aibu to be cross with dp

[wheresthelight]

before I get flamed for being an evil step mother, this is not the case. the kids and I get on very well

however my issue is when they misbehave dp ignores it/expects me to deal with it/gives them excuses he will accept so he doesn't have to he the bad guy. now I understand to a point, he doesn't want them to not want to come etc but it really gets my goat that he has no issue shouting at the dog or our 1 year old dd for being naughty. if this carries on she is going to grow up hating her dad and older siblings because they get away with stuff she gets told off for

am o being a complete cow if I point this out to dp and tell him I expect him to parent th all the same

YANBU, is not fair to expect you to discipline them as it's not your responsibility.

It's really important for the sake of future relationships that all the children are treated equally, have a word.

he shouts at a one year old and you think the problem is how he parents his other children?

perspective

next time they misbehave ignore it take your one year old and move rooms let him deal with it

He is a parent & he needs to step up. You need to stop dealing with it.

Just realised that my comments sound contradictory. What I mean is your DH needs to parent all of his children equally.

He is their father, not their friend.

thanks!

I have tries but it ends up in a full scale row as he gets very defensive about it. he says I too hard on his kids but I treat all 3 the same he on the other hand will not tell his kids off for anything and it drives me mad.

the current row is him having a go at me for telling his kids off and Mr telling him if he fucking parented his bloody kids I wouldn't have to.

haven't tackled the dd vs dsc issue yet but it will be a beaut I am sure

Have you considered as well that when the kids go home all their mother will be hearing is how you told them off & you stopped them from doing xyz.

I agree with the PP who said leave the room & let him deal with them.

entirely possible that is what they say however as dp works nights and is often in bed when they are here I do actually have to tell them off as I strongly believe on dealing with issues at the time rather than hours later when they have forgotten what they had done wrong in the first place.

and as their mum doesn't believe in saying no or discipline in general they need to get it from somewhere - and before anyone flames me for being anti the ex she has told me this herself during get a very candid discussion. she is fully aware that I discipline her kids and whilst she doesn't agree with it in her house she agrees that when they are with me they should adhere to my rules and or dp's depending on who is in charge iyswim

What did they do? It's hard to parent a one year old and older children the same re discipline so maybe he sees that you can't be exactly equal.

Magrats is right in that they will see you as constantly on their case and will be telling their mother that's the case. It's hard being in a blended family as naturally the step children will always be seen differently to most step mums but there are a few diamonds.

How about saying ' you shout at a 1 year old and the dog but won't parent your older kids. If this continues, I cannot be in a relationship with you as it will affect your youngest and the only way for you to be fair to her seems to have you not living in the house with her full time. Have a word with yourself and step up to the plate or I am off'.