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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

When to intervene!!

20 replies

angel101 · 23/08/2014 14:09

I'd just finished paying for my shopping at the local supermarket. As my two sons and i were steering our trolley past the other checkouts I saw two children sitting in a trolley with a plastic carrier bag over their heads. Their mum was at the checkout with them in the trolley but she appeared to be busy packing the grocery into the bag. I quickly took the plastic bag off over the children's head and i then altered the mum.

Mum was not pleased... with me!!! She said that she knew they had the bag over their head and it was okay because she was standing next to the trolley. She then gave the children the bag back and they proceeded to out the bag over their head again. I was left feeling that i should not have intervened and it was clear that this parent felt that i was questioning her parenting.

The lady at the checkout also looked at me as if to say 'what is the matter with you' and both she and the parent concured that as the parent was standing next to the children, i should not have intervened.

I felt like telling this parent that allowing her children (who looked to be aged 2 and were twins) to play with plastic bags over her head was giving them the message that it was okay to do this. As i parent i know only too well that you cannot watch your children all the time so what if her children decided to play with a plastic bag over their head and she wasn't their. But as mum was ranting at me i just left.

What would you have done in this situation??

OP posts:

StillFrigginRexManningDay · 23/08/2014 14:13

I would have alerted the parent but it appears this time you encountered an idiot.

LadySybilLikesCake · 23/08/2014 14:14

Goodness, I'd have done the same as you. It teaches a child that it's OK to do this, what if they do this at home and she's not there? I've stopped little runaways from running out of shops and into the road when their parents haven't noticed they have escaped, takes a village to raise a child and all that.

Well done, you. At least you tried

fluffyduffydoo · 23/08/2014 14:15

I would have removed the bag too and given the mum short shrift if she got snotty

Supermarket bags now have wholes in them and I believe the reason for this is because their were fatalities in the past with child suffocating

What right minded parent thinks it ok for their child to put a plastic bag over it's head!

fairgame · 23/08/2014 14:15

I would have bitten my tongue very hard and minded my own business. People do not like you pulling them up on things their kids shouldn't be doing.

finallydelurking · 23/08/2014 14:16

I'd have done the same as you, any normal person would, most parents would be grateful. It's unfortunate this one wasn't.

fairgame · 23/08/2014 14:17

And i'm not condoning numpty mothers behaviour btw. She's clearly an idiot but whenever you say something to people, even with the greatest intentions, you get nothing but hassle.

Happy36 · 23/08/2014 14:19

These kids will be a total nightmare for any other adult who encounters them: teacher, neighbour, sports´ coach, librarian, bus driver, etc. Their mother has given them a clear signal to ignore authority other than her own. What a prick.

She should have been grateful that you took the time and energy to worry about her children, especially when it was a matter of safety (and often when one speaks to a child in this context it is because the child is doing something potentially dangerous).

You are reasonable.

ILovePud · 23/08/2014 14:23

YANBU, how idiotic to ever allow toddlers to be putting plastic bags over their heads, it does send the message that it's safe to do. I wonder if the other mum lashed out because she was embarrassed that she's been pulled up on it. I'm curious about the checkout assistant concurring, what did she say? Explicitly that it was ok in her book, or did she just mumble when the other mum was trying to justify herself. I imagine that the silent majority in the shop where watching her ranting and thinking she was a complete tit whilst sympathising with you. BTW I'd have taken the bag off and pointed it out to the mum trying to sound as kind and non-blaming as I could.

BackforGood · 23/08/2014 14:27

Of course YWNBU, and I wold have done the same as you.

Good post by Happy36

Original poster

angel101 · 23/08/2014 14:44

The checkout assistant was nodding with approval when the mother said that she was standing next to the children when they had the bag over their heads.

I just saw two young children with a bag over their heads and their mums back to them. I naturally thought that the two had put the bag over their heads without their mothers knowledge. As i have two young children myself and know only too well the mischief they get up to when my back is turned, I was sympathetic towards the mother and my manner was definatley non-accusational.

However when she handed her children the bag back and they then put it over their heads again, and then she proceeded to justify her actions by saying that she was standing next to them (even though her back was to them as she didn't even see me taking the bag off from over their heads) i was left thinking when did times change that it became okay for children to put plastic bags over their heads??

OP posts:

finallydelurking · 23/08/2014 14:50

It's not OK for children to put bags on their heads! (it even says so on the bag for the benefit of anyone unable to work this out for themselves!) I can only assume checkout assistant was a friend/relative of numpty Mum. Dw about it YANBU!

HappyAgainOneDay · 23/08/2014 15:11

You did the right thing, OP. FluffyDuffyDoo said that (most) shop carrier bags have holes in them but it's not all right if the child has a small head and is not breathing near a hole. Department stores' carrier bags do not have holes (not the stores that I use anyway). It doesn't matter how big the bag is or how many holes it has or the size of the holes, putting a plastic bag on a head is asking for suffocation. Those children were being taught that it's 'not naughty' to put plastic bags on their heads.

Keep a note of this instance and when you read in the paper that one of these children ......., go forward with your experience .

Original poster

angel101 · 23/08/2014 15:24

My two son's witnessed all this and need less to say, the entire journey home was spent with me telling them that it is not okay to put a plastic bag over your head and about the dangers of suffocation.

HappyAgainOneDay... thats just it. I don't want to be reading about these poor children in the paper in the future. As i said, they were aged about 2. They know no better so why should they suffer because of their mother?

Thank you all for your replies because it has made me feel that i WNBU and i also agree that the mother's re-acation may have been because she felt embarrassed.

OP posts:

lunar1 · 23/08/2014 15:33

You did the right thing, she might not have known they had the bags. Every so often evolution lets a rude numpty through.

pilates · 23/08/2014 15:34

YANBU

deakymom · 23/08/2014 17:23

okay so if i had seen what you saw and did what you did i would have pointed out loudly it can kill her kids how ridiculous and stupid is she honestly i feel like my aunt in a similar situation who pointed out nothing like a dead child to bring someone to their senses (loudly)

6031769 · 23/08/2014 18:39

she probably that sort that if anything ever did happen she would blame everyone else and sue the supermarket

HappyAgainOneDay · 23/08/2014 18:59

.... which brings us back to Jeremy Kyle people.

Tikimon · 23/08/2014 19:23

Out of the context of the plastic bags, I don't see why children should have to listen to random adults when their mother is right there. The OP was not an authority figure. I will not be teaching my daughter to listen to a random stranger telling her what to do. In fact, I'd expect her to remember stranger danger and act accordingly.

On the note of plastic bags though, the mother's an idiot. Nothing will happen while she's there, sure. What happens if she sleeps in and the kids get into trash bags quietly? It's the same reason you don't pretend medicine is candy.

Happy36 · 23/08/2014 19:57

Tikimon I have to disagree in the politest way possible. I would be grateful if a stranger told my child to take a plastic bag off of their head, or move out of the path of a car or away from broken glass or dog poo or any other danger. I still believe that children should have respect for others and I try to model this to my own children. It doesn´t mean I advocate them to get into strangers´ cars or let someone touch them inappropriately.

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