AIBU to leave and think its not all my fault

[downindumpsbutok]

Will try to keep brief and answer any questions
I have epilepsy
I also had an horrific birth about 18 months ago where I did not feel supported by Dh at all. He was not on my side at all and kept yelling at me to calm down. i felt totally bullies by the midwifes and him. After the birth which resulted in forceps and massive hemorrhage the midwife turned to DH and said "well done for bulling her". He was that taken up with DS when he was born that he did not even here the doctor say "if the bleeding does not stop you will have I make some decisions". He also has no idea how much blood I lost as he was not taking any notice.

Since then I have just wanted to be left alone by the medical profession and have not followed up epilespy appointments as I should (some got cancelled and I did not make new ones) I just needed a break from all things medical. I have also admitted to pretending to make an appointment when I didn't. No excuses for that all at I just couldn't go through with it.
Fast forward to now and I have admitted this after being interrogated by him. He is now saying he does not know if he has the strength to support me if I don't support myself.
I have explained time and time again why I did what I did and told him I did not feel supported during the birth.
He said he does not know if he wants to be with me and we should wait and see. In the meantime he has moved into the spare room. Tonight I was having a bath and he will not come in the room.
Since the discussion I have made all my appointments. My parents have even offered to pay for me to see a private consultant in Liverpool as he specialises in my type to epilepsy but DH made that much of a fuss about taking me that I cancelled it.
I know what I did was wrong and I deserve to be hauled over the coals but does it really merit a marrage end.
I have been uncontrolled for 15 years and he know when he married me.
I want to cry

There are some lovely posters in the relationships section, not only lovely and supportive, but who know their shit too (regards the mechanics of leaving, how to deal with 'sharing' your DS etc).

It sounds as though you might have made the decision already, do you think that's because you genuinely can't stand the situation any more and don't see it as ever changing, or could it be because you want to get in there first and are trying to lessen the pain if you can?

If it's the latter, could that be distorting how you feel about it and in the back of your mind you actually want him to choose you and your DS? (On top of your PTSS and PND possibly distorting things already (and I don't say that to minimise what you're going through/have been through))

Hi I posted this in AIBU and been advised to post here

Will try to keep brief and answer any questions
I have epilepsy
I also had an horrific birth about 18 months ago where I did not feel supported by Dh at all. He was not on my side at all and kept yelling at me to calm down. i felt totally bullies by the midwifes and him. After the birth which resulted in forceps and massive hemorrhage the midwife turned to DH and said "well done for bulling her". He was that taken up with DS when he was born that he did not even here the doctor say "if the bleeding does not stop you will have I make some decisions". He also has no idea how much blood I lost as he was not taking any notice.

Since then I have just wanted to be left alone by the medical profession and have not followed up epilespy appointments as I should (some got cancelled and I did not make new ones) I just needed a break from all things medical. I have also admitted to pretending to make an appointment when I didn't. No excuses for that all at I just couldn't go through with it.
Fast forward to now and I have admitted this after being interrogated by him. He is now saying he does not know if he has the strength to support me if I don't support myself.
I have explained time and time again why I did what I did and told him I did not feel supported during the birth.
He said he does not know if he wants to be with me and we should wait and see. In the meantime he has moved into the spare room. Tonight I was having a bath and he will not come in the room.
Since the discussion I have made all my appointments. My parents have even offered to pay for me to see a private consultant in Liverpool as he specialises in my type to epilepsy but DH made that much of a fuss about taking me that I cancelled it.
I know what I did was wrong and I deserve to be hauled over the coals but does it really merit a marrage end.
I have been uncontrolled for 15 years and he know when he married me.
I want to cry

Just to add a bit of stuff that I added on later posts on AIBU after being asked stuff
Since the birth I have been diagnosed with post tramatic stress disorder and PND
I have had epilepsy for over 15 years, it has always been uncontrolled and DH married me knowing this
He had always been really supportive of epilesy till Ds came along. We had long talks before he was born about how my epilesy had never been under control and perhaps never will. He now sulks when I have a seizure and had a go at me

I am projecting here, so forgive me if this is wrong. Sometimes when i am explaining to dh how his behaviour affects me, he gets v defensive because he thinks im blaming him. Most of the time i am not blaming him but i need him to acknowledge my feelings.

Do you blame him for the way he behaved in labour?