i have posted about my mum before and some of the difficulties ive had with her - on a bad day she's erratic, can be aggressive, perceives slights and can really escalate a situation to the point of police being called etc. this doesnt happen regularly but im wary of seeing her. i live about an hour and a half from her and when i last saw her last week, she was fine and suggestd coming to see me and we arranged for tomrrow. i have spoken to her this evenig to finalise times for coming tomorrow, and asked her ot come at 1pm for lunch as ds has a play date coming in the morning. to which she replied 'oh. i was hoping to come earlier'. i gently try to say that ds play date will be loud, etc etc (ds aged 4) and the conversation finished with her saying she would come for about 12.30. she told me during the conversation that she was feeling 'anxious' and 'funny' and these are always warning signs to me that something is not right with her mental health, and could tip me off that she is going to have a bad day which will be really difficult and possibly scary for me. she has never been properly diagnosed with anything other than anxiety and depressed n so i think well, i must be imagining it (rationally, i dont know why as i am clearly not imagining it) and I try to jolly her out of the mood, laugh with her about continous gloomy perceptions and general xenophobia, listen to her talk about her past (abusive, but also my father so very difficult for me to listen to as it brings up terrible memories for me) and generally make her feel better. it's a role I've occupied since my earliest memories and it makes me really uncomfortable to think how her moods have manipulated me since I was a young child. actuaally I feel very tearful thinking about it.
She has tried many times to come off AD seroxat but now is resigned to being on it for the rest of her life. she has been on it sonce 2002 and I have noticed a deterioration in her over the years, but I'm never sure if it's that or if it's old age/ natural change.
anyway it's just I feeol so anxious about her coming tomorrow. I am 6 months pregnant and finding things difficult and just less able to deal with whawtever she might bring with her. I would also be mortified if she was irrational in front of ds play date and parent, who I am not close to althought she seems perfectly nice.
am I over thinking this and being unreasonable - should I just be able to say , sorry mum I'm not feeling great you can't come and ignore the fall out, or jusr expect her to behave appropriately when she is here rather than worrying that it's going to be a nightmare?
sorry for long and rambling post. just feeling so, well , anxious.