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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to have an STI check in order to get a referral? (Possible TMI)

44 replies

ThinkingOfAUsernameIsTough · 21/08/2014 17:19

Since having DS 10 months ago I have been experiencing very bad pains when having sex or using tampons. It has taken quite a lot of courage to get to the doctors as I had a very traumatic birth with DS. I had the appointment last week to get checked over and the Dr said she would have to refer me to the hospital for more thorough testing, so I thought I was getting somewhere with getting this sorted out.

I received a call from the doctor yesterday saying that she can't refer me until I have had an STI check. I feel this is unnecessary as I have been with DP for 6 years, both of us were tested at the beginning of our relationship and neither of us have been unfaithful. She has booked me in next week to have this test done. I am really upset as I do not want to have it as I don't feel it is needed. I know it sounds dramatic but it has been triggering bad memories from when my son was born, in particular when it looked like I needed an intervention I asked for a section instead of forceps and they said no (although I didn't have forceps in the end thank god) but it just makes me feel like I have no control over my own body and I am dreading having to go through with a test that I don't want or need. I am also pissed off that having this test done will put my referral back a few weeks as I need to wait for the appointment to have the test done, and I will need to wait for the results.

Is there anything I can do? Are they allowed to demand this?

OP posts:

zzzzz · 21/08/2014 18:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cakebaker35 · 21/08/2014 18:07

Op I'd really recommend you get some counselling about your birth experience as that's at the root of the issue here. I too had a very grim experience and counselling helped me so much. If you don't address it then it will keep cropping up even in circumstances that don't seem particularly related. For example, you will need to have a smear test at some point and you must not let the trauma put you at risk of illness because you don't want to have tests done.

unlucky83 · 21/08/2014 18:10

I suspect if you don't have this done at the GP, you will at your first Gynae appt...
And then you would have to wait for the results ...and go back to the clinic - taking up more valuable appt time etc etc.
I can fully understand why they want to completely rule out the obvious causes first. Maybe your GP should have done them all at the same time - but too late for that now. AFAIK they do STI checks in early pregnancy...
And as others have said you do need to not take it personally....
Not only do partners lie but also patients have been know to lie to their doctors...

Playdoughcaterpillar · 21/08/2014 18:15

You can do an STI check on a urine sample, you don't need an internal/speculum etc. maybe ask to do this instead and explain your anxieties?

PinkyHasNoEars · 21/08/2014 18:42

Just wanted to second what Laurel has said: I did my own swabs recently and it was so much better. I was given them to take away, so I could do them at home where I felt comfortable and relaxed. Then I just had to drop them through the doctor's letter box (which made me wonder what else they got....)

ThatBloodyWoman · 21/08/2014 18:49

I think that causes that don't require a specialist need to be ruled out before referral to a specialist in many areas of medicine.

DertieBertie · 21/08/2014 18:50

I'm really sorry you had such a traumatic birth and that this is bringing up bad feelings for you. Generally, a routine screen for STIs and common things like thrush is expected before you are referred higher up as they are common causes for pelvic pain. False negatives on chlamydia and gonorrhea tests are rare, but do happen, and there are strains of chlamydia and gonorrhea that are rarer and not commonly tested for on a routine screening. I'm actually going through the same process at the moment and had to have an STI screen too (a week before my wedding!), so I understand why you ight feel funny about it.

The STI test is definitely less invasive than the internal examination of the gynaecologist, and this is likely what's going to happen if you pursue this further. If I were you, I'd do the test to jump through hoops and get a referral, but bear in mind that the future is more not less invasive.

ThatBloodyWoman · 21/08/2014 19:06

To be fair, when I had to have an ovarian cyst removed, I had to have a scan, then wait, then another scan, then blood tests , then mrsa swabs before its removal.
Its all for a reason, and I'm sure many of us would like go skip all the 'ruling out' bits!

windchime · 21/08/2014 19:11

I am not sure what you think a Gynae consultant can do without looking up your vagina

WitchWay · 21/08/2014 19:16

It is standard procedure to do swabs before referral for those symptoms.

Chlamydia in particular can be very difficult to pick up on swabs & can lie dormant for years.

schmee · 21/08/2014 20:13

windchime Thu 21-Aug-14 19:11:43
I am not sure what you think a Gynae consultant can do without looking up your vagina

The OP has been quite clear that she doesn't want to "go through a test [she] doesn't want or need".

When every investigation is a struggle, you don't want to have to go through any more than necessary.

OP I really feel for you. It sounds like you have been really traumatised by the loss of control your body during a difficult birth. To make you go through another procedure on the basis that your husband might be lying to you (which is effectively what they are saying), is also incredibly frustrating. Even if you understand why that tickbox might need to be ticked.

It's great that you should be able to get a urine test instead of a more invasive procedure. Frustrating that they can't take yours and your DH's word for it. But at least it doesn't have to be such an unpleasant process.

TheCraicDealer · 21/08/2014 20:29

Like a PP said, there's plenty of examples of people saying "DP would never do that", on the Relationships board, only to be proved tragically wrong. People lie, for all sorts of different reasons. And it's for that reason that medical professionals rely on what they know, as opposed to what the patient has told them. That's why they'll do a tox screen on you even if you've told them you're a teetotal non-smoker without a penchant for recreational drugs, if they feel your symptoms could be drug related. Honestly it's not personal.

Maybe the best course of action would be to see what options you have regarding examinations and how you might be more comfortable. It sounds like you might have a treatment plan in front of you which could include exams and different tests aside from this one. There are lots of threads regarding women who have anxiety regarding smears and other issues, and how they've tried to limit triggers and regain some control- perhaps reading some of those might be helpful?

Original poster

ThinkingOfAUsernameIsTough · 21/08/2014 21:26

Hello everyone sorry to post and run! I have had a pretty busy evening. Thanks for your suggestions, I think I will ask if I can do the test myself or provide a urine sample.

To those who have mentioned counselling, how do I go about getting this? Can you get it on the NHS or do you have to go private?

DertieBertie Congratulations! Hope you have a wonderful wedding day and hope you get your problem sorted.

OP posts:

Chunderella · 21/08/2014 21:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ICanSeeTheSun · 21/08/2014 21:35

You do not need this test, it's just bringing back bad memories.

Why can't there be a little box that is tick to say patient refused sti check.

RevoltingPeasant · 21/08/2014 21:36

Good for you OP :)

I personally think (and will stop clogging up your thread after this) that you should tell your GP exactly how difficult the birth was for you, and why, and ask for either a birth reflections session at your hospital or counselling. See what they say!

I don't get on with the idea of counselling myself, but I recently posted a thread here about what happened to me during an intimate exam as a young girl and found incredibly supportive responses. It was great to have people say "no, not just you, that was wrong, it would have bothered me too". I also have started making a practice of telling drs and MWs what happened. It is about taking control back, saying, this happened, so I need you to treat me like this: nothing without consent, no unnecessary internals, no stirrups. It's really helped me make peace with gynae stuff, and also at some hospitals there are nurses trained to deal with women who have been assaulted and they may be able to offer you a service like that, to help support you through future investigations.

Good luck.

Cabrinha · 21/08/2014 21:51

I had to pay for an HIV test prior to IVF, which seemed a waste of my money.
I had a second one after I found out my nice guy husband had been booking prostitutes the whole time I was with him.

I disagree with those who say it isn't necessary. Many many people cheat. Probably not your husband, but the GP can't guarantee that. So if it's a likely cause to be simply ruled out, it makes sense to do it.

BUT... I'm very sympathetic to you wanting to control it, and urge you to talk to them about it.

Btw - I had a full post prostitute revelation STI check. All long cotton bud swabs that I was sent off to loo to do myself.

Cakebaker35 · 21/08/2014 22:18

Op re. counselling I was offered it while still recovering in hospital after having dd. At the time I was quite head in sand and just wanted to get on with life and forget it all. A few months down the line I realised I was dwelling on it more and even having the odd flash back so I decided to take up the offer. I'm definitely not the sort of person who would've thought counselling was for me, but decided to give it a go and knew I could just walk away if it wasn't helpful. In just a few sessions I got answers I needed and was able to say things out loud that those close to me may have been upset to hear. Speak to your gp to see if your nhs trust offers something similar. Wishing you all the best x

BeyondTheLimitsOfAcceptability · 21/08/2014 22:26

Just a thought, i dont know if this is possible, but i know some people are prescribed sedatives for dental work due to phobia. Do you think that might be possible for any essential exams you have to have, if you let them know how much it affects you?

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