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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is it me or is this a bit odd??

50 replies

Justaquickone1 · 21/08/2014 16:20

...Friend has endometriosis and just got married. I think it causes her a lot of problems but she is quite stoical about it and doesn't make much of a fuss. I know she worries a bit about whether she'll conceive but it doesn't rule her life or stop her doing things iyswim.

Anyway, i went to see her last weekend. She had just come back from LA where she went on honeymoon and had dumped all her purchases in the spare room and i had a look. There was a baby's blanket on the chest of drawers with a label. I asked her if she was pregnant and she insisted she wasn't (we later went out for drinks so she's definitely telling the truth) but asked her why she had done that. She said she thought it would be nice for when she does have a baby. Struck me as a bit odd but then i tend not to be too sentimental about things. AIBU?

OP posts:

Owllady · 21/08/2014 17:03

I think it's you too

Endometriosis doesn't mean she won't have a baby anyway. You are most probably worried about her but it's coming across as a bit spiteful, which is most probably not your intention.

Merel · 21/08/2014 17:07

Doesn't seem odd to me, seems like someone who hopes to have a child in the (near?) future.

OfaFrenchMind · 21/08/2014 17:08

m0therofdragons , that's a lovely story that gives quite a lot of hopes! I know ladies with this horrible condition, and that's their main concern!

awsomer · 21/08/2014 17:10

I don't think her endo and her purchase are necessarily linked. She might have just seen it and bought it on an impulsive brood. Any woman can get broody, not just women with endo.

whitepuddingsupper · 21/08/2014 17:15

I saw a gorgeous castle playset in the USA when DH and I were on honeymoon and TTC but DH talked me out of getting it. We were lucky enough to conceive a few months later and I really wish I had it for DD now.

paddleduck · 21/08/2014 17:16

I bought a book that I found in a very old traditional book store in my favourite town whilst on holiday. I hadn't seen it anywhere else and had the same as a child. I bought it for future child.

We were planning to ttc and I was pregnant 3 months later, the book is one of her favourites and we read it before bed regularly. It fills me with a lot of joy when I remember finding it/the excitement of sharing it with my own dc.

RevoltingPeasant · 21/08/2014 17:24

Poor woman. You get this pretty much up till birth, as I am now discovering.

I'm 16w but people keep saying things like 'oooh I wouldn't buy anything yet, you never know'. It really spoils the excitement and also buying nice things when you have the opportunity/ cash is surely just sensible.

YABU and I hope you didn't make her feel bad about it.

cashmiriana · 21/08/2014 17:30

When on honeymoon in Cornwall, I bought a copy of Names for the Cornish in a bookshop.

It was another 6 years before I had DD2 and used one of the names. I'd put the book on one side and not thought about it for years, until I needed it, but I was glad I'd bought it on a whim.

LiverpoolLou · 21/08/2014 17:34

I bought a book of children's stories on our honeymoon It just felt like the right thing to do. Waited another 7 years for DS to arrive.

RedToothBrush · 21/08/2014 17:39

YABU.

Whats wrong with buying something in hope, especially when you fear it may be difficult to have a child? Its about having something that you can have and make that dream seem a little less hard. Or its something that you can look at and find comfort in if it gets tough dealing with problems and you find yourself needing motivation to be strong in the face of adversity.

It ties memories with hopes for the future. And if the reality came true then ties it with special memories.

If she was filling the spare room with hundreds of things then, maybe it would be weird.

But a one off item? No... definitely not.

AnyFucker · 21/08/2014 17:41

it's you, and you sound a bit mean about it

KnackeredMuchly · 21/08/2014 17:43

Yabu, and it's made me a bit sad. You seem to be inferring that your friend may ne infertile and loopy.

I suggest you don't go nosing in other people's things any more

Kewcumber · 21/08/2014 17:43

she is quite stoical about it and doesn't make much of a fuss

Good for her but she obviously wants children and is really worried about it.

After my failed fertility treatment I applied to adopt which took 3 years and I probably also seemed very stoical and didn't make a fuss on the surface but I was desperately worried that it wouldn't happen. I did at one point crack and bought a very fancy boys outfit for a 1 year old - poncy linen trousers beautiful powder blue silky jumper and leather shoes with embroidered trains.

I didn;t even know if I would get a boy a girl or a pony or their age and I felt like a total loon so I didn;t tell anyone what I'd bought.

Bizarrely two years later when I had DS - it fitted him perfectly

You don;t sound like you have much empathy for her situation.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 21/08/2014 17:48

She was in LA, that blanket might not turn up in Mothercare.

It's not weird at all, I think it's lovely.

AnyFucker · 21/08/2014 17:49

do you have children, OP ?

did you have any difficulties having them if you do ?

I am not remotely religious but when I was ttc, going through failed fertility treatments etc I once lit a candle in a beautiful cathedral and made a bargain with God that I would be a better person if I could just hang onto a pregnancy. It's very out of character for me but it bloody well made me feel better

my friends didn't think I was "odd" they just knew my feelings were very strong (despite never whining, complaining, crying and otherwise getting on with my life) and to be be respected

Choochootrain1 · 21/08/2014 17:50

YABU

As someone who also has it, and knew id have trouble conceiving due to it - my DH bought baby items on our honeymoon, we were in a beautiful place planning our future together, I thought it was so sweet when he said it was to encourage us both that it would happen one day.

Far more sentimental, but not really that different to buying a lovely dress in a size smaller to encourage yourself you'll fit in it at some point... IMO anyhow

Kewcumber · 21/08/2014 17:52

Yes ChooChoo and AnyFucker - sometimes you do things to give you hope. Some people can;t empathise with that.

Owllady · 21/08/2014 17:56

I use any excuse to buy textiles anyway :)
I can't be alone in that.....

ArabellaTarantella · 21/08/2014 17:58

Sorry, but YOU are the one that is odd justaquickone

pictish · 21/08/2014 17:59

Agree it's you.
Your friend bought something she liked...and that's all there is to it.
Total non issue.

Bloodymidges · 21/08/2014 18:00

When I was a teenager and went on a trip to venice I saw a beautiful embriodered babies bib. It was so lovely, I bought it, tucked it away and have since seen it on all 3 of my children. So I guess I'm a bit odd.

DoJo · 21/08/2014 18:35

Agree - it's you, and for the record, I would never ask someone outright if they are pregnant. If they are and haven't told you, then there will be a reason, and if they aren't then there are a million reasons why it could make them feel awful to be asked.

scarletforya · 21/08/2014 18:38

You shouldn't have questioned her about it. That's invasive.

HolgerDanske · 22/08/2014 09:41

It's not odd at all and I'm wondering why you had such a judgy reaction to something nice your friend did for herself. Makes you seem jealous and petty. Are you married? Are you having problems in your relationship and feeling wistful for those early, hopeful days?

MidniteScribbler · 22/08/2014 10:09

So you saw this item, knew about your friend's medical history, yet you still felt it necessary to post on an internet forum about how weird you think she may be to have some hope for the future?

And you call yourself a friend?

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