To suggest that my dp delays an opperation he needs because I am due to give birth soon?

[ikeaismylocal]

Dp has repeatedly dislocated his shoulder over the last 2-3 years, he played lots of basketball and the dislocations started whilst he was playing but now they happen when he does everyday actions. The dislocations whilst doing normal things started about a year ago and I have encouraged him to go to the Dr and talk about an operation to stop the dislocations but dp has been reluctant and he has been doing special excersises to try to stregnthen his shoulder but it doesn't seem to have helped much.

The situation came to a head a couple of nights ago when dp dislocated his shoulder in his sleep by rolling over.

Dp has decided to finally go and see the Dr about his shoulder with the hope of having an operation. If he is referred for the operation (which seems quite likely, his friend had fewer dislocations and was given the operation) the maximum wait would be 90 days, most likely around 6-8 weeks.

I am due to give birth in 9 weeks, with my last pregnancy my blood preasure shot up at around 35 weeks and I had to rest constantly, we now have a toddler so if my blood preasure becomes high again dp will need to take time off work to look after ds. The other issue is driving, dp would possibly not be able to drive to and from the hospital, it's half an hour away so we could get a taxi but there will be lots of taxis to and from with dp taking me, then going home to ds, then coming back, then us all going home, it would probably come to around 200 pounds just in taxi fairs (stupidly expensive taxis where we live!)

AIBU and heartless to ask dp to wait until after the baby is born to have this operation?

Arabella her name is 'Ikea is my local' and they guarantee medical treatment within 90 days, I can hazzard a blood good guess

Ah, yes.........of course. It never occurred to me seeing as I had to wait 3 months for an urgent heart operation

YABVU to ask him to postpone it and risk damaging himself further or being in terrible pain unnecessarily.

I do think YABU. Childbirth trumps most things in my book. But not this. If he needs an operation, then he needs an operation.

It seems the majority feeling is that I'm being unreasonable, ideally dp will have the operation in the next few weeks, we can hope that happens. I guess we will just have to cope if it happens that both dp andI are needing to rest at the same time. Lots of kids tv! We live on the top floor of an apartment block with no lift and chubbytoddler ds is going through a stage of refusing to walk up or down the stairs so if neither of us can carry him we won't be able to go out, I'd better start stockpiling cans of food!

The 90 day rule is usually fantastic, it's just terrible timing.

My H had to have a major op when my second baby was 3 months old, it was horrendous. Trekking into the hospital with a small baby, finding childcare for my older one (who was 18 months), juggling everything was really difficult. He was then on strong painkillers and sleeping tablets so couldn't be in the same room/bed as me and the baby, and couldn't drive for months. He couldn't do anything with the baby for months either, (best case would have been a 6 week recovery period, actually it's still on-going!). I'd have much rather he'd had the chance to have the op beforehand, although it most likely would have overlapped, being 3 months without sleep already then having to take care of him plus a demanding baby was hellish.

I don't think you are being at all unreasonable. His operation is not necessary to save his life, he is not in constant pain and weak shoulders do dislocate with very little stress. Luckily they go back in just as easily! So he won't be having any excruciating relocations.

He can see the gp and get on the waiting list but with a note that he is available only after you have given birth with a few weeks after to recover.

If he has an operation and is then running around picking up a toddler and shouldering (unintended pun!) a lot of the housework it will only bugger up the surgery anyway as you have to rest to allow healing.

People advising YABU obviously know little about shoulder surgery!

I think you're misunderstanding waiting times. The Trust is obliged to offer him an appointment within 18weeks, there wil then be a separate waiting list for the surgery. You don't jump that list by seeing the consultant privately. Time from GP referral to actual surgery is unlikely to be under 6 months (assuming you are in the UK ).

She isn't.