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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want a constant flow of kids through my house

47 replies

voluptuagoodshag · 20/08/2014 17:46

I live in an area where they can play safely and don't mind that kids come knocking on huge door for my two but now it's our dinner time. I fully expect my kids to leave another persons house whilst that child is having their dinner unless tea was a prior arrangement and would expect the parents to tell them so.
Afterwards I want a bit of peace to have a cuppa and watch the news but I feel like I run a crèche. If I send mine out to play they usually end back at a friends house then I feel bad that they have imposed themselves on that household. I suppose it's up to that household to manage that as they see fit. How do others manage this? I feel like my house is never my own. Kids come through and ask to play on iPad, can they play on wii (no I'm watching the news). I do just say no but get fecking annoyed that I even have to. Would you all please just piss off please

OP posts:
DalmationStripe · 21/08/2014 12:09

I have one particular child who is constantly at my house and constantly asking for food.

She once asked me for a yoghurt. This was the conversation.

Her: can I have a yoghurt?
Me: no sorry
Her: why?
Me: I don't have any
Her: (goes into kitchen and opens fridge) yes you do!
Me:Shock Angry

funnyossity · 21/08/2014 12:10

OP it sounds like a lot of the problem is that these particular kids are pushy! I think in those circumstances you have to be very firm. Good luck.

BranchingOut · 21/08/2014 12:11

I think that if you don't want something, you have to put your foot down. The kids will just understand that it is different at your house.

When I was a similar age the way it would go would be:

A friend might 'call' for me and I would go back to their house. I might have a snack or drink there, then come back home for 5.30pm. Or I would call for them.

Meals were by invitation only.

No visiting in the evening or early morning. Evenings were for bedtime and mornings were for breakfast!

DogCalledRudis · 21/08/2014 12:33

Shoo them out to play outside. We also have a rule that no kids come in the house without parents' permission and no going to other people's home without asking.

misstiredbuthappy · 21/08/2014 12:42

It gets on my nerves too dd is always having friends around (uninvited) feeel like im feeding the neighborhood Hmm

5Foot5 · 21/08/2014 13:27

When I was growing up it was understood that when your friends were called in for a meal you went home, and vice versa.

As for the kid who just picks up iPod to use without even asking, that is very cheeky. Certainly would not tolerate that!

My DSis tended to be fairly relaxed when her three were growing up and she often had random other kids wondering around. They had a big garden and many of the neighbourhood kids seemed to like to hang out there and I think their parents were very happy that someone else had a house or garden full. But I think even she got a bit hacked off sometimes with the pushier ones.

One time she had organised a family BBQ - all of hers, me, my other sister and our DHs and DCs and my Mum. When we all arrived there were still a few neighbour's kids hanging around so she told them it was time to go now. Most did but a couple of them kept coming back despite being asked (nicely) again. When BIL was cooking they went up to him and asked for burgers etc. BIL is very laid back and would happily have doled out burgers and sausage to any passing kid but DSis was getting quite annoyed at this point as she had planned it as a family day and was just fed up of being the entertainment and catering for all the local kids yet again. They were eventually sent off with a flea in their ear. These were not really young kids - about 9 or 10 I would say. We would never have had the cheek to stay and ask for food after repeatedly being told it was time to go home/

Goldmandra · 21/08/2014 13:34

Is this without the consent of the kids' parents?

Roadkill did say that was once they were teens.

Our rule is playing out only and no going into people's houses without parents' permission. Once they are in they get fed unless parents say not to. It works well for us but only because we are all happy to do the same.

rollonthesummer · 21/08/2014 13:36

Errrrr-put the ipad away? You need to say no more or ignore the door x

Original poster
voluptuagoodshag · 21/08/2014 14:24

Blah, I did send him packing. Said it was far too early.
Rollon - I did take the Ipad off him and firmly said no it's not a toy for everyone. He was being quite rude. He appeared back after dinner and DD was on ipad. I allow my two 30 mins a day chill out time on it and if they choose to share that time with a friend so be it. However this child came in, tried to take it off her. Then came to see me to say he hadn't had his turn on it yet. I firmly explained the rules and that it was not for general use. Later on DS told me that the child was then telling him that if he didn't get the ipad off his sister then he wasn't allowed back to his house Shock cheeky little extortionist!

Ive laid it down as law to my two that they should never impose on people. That they must come home if others are at their dinner and to play outside and I've told other parents to send them on their way if they are in their hair.

Am being really firm tonight - no children coming to play. We are having a quiet family night.

OP posts:
MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 21/08/2014 16:58

You are nicer than I (not hard to be honest)
I am getting throughly sick of the kids round here these holidays.

There is approx 10 of them, that includes my two. They are incapable of playing nicely. One child in particular is obnoxious and is banned from all the others kids gardens for being a nasty little shit. I will not have any of them playing in our garden as when I let them in one time someone broke one of my plants. Plus the noise is horrendous.

Now today it's been raining heavily on and off. My girls have been in and out and after the last downpour I told they weren't going out again. One of the kids has knocked on the door THREE TIMES to ask if they are coming despite being told no. The last time I bellowed 'NO! They aren't coming out BE TOLD! And stop knocking on the door! '
Luckily during the holidays we been away and have had a few days out. I would just like the days we stay at home to be quiet without them all falling out and coming in and whinging to me about it or pestering me for food and drink.
Dd1 is stomping around in her room because she's mad at me cos I won't let her out.

I want some fucking peace ffs! Is that so wrong??

Sorry to rant on your thread, Voluptuagoodshag

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 21/08/2014 17:02

Oh and as they aren't all allowed in the garden none of them come in the house. Fuck no!! That's not happening.

I know, I'm horrible.

SugarMiceInTheRain · 21/08/2014 17:07

That would drive me mad. YANBU at all. I'd be mortified if my children were acting like that at somebody else's house. Given that they are turning up uninvited, are their parents not concerned about their whereabouts? So glad my children's friends don't just turn up on the doorstep.

misstiredbuthappy · 21/08/2014 17:10

Ive got two of them here turned half an hour ago dds tea was already in the oven it will be ready any minute ive said about 5 times dinners ready soon and they wont take the hint Hmm

I feel cruel not giving them tea but its getting to the point its nearly every day.

Bouttimeforwine · 21/08/2014 17:37

I like the fact that my kids friends feel comfortable in my house. If it's not convenient the I just say so.

No angst at all.

Original poster
voluptuagoodshag · 21/08/2014 19:03

Rant away MrsIts Grin

OP posts:
Goldmandra · 21/08/2014 20:22

I feel cruel not giving them tea but its getting to the point its nearly every day.

It isn't cruel. It's perfectly reasonable unless you let your own DCs freeload at mealtimes in their houses.

You just say "Time for you to go now because x's tea is ready." Clear communication lets them know your expectations and stops you getting frustrated. Hinting doesn't usually work. They need to know what you want them to do.

If you really feel the need to sugar it a bit you can always tell them when your DC will be free to play again.

misstiredbuthappy · 21/08/2014 20:30

Im not joking I told one of them that dd was going to eat her tea so he should go and get his......he only went an came back with a sausage roll !

Goldmandra · 21/08/2014 20:32

he only went an came back with a sausage roll !

Grin
misstiredbuthappy · 21/08/2014 20:35

Honestly Shock it did make me laugh though Smile

Goldmandra · 21/08/2014 20:47

To be fair, he did exactly what you asked Grin

misstiredbuthappy · 21/08/2014 22:24

Yes , true :)

BranchingOut · 22/08/2014 14:53

I remember being impervious to hints until I was about 25.

Direct requests are much better.

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