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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed at DH for volunteering.

19 replies

SlightPanicAhoy · 20/08/2014 15:31

Kids go to a playscheme for 3 hours a day. DH volunteered last week to go along and help out. TBH it was annoying a few days as I had things planned and him being away those hours made it difficult.

So Monday comes around and he did it again for the week.

I wanted to keep the kids off a few days, we need to take them all for shoes, uniform and wanted a few days out together!

But now we can't as its 3 hours smack in the middle of the day.

I know it's a nice thing to do but previously when the older kids were there he would watch the younger ones whilst I get much needed stuff done.

I'm just moaning I know but can't help feeling annoyed.

OP posts:
DoJo · 20/08/2014 15:51

Did you tell him that it annoyed you last week?

Vitalstatistix · 20/08/2014 16:12

Did he know that you wanted to do this and he just volunteered anyway?

googoodolly · 20/08/2014 16:16

Does he know you wanted to do all that, or did you expect him to guess?

Mrsjayy · 20/08/2014 16:18

Did you not tell him what you wanted to do I can see it being annoying though but if you didnt tell him

Original poster
SlightPanicAhoy · 20/08/2014 16:30

No he knew. He just said he likes doing it and they need help.

I just feel like what was a few quiet hours with the older kids gone has now turned into a stressful 3 hours where I have to entertain the little ones.

OP posts:
Crinkle77 · 20/08/2014 16:30

Give him a break. He's doing something worthwhile. It's not like he's going down to the pub or playing golf.

5Foot5 · 20/08/2014 16:49

Well when he comes back from volunteering I suggest you ask him to mind all of the kids while you get on with what you need to do. Maybe while he is at it he should take them all out to buy the new school things the older ones need then you can really have a bit of space and peace to do what you need to do.

If he complains about that you can surely point out that it is only reasonable - his volunteering has impacted your plans so it is down to him to help reduce that impact.

LIZS · 20/08/2014 16:54

Sorry it upsets your plans but good for him volunteering , relatively few men would. Can you not go out before/after the session, half day trips? Is he on leave or not working atm ?

Mrsjayy · 20/08/2014 16:57

Is it all week can you not go before or after and get shoes

Leeds2 · 20/08/2014 17:29

I think I would be pleased that OH had shown an interest. And your older children will love having their dad as helper.

Frontier · 20/08/2014 17:35

I don't think he should have done it unilaterally if he knew you had other plans for his time but it is important that people do volunteer.

I don't see how being out for 3 hours means you can't get school shoes. Can't you have the days out at the weekend?

Frogisatwat · 20/08/2014 17:44

Is he DBS checked by them? Or whatever crb is now called? Seems odd you can just volunteer

Original poster
SlightPanicAhoy · 20/08/2014 17:58

Yes he is CRB checked with them as he volunteers term time for the playgroup. This is the holiday playscheme. I'm being a moany bitch. Just having a really bad day. Sorry.

OP posts:
GoringBit · 20/08/2014 18:01

Sorry you're having a really bad day, OP. Would Brew or Wine help?

GoringBit · 20/08/2014 18:02

(I'm on Wine which is definitely helping me. Grin)

Hellokittycat · 20/08/2014 18:08

I see what you mean totally. I'd be annoyed too. This is the sort of thing my dh does often. He volunteers for various things because he is interested in them without considering the impact on me. He is self employed so works around his volunteering commitments but then of course he has to catch up on his work which then gets done during family time. I'd love to volunteer but am a sahm with little ones and dh wouldn't be able to look after them while I did something as he's too busy working then.
I think it's just the assuming we are here to pick up the slack that's so annoying. If you both have the day off with the little ones then I bet you wouldn't volunteer your time elsewhere without consulting dh on if he would mind taking care of the little ones alone while you did so. But he just assumes you will do that and arranges it without consulting you.

LindyHemming · 20/08/2014 18:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Thumbwitch · 20/08/2014 18:20

So this week he's volunteering but your younger children aren't even going to be there, is that right?
And you can't do any days out because he's tied up with this volunteering.

Yeah, that sucks and would annoy me too. The shopping thing, less so - as that could be done around the volunteering - but the days out? nah.

CombineBananaFister · 20/08/2014 18:22

Don't think you're being moany - whilst it's great that he's volunteering and all that, surely there was a compromise of doing it some days, not all week?

Also, just because he's doing something worthwhile (not down the pub) if it's still something that doesn't fit in with the plans of the family as a whole then he shouldn't just disregard what you've requested.

Depends on his motivation for doing it I suppose:
YANBU - if he's doing it to get out of looking after the LO's as it's more fun and easier Grin
YABU - if he's doing it, if it won't go ahead without him, he doesn't want them to be let down and he wants to spend time with the older ones.

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