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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish dd bio dad will go away !

16 replies

Balanced12 · 20/08/2014 08:33

So dd bio dad 'forgets' to pick her up from nursery the majority of times and has disappeared ever summer since she was born (she's 3).

After he was told to be consistent and it would be the final time (unfortunately it wasnt) September last year things finally came to a head at Christmas.

He went off the radar (again) I had a solicitor letter from him in March so sent a reply via my solicitor to which I had no reply. Now I have received a court letter for a contact order which says I refused mediation (lie) and all he wants is consistency for dd ( nearly died laughing).

Why can he not have the common decency to stay gone !
He is a selfish man who does not seem to give a toss about the effect on dd. I wonder if he does it to look good. He tells lies to other people, like that he was denied access. I also wonder if he has legal aid.

Anyway looking at the law it seems my only hope is that he drops dead

OP posts:
greeneggsandjam · 20/08/2014 08:37

If its as you say it is, then you are not being unreasonable!

FreeSpirit89 · 20/08/2014 08:44

YANBU - he's a bad dad.

We had similar with DS dad. I pushed for supervised contact, he didn't bother. Then sent a letter to the courts saying it was a waste of time. Needless to say I got the residence order. He got Nowt

NeedsAsockamnesty · 20/08/2014 08:51

Yanbu however this thread is quite likely going to have a few posters popping up telling you it's all your fault and even if he never bothers he's an equal parent and can do anything he wants and you just have to smile because you are obviously a contact blocking bitter person perhaps you are just not charming enough towards him.

He is highly unlikely to have legal aid (unless he had a pre April 13 open existing case)

Think of it this way the average person would respond quite negatively towards someone openly saying "actually I can't be bothered and I don't give a shit" when it comes to children so a huge amount of people who do feel like that tend to dress it up as "I really want to but she won't let me" because it sounds better and stops them looking like a cunt and all the people who like them don't want to admit they like cunts so they support them and encourage this warped viewpoint

FuckTheMagicDragon · 20/08/2014 08:55

OP if you want to vent IN AIBU, I totally understand (but be aware that some responses may be less than understanding)
If you want support and advice as MNHQ to move this to Relationships. Lots of experienced people there who can advise you.

deakymom · 20/08/2014 09:14

when he forgot to pick her up from nursery did they have to ring you to collect? if they did there is your evidence he is a total liar

just go through the process and let him have his contact when he does it again at least you will have tried

deakymom · 20/08/2014 09:17

my ex stopped visiting too told people i was stopping him this was back in 2003 so when well meaning people had a go at me i said its free to take me to court as he is not working tell him to do that he never did he couldn't be bothered to he also works but cba to pay ive stopped bothering with the csa why should his wife and kids suffer because he keeps quitting a job everytime he has to pay me £7 a week

CSIJanner · 20/08/2014 10:02

Surely the nursery will have records to back you up? There's your evidence to send back with a nice, passive aggressive pleasant letter telling him have a stern look at himself.

Original poster
Balanced12 · 20/08/2014 11:00

Freespirit89 could you expand a little for me? I do think it's a waste of time him getting this order he will let her down and again and that isn't fair on her !

I hadn't thought about the nursery as evidence, I will ring them and ask them to put it in writing for me. I always had to leave work to go and sort an alternative was frustrating.

Thank you everyone, I will have a look at the relationships thread thanks again

OP posts:
FreeSpirit89 · 20/08/2014 12:07

We went through solicitors, DS had no idea who his dad was but he pushed for contact. So we agreed supervised to begin with. He wasn't happy with this, one week he turned up next he didn't, so I stopped it.

His solicitors sent some very odd letters, making me out to be unreasonable and a mad hatter. He pushed for it to go to court. Me and my solicitor turns up, his solicitor was there also.

Whilst sitting in the waiting room the receptionist from my solicitors office turnt up with a letter from him, saying it was a waste of time him appearing in court because he didn't dispute the fact our son lived with me, and it was a waste of time. Despite the fact he was there for a contact order!

Sometimes its the best thing for parents who cant be bothered to be consistent, to go away for good. Ds hasn't seen his father for a year, I expect I shall get a message around Christmas when he will want to trurn up with some presents though.

Original poster
Balanced12 · 20/08/2014 14:14

Thank you for that Freespirit89 I will have to keep my fingers crossed.

I've phoned the nursery but the have said they will be unable to provide a letter as they were told by safeguarding for the group prior to not get involved with cases.
They say they have registers but can't release them as it's a data protection issue, gutted.

OP posts:
Sunna · 20/08/2014 14:17

They can release the registers. You can give permission for details of your DC's attendance to be released. Don't let them fob you off.

4littleones · 20/08/2014 14:20

my ex is the same and I hate it. Sad if you find a miracle cure then please let me know Thanks

ShirleyYoureNotSerious · 20/08/2014 14:28

Balanced12, you are entitled to hard copies which you can keep, of registers and any other information pertaining to your daughter.

You need to write (email is fine) to the nursery and ask for all documents, registers, written communications and notes or transcripts of telephone conversations plus anything else you believe to be necessary.

Tell them that you're making a subject access request regarding [DDs full name] under the Data Protection Act 1998

ShirleyYoureNotSerious · 20/08/2014 14:41

Thinking about it further, go over the top with making sure you cover every possible type of information in your request.

Ensure you ask for copies of all documents, notes, letters, emails and transcripts of phone conversations regarding SmallChild Balance12 and/or Balance12. Don't let them worm their way out of a disclosure by excluding anything they've got on file which refers to you alone and doesn't specifically mention SmallChild.

You never know what full disclosure might uncover if by chance the ex has been in communication with the nursery without your knowledge.

Good luck. I know this kind of pondlife ex all too well unfortunately.

Aeroflotgirl · 20/08/2014 14:49

Yanbu he sounds like a fair weather dad. Let him take it to court, judge will not be pleased if he is inconsistent and misses contact, it may go against him. Let them see how he really is!

Original poster
Balanced12 · 20/08/2014 19:35

Thank you that's brilliant will be writing to the nursery !

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