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Original poster

Coffee with DH's ExW?

45 replies

zeezeek · 19/08/2014 18:26

Met with my DH's Ex this morning for coffee. On the table next to us there was a couple of English women and we passed the time of day with them and they made a comment about us being mother and daughter. I guess we do look similar and she is very well preserved (she's 66). Anyway we explained our connection and they were horrified, mostly on her behalf and one of them even made a comment about how I was rubbing her nose in the fact that her husband left her for a younger women (he didn't). Is it strange that an ex and a current wife can get on? It's not something that either of us, or DH, have ever thought odd...we met just after DH and I married and although we aren't close friends, we get one well and often meet up when we're in Sweden or she's in England.

OP posts:
needaholidaynow · 19/08/2014 19:34

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Original poster
zeezeek · 19/08/2014 19:36

needaholidaynow - exactly! She's right here....shall we start a fight over who is more unreasonable?

OP posts:
Floop · 19/08/2014 19:37

I think your relationship is wonderful Smile

BOFster · 19/08/2014 19:44

I think it's peculiar for strangers to ask if you were mother and daughter. And a bit rude.

Original poster
zeezeek · 19/08/2014 19:44

Thanks.

OP posts:
Original poster
zeezeek · 19/08/2014 19:47

BOFster - it was, but we do look similar (indication of my DH's preference of tall blondes I suppose!). I was mortified on her behalf, but she found it funny, especially as I am only about 12 years older than her eldest DD.

OP posts:
zeezeek · 19/08/2014 19:48

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Paloma12 · 19/08/2014 19:50

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DrunkenWhore · 19/08/2014 20:09

Not odd no. I was friends with DH's ex for a while (although they were never married). Although I couldn't maintain the friendship as she's very full on and demanding. Now we see each other occasionally through DSD and I have her as a friend on FB.

plinth · 19/08/2014 20:15

How is it a stealth boast? Either you get on or you don't!?

I think it is an ideal to be aimed for, but is unfortunately rarely achieved.

Montegomongoose · 19/08/2014 20:17

You sound mature and lovely, both of you. It's gracious behaviour and your DH and his children are lucky you both behave so sensibly.

There are sadly many who could learn from such elegant solutions, reading some of the self-obsessed vitriol regarding the step mother on these boards.

MNHQ
IonaMumsnet · 19/08/2014 20:18

Evening all. Just a reminder that if this is derailed and becomes a TAAT we might have to delete it. Let 'relevant' be our watchword for tonight, pretty please?

Original poster
zeezeek · 19/08/2014 20:30

Montegomongoose - she is a lovely gracious lady who managed to turn a marriage break up into a strong friendship between two families.

OP posts:
HoldenMcGroin · 19/08/2014 20:32

Do I need to AS the OP? #talksinacronyms

LRDtheFeministDragon · 19/08/2014 20:45

I didn't see the other thread.

I think what happened was incredible - honestly, most people are friendly with ex-partners who aren't unpleasant. It's normal.

I would stop worrying about the age gap/ how you come across because of it. If your DH was put off by it, he'd not have dated you. It's no-one else's business, and obviously doesn't bother his ex (who knows, she might have a toyboy too!), so why let it upset you?

Original poster
zeezeek · 19/08/2014 20:56

Lol, well actually her DH is 15 years younger than her, looks about 10 years older and my DH finds it very odd that she would want to be with someone so young.....even though I was 21 when we married! Bit of double standards going on - but he can be forgiven because he's usually fab. Not that he has much choice in the matter - he has 3 DDs, 2 grand-daughters, one current wife and one ex-wife, 3 sisters and a soon to be DIL. Poor love.

OP posts:
Original poster
zeezeek · 19/08/2014 20:56

Lol, well actually her DH is 15 years younger than her, looks about 10 years older and my DH finds it very odd that she would want to be with someone so young.....even though I was 21 when we married! Bit of double standards going on - but he can be forgiven because he's usually fab. Not that he has much choice in the matter - he has 3 DDs, 2 grand-daughters, one current wife and one ex-wife, 3 sisters and a soon to be DIL. Poor love.

OP posts:
LRDtheFeministDragon · 19/08/2014 20:59

Honestly, stop worrying about it. It's a big deal to you - it may be a big deal to a couple of people with time on their hands - but it doesn't matter. The more you make it sound like an issue, the more it will become one.

Just be happy. Loads of people are in the same boat, I'm sure.

FryOneFatManic · 19/08/2014 21:03

DP's ex is coming around here shortly.

They parted about 30 years ago. DP and I got together about 28 years ago.

It's all water under the bridge now, she has her own family. And yes we do look similar... Grin

Original poster
zeezeek · 19/08/2014 21:57

Men can be so predictable lol!

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