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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this was a little passive aggressive/bitchy?

57 replies

Fanfeckintastic · 19/08/2014 14:57

I was in the playground with DD earlier and got chatting to a mother of one of the children DD was playing with. Almost straight away she kind of did a really patronizing but still totally polite laugh and said God fair play to you getting all dressed up for the playground, I couldn't be bothered with all that! I just laughed it off but she brought it up again, though not rudely I just got a nasty vibe from it like she was laughing at me. For reference I was wearing a €7 dress from Primark, black tights, biker jacket and flat boots?! Hardly red carpet material!

But then she saw me waving to a woman I used to work with who was with a friend and she sighed/laughed and said "Oh Jesus more movie stars" before moving off.

I'm annoyed with myself for being annoyed but it's really riled me up, I would never comment on somebody's clothes/look other than to compliment them but it felt like she was totally making a laugh out of me or insinuating something I can't even put my finger on!

OP posts:

jonicomelately · 19/08/2014 15:34

If you see her again ask if she'd like ketchup with her chips

Bettercallsaul1 · 19/08/2014 15:35

I think there were too many "rather"s there!

OnlyLovers · 19/08/2014 15:39

She's got a serious chip on her shoulder.

I'd be tempted to turn up in a floor-length evening gown next time.

DialsMavis · 19/08/2014 15:40

Some women seem to think if you brush your hair, stick a but of makeup on and wear something vaguely fashionable you are
A) a neglectful witch and more interested in preening than taking care of DC
B) somehow getting at them and their decision to not do the above

hamptoncourt · 19/08/2014 15:42

I get this sort of comment quite often. I don't really do scruffy. It doesn't suit me and I am comfortable in dresses and wear them nine days out of ten. Bodycon at work, floaty at the park, whatever I fancy really.

I agree with PP you just have to accept that some people will regard a well turned out woman as a threat and will react accordingly.

It definitely says more about them than it does about you. It's a same she feels that way about herself and an even bigger shame she couldn't keep her big gob shit about it.

Floop · 19/08/2014 15:43

Go tomorrow in a sequin maxi dress, red lipstick and full head of ringlets.

chinamoon · 19/08/2014 15:48

Fan I used to get comments for going to school drop off in full make up. I wake up early and like make up so put it on in the plenty of time before school. Ignore ignore ignore. I really wonder about people who have to put others down over such trivial stuff, don't you?

Chances are that she felt fat and frumpy in your presence (I've felt that way at times so have some sympathy with her but not for her making you feel bad because she did.)

And massive congratulations about losing 5 stone and now looking like a movie star. There is no way you can look at that and not feel brilliant about it!

Notagainmun · 19/08/2014 15:53

Yep, she was jealous and feeling inadequate, she was trying to knock your confidence down to her level. She can only succeed if you let her get to you.

WooWooOwl · 19/08/2014 15:56

Cheeky bitch!

My guess is that she feels shit about her own appearance and is feeling defensive about it so attacked you for looking good.

Coumarin · 19/08/2014 15:57

Yy, why do some women seem to have a real problem with other women doing their hair and make up?

I've experienced snide comments many times from different people for reapplying lipstick or whatever. Why does it bother them what someone else is choosing to do with their face or clothes?

You see it all the time on here on the 'how much make up do you wear?' type threads. Like it's a competition to see who can give the least toss about what they look like. Why is it something to be proud of?

Tadla · 19/08/2014 16:05

Rude of her. Agree with everyone that she would like to be more ars*d about her presentation but probably doesnt want to find the extra 10 mins to do so. Im sure you looked great and not inappropriate at all.

ChickenFajitaAndNachos · 19/08/2014 16:12

I get loads of comments from other women saying I look 'glam'. I am not glamorous but don't think you need to completely let yourself go to prove you are a good mum.
Wear a tiara the next time you go to the park.

Davsmum · 19/08/2014 16:13

You obviously looked nice - she felt less attractive and wanted to belittle you.
SHE has a problem - you don't

She wishes she looked better and hates anyone else who makes an effort.
YANBU - she is.

Tikimon · 19/08/2014 16:17

You mean, it's a competition to see who can pretend to give the least toss...

Everyone cares what they look like, unless you have a mh problem. Otherwise we'd all look like crazy bag ladies.

Not wearing makeup =/= not caring what you look like either. I don't wear makeup but I still care, and I make sure I'm bathed, well groomed, and wearing an outfit I'm confident in. I just don't wear make up because, bluntly, I look good without it, so there's no point. When I get wrinkles and baggy eyes, I'll take it up under consideration.

NigellasPeeler · 19/08/2014 16:20

I think you should get some more 'movie star' outfits and give it large down the park - I am thinking leopard print, heels, bling etc.

Stinkle · 19/08/2014 16:24

I get lots of comments too., mostly at school.

I don't dress up, far from it, I'm just wearing my usual day to day clothes, but I do quite like messing about with clothes and fashion/style. I suit things like fitted/tailored jackets, skinny jeans and boots. And I do wear make up.

I once turned up at a school assembly in dark blue skinny jeans, a long, fitted, blue and white striped top and white Primark plimsolls, with minimal make up. Nothing amazing but got lots of comments about dressing up for the school run, "I'd rather spend the time with my DD/DS" etc.

Wearing heels on the school run seems to open up a whole new level of vitriol. I have a pair of Ash trainer wedges which I bloody love and wear with gay abandon. "How can I run in them?" "How can you keep up with your children, you neglectful fashion victim" My kids are 13 and 9, I long ago stopped basing my wardrobe choices on whether or not I could run in it

I just laugh it off, but it does annoy me

Sianilaa · 19/08/2014 16:31

Well done on losing 5 stone! I need to do that... I bet you looked really lovely.

She clearly felt jealous, or that somehow you looking nice made her feel bad about herself or something.

I do wear make up on the school run and straighten my hair every morning. If I didn't, I would look rough as a badger's arse and people keep asking me if I'm ill. I always look crap in my clothes though so it balances out ;)

VanitasVanitatum · 19/08/2014 16:32

You obviously looked great! Look at the positive, don't take a negative from this. Even though you hadn't made an effort, to her you looked glamorous. Entirely her hang up about the way she looks.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 19/08/2014 16:36

Well rather wonderfully, you must exude confidence and glamour :)

I wish I did, and I know I look a mess and feel daunted next to glamourpusses and natural beauties... But that doesnt make me hate them or decide its appropriate to say rude things!!!

No, that comes from insecurities + unpleasantness. Ignore the rude woman!

WanderingTrolley1 · 19/08/2014 16:39

Well done on the weight loss, OP.

She's jealous.

bubalou · 19/08/2014 16:58

I hate this attitude and have had similar from playground mums.

It's like they think they're better for not caring about how they look. I only wear jeans and trainers. Once I had a work meeting which meant picking up DS in black jeans, flat boots and a blouse - seriously you would have thought from this one mum i had turned up in a ball gown.

The last mum that said something similar to me got a reply of 'it must be nice to just roll out of bed and leave the house without worrying what you look like'.

Original poster

Fanfeckintastic · 19/08/2014 17:04

Aw who said AIBU all bad, I feel all warm and fuzzy everyone thanks!

It's so true that there is almost a competition about who can care the less or delight in the fact the children have "better stuff than me", "more shoes than me" etc!

OP posts:

Stinkle · 19/08/2014 17:06

I don't know if it is always jealousy/insecurity though.

There is a certain group of mothers at my DD's school who genuinely seem to think that spending any time or money on yourself means you're a neglectful harpy who is depriving your kids

"Lipstick? I spend every single penny on my children", "You put make up on? I'd rather spend time with my children", etc, etc.

I'm no glamour puss, and I wouldn't say I exude confidence, but I do like messing about with clothes and putting together outfits

Coumarin · 19/08/2014 17:11

Yy Tiki I worded that part clumsily. I think I was recalling a particular thread where the phrase 'I don't care what I look like' was said a few times. Almost like a badge of honour. I definitely don't think bit wearing make up = not caring.

PurpleSwift · 19/08/2014 17:16

She was rude but just sounds insecure. I wouldn't take it personally.

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