To not let ds1 go to the in laws on his own again?

[Natalie1989xo]

DS1 is 8 and wanted to stay with DH's parents. He went Friday evening and was due to return Thursday. He decided he wanted to come home yesterday (Monday) and so MIL brought him back. We live 2.5 hours away.

Upon return he told me that MIL had told him that she will not be planning anything special for him on any future visits as they were supposed to be meeting with her friend and going to the cinema. Also he was told that he would not be invited again for a while because of his lies.

The lies in question are in relation to ds wanting to go on BIL xbox and said he only was on it for 15 minutes, now we all now that 15 mins to an 8 yr old is probably an hour at least so there wasn't an issue there. ds had told me about this on the phone and I shared it with MIL on the phone. But the bit that pissed me off was that when I got off the phone to her she pulled ds up on it. She told him that telling such lies would hurt BIL's feelings, he's 23.

He wet the bed while he was there and I am told that he was not told off for it. But last night he was upset, crying, never wants to go again..

He has had 2 bad nose bleeds this morning and begs me not to tell MIL what he has told me as she might shout at him for it. He seems so upset by it all and as much as I want to ring and find out what the hell has gone on she tends to make everything about her and be the victim so there really is no positive outcome in confronting her. DH says not to let him go again and I do agree but why does no one face up to this woman about anything? DH won't ring her and instead will discreetly speak to Father IL but I doubt anything will be raised with her.

I am not quite sure what I am asking here, a viewpoint, some perspective or advice? Thanks for reading..

[diddl]

How was her meeting her friend something special for your son??

[Natalie1989xo]

I imagine because they were going on to the cinema with said friend. I suppose something in it for both of them.

[bubalou]

Your poor DS, I hope he's ok.

I would definitely get your other half to phone her and explain that DS won't be staying again and why!

Poor thing.

[HappydaysArehere]

Love my grandchildren with a passion. Used to look after them on a very regular basis so had house set up for them. Toys, books, painting etc.
Never remember tears or trouble.
Would have been heartbroken if the children were anything but happy to come. What is the matter with this stupid woman? Wasting those precious few years of their childhood. Ignore her. It's her loss.

[HappydaysArehere]

Ps. Sounds as if she is the child, not your little one.

[exexpat]

I think some grandparents have just forgotten how to deal with younger children, and expect them to think and behave like miniature adults.

My in-laws have never offered or shown any interest in having my DCs to stay or even in being left in sole charge of them while staying here, and I think I would have been reluctant to let them anyway when they were younger because judging from some previous incidents, MiL has completey forgotten what small children are like and would get annoyed at perfectly normal behaviour.

There was one time when DS was two or three and was having a bit of a melt-down just before supper when we were staying with them, and by the time the food was ready he was in such a state that he wouldn't come to the table. MiL asked me what was wrong, I explained he was tired and hungry, so she said, well, why doesn't he just come and eat? Unfortunately 2/3-year-olds aren't known for behaving logically, but she just couldn't understand that.

[DraggingDownDownDown]

Sorry to be missing the point... but what is the big deal about how long he was on the xbox for? It's not like it can only last for an hour and then breaks down!

[fabulousfour]

Oh she sounds horrible. No advice Im afraid as Im atruggling to.

[EmilyCHN]

Feel sorry for your son, and you.. There is nothing as straining or wearing as family upsets! But I think you've solved the problem already.. You don't want him to go back there, your DS doesn't want to go back there.. and your wonderful MIL has said he won't be invited again.. Sorry you've had this on your plate though. Chin up =)

[thelmachicken]

I really don't understand what he has done. Was he not allowed on the xbox.

[queenofthemountain]

I think there is something your ds isn't telling you.Something which he thinks won't reflect too well on him.
I would ask your DH to ring and find out what happened.

[Natalie1989xo]

It is more the point that she has called him a liar that has upset him. He said he was on it for 15 mins to me when it was longer. . I didn't think it was a big fib so told her on the phone in jest and she pulled him up for telling 'such lies' and I think it was a mountain out of a molehill as it was just a fib. He is still wetting the bed and hasn't done for about 18 months prior to this.

I think he just had a shitty time.

[mixedpeel]

I feel for him, OP, as it sounds like he has indeed had a shitty time. He was no doubt expecting a good time, perhaps a little spoiling, and feeling like a special grandchild. Sounds like her true colours have come shining through, but at 8, he very likely blames himself for how she has reacted.

Previous posters have mentioned that he might have behaved in a way that he doesn't want you to find out - my reading of it would be that he hasn't necessarily done anything particularly dastardly at all, most likely this slight minimising of the xbox time, but that grandma's reaction has really worried him. So he quite possibly is worried about you 'finding out' just how bad he was.

For me the main confusion for him will be the disconnect between nice loving grandma and angry telling off grandma. If this is the first time he's seen this side to her, no wonder he's been quite badly affected. I'm not sure how you would go about it without making your own views on her manipulative behaviour plain (which I also think would be unfair on him), but you might try and look for ways to let him know that as far as you know, you don't think he did anything wildly wrong, and possibly (if you think it's appropriate), your DH could tell some funny stories about how grandma used to discipline him as a boy, to show your son that she might go about things in a different way than he is used to.

[thelmachicken]

That's a ridiculous from MIL. He hasn't really done anything wrong at all.
Poor ds.

[thelmachicken]

Sorry that's a ridiculous reaction from MIL.

[Mutley77]

Don't send him again! My DC are reluctant to stay with my parents on their own (but quite happy together!). I think it is that there are different rules, an older person in charge with different views and grandparents may need to instil discipline during such a stay which probably isn't usually part of their remit.

I have only once left my DC (aged 4 and 7 at the time) for 3 nights - other than that it is the odd night which I think is enough. If siblings have each other for company/support I think it is different - I certainly wouldn't have been happy staying with my grandparents on my own as a young child (whenever we went it was as a family or my sister and I together). I also have a friend with an only child who does not enjoy staying with his grandparents - he's older than your DS and has a generally good relationship with them.

My DC would stay with my IL's over my dead body whether together or separate! And the IL's aren't really in a position to offer anyway thankfully.

I don't think anyone needs confronting - like you say, you know what the outcome of that would be anyway.

My DS once started saying he hated my dad and I finally got to the bottom of it that my dad was being quite rough and grabbing him by the wrist to do something if DS was refusing. (Was a stressful time in our family for a number of reasons and usually my dad wouldn't have responsibility for DS's behaviour). Dad didn't mean any harm and I wasn't going to get into a row about it (dad would have been hugely defensive if criticised) - but I kept a close eye and fully supervised all contact between dad and DS for a while after - and told DS in no uncertain terms to loudly say "stop grandad" should it ever happen again when I didn't notice it.

[JessieMcJessie]

Poor little bugger - 15 minutes on an X box is hardly enough time to get going. MIL and BIL thought this was a treat?!

His uncle sounds like a real spoiled brat.

[Natalie1989xo]

Yes the uncle is a brat, 23 going on 7 i think. MIL still buys him 'treats' when shopping, like a pokemon magazine and a bag of donuts. it is rather strange!

[Aeroflotgirl]

How strange, she might still see her ds as 7! Has he git any SN that he is treated like that!

[Dubjackeen]

I'd leave it, and just simply not let him stay again.

[Natalie1989xo]

No SN, just still treated like a child. It is most peculiar

[tobysmum77]

her reaction of not having him again is a horrible rejection for an 8 year old . She is meant to be the adult ffs. yadnbu.

[queenofthemountain]

Natalie-why are you slating the uncle? What did he do wrong.I thought you said he let your kid play on his xbox?
I still think you need to get to the bottom of what went on? Are you sure it wasn't just homesickness? Has he been away from you much before?

[gotthemoononastick]

Oh dear OP.How petty and mean!I still buy my 40-plus year old boys (and girls) little treats!

Ranging from Asterix comics,little kitchen gadgets,perfume and yes!biscuits and doughnuts!!

Wait and see..your children are just that forever!

[Natalie1989xo]

He has been away to their house for a weekend before and has spent lots of time with them on many sleepovers.

Homesickness would of course played a part but he has never been in a state like that before. I think she just came down too harsh on him.