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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not believe you would end a relationship for such ridiculous reasons?

40 replies

JaponicaTroggs · 19/08/2014 11:32

I've noticed a lot of posters stating lately that they couldn't date/be married to/would end a relationship with someone for what I would consider incredibly petty reasons. Not being able to cook/swim/drive or because they don't share your taste in music.

I find it hard to believe irl you could meet a lovely, funny, kind person who could be someone "special" and three months in dump them because, shock horror, they announce they can't make a spag Bol or move through water!

Do people really make life decisions based on such trivial reasons?

OP posts:

fairylightsintheloft · 19/08/2014 12:59

There is also a difference between ending an established relationship that may have kids / mortgage etc and just not getting into one because of a "petty" issue. I said on the not cooking thread the other day that I would not be in a relationship with someone who would never ever cook. To me it is a basic life skill and pretty unattractive for an adult to be that helpless, no matter what other amazing things he can do. I just wouldn't get into the relationship. If we had a few dates and it came up and I liked the guy, I would tell him that this was something that I would find a problem if it was going to get serious and take it from there.

BarbarianMum · 19/08/2014 13:07

Let's just say that, if a relationship is strong in other ways, you probably wouldn't end it because the other person can't make spag bol, or has a horrible green jumper they wear sometimes, or has an irritating way of sitting backwards on a chair.

Ending a relationship for these kind of reasons is fine because it suggests there wasn't very much to end.

brokenhearted55a · 19/08/2014 13:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

owlborn · 19/08/2014 16:21

I always assume that if you end a relationship for a trivial reason it means you don't really want to be with that person on some level and that is OK. If you don't care enough to overlook the fact that your partner sometimes listens to awful music (I would, as a note, be stuffed if that was one of DH's dealbreakers) or won't eat olives or watches crappy TV (again, thank god DH is willing to turn a blind eye) then they are probably better off without you.

taxi4ballet · 19/08/2014 16:36

I dumped someone after two dates because he said he hated cats and would drop-kick one if it came near him.

I had 3 cats at the time...

seaweed123 · 19/08/2014 17:11

I don't think that not being able to cook is trivial. It definitely says something significant about someone who gets past the age of 18 (actually, 16?) without having bothered to learn the basics of how to take care of themselves.

Similarly with learning to drive - someone who is fine and self sufficient on public transport = fine. Someone who expects friends and family to ferry them around = not fine.

Damnautocorrect · 19/08/2014 17:21

I dumped someone because they pulled over on the hard shoulder and had a wee. We'd just passed a services the junction before, I wanted to say "the world is not your toilet and you've not washed your hands". That split second I felt nothing but disgust!!!!

expatinscotland · 19/08/2014 17:23

Yeah, anyone with a filty shit tip for a room, house, car was an instant dump for me, even as a student. No time for pigs.

expatinscotland · 19/08/2014 17:24

I met men in their 30s who were total dirtbags.

Hoarders, too.

Dump.

brokenhearted55a · 19/08/2014 17:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WooWooOwl · 19/08/2014 17:30

Certain things are just unattractive to some people, so while they wouldn't be a reason to judge someone badly, they may well be a reason why something seemingly insignificant would actually make a big difference to a relationship.

To me a man who can't drive is unattractive, but it wouldn't make me think he was a bad person or in some way wrong, just that I know I wouldn't want to be with a man that couldn't drive.

lildupin · 19/08/2014 17:37

If I was with someone and he bought a Mini (not under duress - happily) I'd have to end it.

Bluetonic123 · 19/08/2014 19:08

I think that one of the reasons that the divorce rate is so high is that people feel they can't end a relationship unless they have a "good" reason and ignore nagging doubts.

ICanSeeTheSun · 19/08/2014 19:37

I wouldn't be with someone who couldn't cook though, I'm am not going to be the one that cooks every night.

I don't find that petty reason at all.

OldDaddy · 20/08/2014 15:38

My mum ended up cutting out a friend from her life because she wasn't invited to a surprise party held for her friend....because obviously it's her friends fault.

50 years of friendship down the pan - this woman was my brothers Godmother. Sadly she died not too long after.

So if close friends are going to fall apart over nothing reasons imagine how much worse its going to be for people in a partnership ;(

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