Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave my 10 year old in charge of my 4 year old?

51 replies

GallopingTrots · 18/08/2014 23:18

Ok..I know how it sounds. But hear me out!

My 10 year old is very sensible and mature for her age. She is also lazy beyond belief so I have left her at home alone for periods of time knowing there is absolutely no way she will do anything silly as that would involve moving! My 4 year old is obviously, at age 4, not so sensible, however she is a very good sleeper, and since the nightmare baby days she has not woken up, ever, once she has gone to sleep until the morning.

So I was thinking, if my 10 year old was fully briefed and left with her mobile next to her with the instructions to call me if dd2 woke up, would there be any harm in leaving them for a couple of hours once dd2 was asleep, if I was staying very local and could be back within 5 minutes? Also, my ndn, whose dd pretty much lives at our house during the day, has said that if I ever did want to go out dd1 could just give her a shout if dd2 did wake up - our back gardens are actually linked by a small gate so it wouldn't be hard for dd1 to call for her.

Am I being nuts? I am very skint and a LP and haven't been out anywhere socially for at least 4 months as I just can't afford a babysitter.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 18/08/2014 23:34

could she lift her daughter out of bed to your house then back to her own when you come home ?

Breezy1985 · 18/08/2014 23:36

No way. I have a 10yo DD, and whilst I've left her with my 8yo DS for a max of half an hour whilst I've been next door, I wouldn't leave them at night, she is absolutely brilliant with younger kids but I wouldn't leave her responsible for one, she's still so young!

ICanSeeTheSun · 18/08/2014 23:37

Could her DD sleep over and NDN babysit until you come home, then she gets a lie in and you get a night out.

arethereanyleftatall · 18/08/2014 23:38

Her dd has a sleepover at yours then one evening? She sits with them in your house till you're home, you sort their breakfast out, all square!

Tikimon · 18/08/2014 23:38

I was left in charge of my younger brother at 11 years old, but he was 8. A four year old is still very little and I'm not confident a 10 year old would have the authority to tell a 4 year old what to do. The younger they are, the more hard work they are.

Dancergirl I was baby sitting groups of kids at 12 years old. They're probably fine now if you have a sensible 13 year old. The problem is that they're siblings, and siblings don't always listen to each other.

arethereanyleftatall · 18/08/2014 23:39

Xpost!

Original poster
GallopingTrots · 18/08/2014 23:40

We've tried having sleepovers with her dd staying here, but both times she has not been able to settle and wanted to go home within 20 mins of going to bed. She is 8 but quite young for her age and I don't think she is ready for sleepovers yet, even if they are about 4 metres the other side of the wall from where she normally sleeps!

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 18/08/2014 23:41

even if her own mother is there ? Confused

Original poster
GallopingTrots · 18/08/2014 23:43

My parents would often go out for a meal and leave us at home from when the eldest was 13. We would have been 13, 11, 7 and 2 then. That was before mobile phones, and we lived about 2 miles from another house so if anything had happened we'd have been buggered!

OP posts:
Original poster
GallopingTrots · 18/08/2014 23:44

I don't know AnyFucker, we haven't tried that yet! Might be worth a go.

OP posts:
SoonToBeSix · 18/08/2014 23:47

Op no definitely not
Dancer should be fine now if a mature 13.

Primaryteach87 · 18/08/2014 23:49

I looked after my baby sister from 11 under similar circumstances. I knew what to do in case of emergency. In fact, one time we DID have a grown up babysitter she was so panicked it was me who called an ambulance.... You probably could get in trouble for this, so not advising yes - but in my secret heart of hearts, honestly I don't think this wrong and was very common 20 years ago.

oaksettle · 18/08/2014 23:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fortyplus · 18/08/2014 23:53

We all did this when I was a kid 40 years ago - and guess what - most of the time it was fine but every now and then a kid died or suffered serious harm. I think we know better now, don't you OP??

Original poster
GallopingTrots · 18/08/2014 23:54

Hmm I think I will leave it for at least another couple of years...I guess if I wholeheartedly thought it was a good plan I wouldn't be asking on here! I trust my 10 year old 100% but it is a lot of responsibility to put on her.

OP posts:
FloozeyLoozey · 18/08/2014 23:54

Op why don't you suggest your friends come to your house instead of you going out? Pack the dds off to bed early and maybe have a few glasses of wine?

VeryStressedMum · 18/08/2014 23:55

Not at 10 i wouldn't, and 4 is quite young to be left with a 10 yr old.
I left my 7 yr old with my 14 and 13 yr olds for two hours just recently for the first time.

Original poster
GallopingTrots · 18/08/2014 23:59

www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-12380329

This is an interesting article. Even a quote from MN's Justine!

OP posts:
RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 19/08/2014 00:00

Absolutely not on.

mineofuselessinformation · 19/08/2014 00:05

Don't be so ridiculous.

Glastokitty · 19/08/2014 00:09

Why can't your kids go into hers for a few hours?

HumblePieMonster · 19/08/2014 00:09

You'd be very wrong to do this. Ten years old is far too young.

I was frequently left, aged eight, to care for my four year old brother. One of my later counsellors, a former social worker, asked "Who called social services for you?" No-one did. No-one gave a fuck (except my aunt who went and got my mum out of mental hospital on the grounds that a mad mother was better than no parenting at all). Anyway, the point is, according to my former-social-worker-now-counsellor, its a social services matter.

allthingspossible · 19/08/2014 00:14

Gallipingtrots You have made a wiser decision it seems from your first to last post, however, do not underestimate the persuasion of the neighbour and be on guard. It is not ok for you to leave yours. I actually thought your first post was about "going out" and leaving them. When you threw the next door neighbour into the mix it seemed to confuse people into thinking you were trying to be responsible, but it is still leaving them at home alone. Your next door neighbour is wrong. Her daughter is right at aged 8 not be want to feel vulnerable no matter what the circumstances. Your children are yours to treasure and if she will not come over and let her 8 yr old sleep then it is not workable as you have a 4 yr old. Unless she is happy for all to sleep in her house? I would re-think any arrangements made during day-times too between you if she thinks it is okay for them to be sleeping in a house alone and unsupervised. Just my opinion and thoughts.

Original poster
GallopingTrots · 19/08/2014 00:19

Glastokitty - that wouldn't work as my 10 year old really doesn't like the ndn's daughter....she would rather stick pins in her eyes I think than go next door.

Allthingspossible - I don't need to worry during the day as the dc are never left unsupervised when at hers - or mine.

OP posts:
likklemum · 19/08/2014 00:50

I wouldn't- what would happen if there was a power cut/ break in etc? I worked at a school where one of the children was left in charge of younger siblings. There was a power cut, she lit a candle and at some point a fire started. There was no time to call anyone. The DCs were removed from the mother.
When I returned from work the other day, there was a smell of burning - it turned out to be an electrical fault. These things can happen and are too much for a 10 yr old to be expected to deal with. IMO

Swipe left for the next trending thread