to think that my boss is only my boss when we're at work

[NotSuchASmugMarriedNow]

and that when we are out socialising, we are equals, she's not the boss and can't tell me where to sit and to move up so that she can sit where I'm sitting at the dinner table? Eh?

I'll be controversial and say it is naive to think that a person leaves their perceptions, opinions and prejudices at the door of the office ( and by prejudice I don't mean sexism, racism, ageism, I mean the person's internal beliefs which may be affected by the way people behave towards them and others)

What The Boss sees on a night out, they wont just forget the next day, their opinion will be changed. In theory they dont have authority over their Reports on a night out, but if they are challenged I can bet you they may not say anything, but their opinion will change and they wont forget in a hurry!

That's why I cant stand work do's because I never enjoy myself or let my hair down.

Yeap, I think I lost a job because of a work do, as I tend to think like the OP.

Did she tell you to, or did she ask?

I tend to accommodate people regardless of whether they are my boss or even strangers if it doesn't impact me.

You need to be careful how you behave no matter where you meet your boss. If the meal put was anyway work related then I would toe the line and show her respect. If it was a bunch of friends and she happened to be there too it would be out if line by her but you can't control her bad behaviour, only your own so I would still be careful. If you reacted to her negatively, I think it would be foolish.

Boss doesn't get to tell you what to do at work based on her personal wants! She only gets to tell you to do work related things so the same is true out of work,

Socailsing with your boss is hardly ever just socialising. Regardless of whether it's work related or not, perceptions of each other can be irreversibly altered when the shackles of work are off.

So no technically she isn't your boss when socialising and shouldn't tell you what to do but in reality, getting irate and telling your boss to do one on a work night WILL carry over in to work.

My DH's boss sometimes rings him at home, and if I answer he is a condescending twat to me, treats me like his secretary and gets arsey if my DH is not immediately available (being contacted at home is not part of his job at all, I should add) I get my own back by saying very politely 'who's calling please? ' even though I know damn well. He hates it because he thinks he is boss of the world and everyone should know him and bow to his authority. Believe me it is even worse when your partners boss thinks he is also your boss by default. Even so, YANBU!

Yanbu - but you could be wiser