To keep challenging my arsey neighbour?

[Anjou]

We've been in this house for 3 years and this neighbour is directly opposite. We both have large bay windows and she often stands staring into our house like a massively rude weirdo.

Things she's said in the past:
"I thought you looked really fat", when telling her I was 5 months pregnant.

"Oh god, are you mad?! One is bad enough!" Said in front of her 5 year old and my 1.5 yr old when I told her I was pregnant with DS2.

"I've seen you've got a nice shelving unit in your lounge. Can I come in and get a proper look" after knocking on our door 1 week after moving in and her constant peering into our house through the aforementioned bay windows.

"I saw your cat on the window sill. I thought DS1 was going to reach out, push him off and KILL him!" Said in front of 3yr old DS & because we let our cat sit on the window of a first floor room, but only when me or DH are with the kids (because who would leave young kids on their own with open sash windows?).

Each comment is made with a false laugh after it (in an attempt to make it seem less aggressive maybe? It reminds me of that awful Umbridge character in Harry Potter).

She's mentioned how much she regrets having kids, how it's ruined her life etc quite a few times - again, in front of her DS, the poor, poor lad. I have every sympathy for those that have pnd or any other form of depression, MH issues, confidence issues etc. but I find it really difficult to bite my tongue when anyone is snide, uses schadenfreude, is passive aggressive etc. Rather than be sarky, I say things like "well, you do put weight on when pregnant!", "I've LOVED being a mum, can't wait to do it all over again!" and most recently "it's a cat. Even if he DID fall from a first floor window, he's going to be fine".

She makes an effort to try to be patronising/belittling every time we speak. I say 'try' as I couldn't give a rats ass what her opinion of me is. DH says I should just smile, nod & walk away, as replying in the straight talking way I do is likely to start aggro. However, I think it's important to show my DC that you can talk frankly & non aggressively when people are being dicks purposefully awkward. I think I'm being very polite to her considering some of the stuff she comes out with!

AIBU to 'rise' to her comments (albeit because I'm trying to show my kids they shouldn't let people try to bully them or bring them down)?

You need to buy a blindingly bright search light and a pair of binoculars. Each night, switch it on full glare into her lounge and stand in front of the window staring into her lounge with your binoculars. Take notes on a pad if possible. When she questions you, just say " Oh, but you've been looking into my windows and commenting on my house for years, I didn't think for a second you would mind if I returned the favour!" Smile sweetly and walk off.

She sounds very odd, as if she has mental health problems so if it's possible to be kind while maintaining a distance, do. If not, just ignore totally. Or be very direct. That can break the pattern, ime. Asking 'What sort of reaction do you expect to get from a comment like that?' (when she says you look fat for example) might help her get out of the habit of rudeness.

I pity her child.

I don't see anything wrong with what you are doing. I don't think you are likely to start aggro because you are not challenging her comments negatively or aggressively, your replies might even help her see a more positive perspective. I'm a bit envious of you actually because when someone says something annoying to me I normally can't think up an on the spot reply and end up seething about it later, it's better to deal with things at the time.

OTOH by responding to what she says you are continuing the conversation with her so if you don't want to talk to her as much because what she says is upsetting, maybe try engaging less.

I think she is projecting her issues on to you. She is unhappy with parenthood so thinks you are mad to have another baby, she is probably worried about her own weight, which is why she noticed yours and her concern about the cat is irrational so she probably worries about a lot of things she doesn't have to. Remember that the things she says say more about her than they do about you.