Currently pregnant with DC3 and during my last pregnancies my DM has arranged surprise baby showers for me. I have never had great pregnancies and tbh I have found the showers a bit of an ordeal, and always a bit embarrassing as people have felt obliged to buy baby gifts etc.
This time, I asked DM not to do a baby shower, particularly as the DC I am currently pregnant with is the same sex as the older two and I really don't need things. She was disappointed as she has enjoyed doing the showers and enjoyed the surprise, so I suggested instead that we have a sort of "last hurrah" with my three best friends and my DSisters, sort of like a hen night but a super sedate one!
I suggested a nice afternoon tea in a posh hotel so we haven't got to do a load of catering and hosting and clearing up. DM wanted to book it and organise it with my friends so there was still an element of surprise for me.
This she has done, so I know the date, but not the location.
However, yesterday we spoke about it briefly and she referred to it as my baby shower. I asked her if she had told my friends it was a baby shower, and she said yes. I was a bit horrified and asked her to please make sure that none of them brought baby gifts and she said "but of course they will!". I'm gobsmacked and really embarrassed. None of my friends are particularly well off and I hate the thought of them struggling to buy something I don't need. I asked her to please message my friends and tell them that I absolutely don't want baby presents, and that it isn't a baby shower.
DM was very upset by this and got quite emotional. She has made me some baby clothes herself and was planning to present them to me. She said it would be rude to tell people not to buy things if they want to.
Even worse is that apparently my auntie has asked DM if I am having a baby shower and DM told her no without saying that I am having an afternoon tea with my friends. So she is planning to tell my sisters and friends not to take photos or mention the afternoon tea on Facebook so my auntie and cousins don't get offended that they weren't invited. I think at this point she wanted me to relent and tell her to invite everyone that would have come to the original baby shower she had imagined, which would just be a great horde of nans and aunties and cousins, around 20 people at least, most of whom I'm not that close to and I would feel horrible about taking gifts from.
Baby showers are a bloody nightmare, I said I didn't want one and now it seems as though DM has just gone and organised what I did want and billed it as a baby shower. I want to cancel the whole thing but I also want to see my friends and have afternoon tea at a nice hotel.
Is there any way I can salvage this without being grabby or offending anyone? WIBU to message my friends myself and insist they don't bring gifts and that it is not a baby shower? I am sure this will upset DM and steal her thunder as organiser.
This is my fault for doing something "instead" of a baby shower, I realise that. I should have insisted on absolutely sweet FA!