To be annoyed about this?

[Doodleoo]

First time poster in AIBU think I might be BU and need some perspective.

So 4.30pm last night DP rings me from works and asks if I want to go out for something to eat later… I say yes and will have a think about where I want to go. I take the dog for a walk so we don't have to worry about it later and jump in the bath. DP rings back about 5.30 and asks if I have thought about where I want to go…makes a suggestion, I say ok. Then he says "I'm setting off home now - will you be ready to go straight out?" I'm still in the bath, bit surprised as its early and he takes longer than me to get ready. I say I'll try my best. "Good" he says "You've met my mate x, I'm going to go out with him afterwards" Turns out he'd spoke to him after me and made arrangements with no apparent regard for what he had arranged half an hour previously. I'd though we were out for for food and a couple of drinks afterwards but he had decided that he'd got a better offer but was not stupid enough to dump me completely.

I said I didn't want to get ready to go out for a rushed meal so he could move on to the main event. leaving me at home.

He went out with his friend.

He says I'm being unreasonable to be annoyed and that he could easily have gone for something to eat with me and then gone out with his friend.

It's caused a bit of a bad atmosphere this morning and I need a bit of perspective.

Seems pathetic to write it down
WIBU?

It would depend on what he's like usually. Is this the first time its happened?

I think you're right. That was unfair of him.

Is this a standard way of his or is gm this a one off? If it's a one off, have a chat about and tell what part made you cross.

If it's a regular thing, next arrange a night out for yourself!

This would really bother me. It isn't very considerate toward you. YANBU, he is.

Yanbu

It wouldn't bother me so long as he's prepared to be equally as fluid.

Thanks for taking the time to reply to my first world problem

He does tend to arrange nights out at the last minute and just drop it on me, which he knows annoys me. I think I do need to arrange a night out for myself! I've got a bit on my plate at the moment and been spending a lot of time supporting him with work stuff, just feeling a bit unappreciated!

Get yourself out with your friends.
I think imho that thats the root problem and not him going out with his mate.

Bit rude yeah.

I think I've spent too much of my time recently putting myself on the back burner. i'm working full time, doing all the housework and cooking, looking after my teenage DD, helping my DM move abroad; dealing with my work issues which are important because I pay all the bills and his….which monopolise all of our time together at the moment.

Think I need to get a bloody grip and some bloody help! Oh and stop feeling so sorry for myself!

And what does he di while you work full-time, do all the housewirk and pay ALL the bills??

He does work. Has his own business which means his income fluctuates and he gives me money for shopping most weeks. House is mine on paper, owned it prior to meeting him and I think he sees it as mine, despite the fact that as far as I'm concerned it's very much ours.

To be fair, he is undergoing a massive change in his business, which without going into detail on, I am being more than supportive with. I'm sure things will settle a bit when this is sorted, but at the moment feels like all the responsibility is on me.

No OP, I don't think you should stop feeling so sorry for yourself, I think you should stop feeling so sorry for him.

Why are you taking on all his problems as well as your own when it sounds like you are just getting crumbs from him?

He is sounding a bit of a cocklodger to be honest. Tell us his good points, if he has any...........

He gives you money for shopping most weeks and he has a "business" where sometimes he doesn't earn much/any money?

Sounds massively unfair to me if he is still able to go out drinking with his mates as you are picking up all the slack. He has it made doesn't he?

I love him. He makes me laugh and I love spending time with him. He is not a total and utter cocklodger generally but appreciate that that is how it seems!

Things do feel and probably are one sided at the moment but I think that once the business issues are sorted, which will be in a couple of months that the balance will change. I'm happy to put in the extra effort if it is temporary…. with just a bit more appreciation!! Trust me, if this continues I will not be putting up with it. I owe it to myself and my DD not to.

Think my hurt over last night is just a manifestation of everything that is going on in our lives at the moment…which should all be for the positive but are getting on top of me right now. Not helped by the fact that he thinks I am totally and utterly being unreasonable!

But yes Hampton, he does have it made!