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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Had a huge row with sister

7 replies

Amber76 · 17/08/2014 08:57

My sister and I normally get on well - we never had an argument before now. We each have three kids.

We have different styles of parenting - she would be more hands on and constantly watching what the kids are doing while I take a more laid back approach and think its fine for kids to have little squabbles. There have been a few little incidents over the past year - all minor. For example, at a family function recently all the kids were playing outside and my ds (3)pushed her ds (2) after her ds tried to take toy from my ds. I gave out to my child and made him apologise. Kept a closer eye on them after that but in my eyes this would be no big deal and normal toddler behaviour.

At another get together I overheard her say that my child was always poorly behaved and causing trouble. I didn't say anything at the time but thought this was very unfair and untrue. I felt I had to bring this up at a later time because I disagreed with the comment so much. She blew up and said that I was a very lax parent who just let my children go around causing havoc - I completely disagree. She was quiet vicious and said some other nasty things about me too.

I've been upset about it since and we haven't talked now in over two weeks when we usually be in contact every few days. I can't forget the things she said and don't know how I can ever spend time in her company with the kids again. My dh says to just carry on as normal and to forget about it but I can't - how can I just sit there over a cup of tea knowing that she thinks I'm not a good parent and that my child is a bit wild? Just to be clear anyone I have talked about in the real world about this has been amazed as my ds is quiet and generally very well behaved.

OP posts:
dancestomyowntune · 17/08/2014 09:10

i think you need to clear the air and tell her how upset her comments made you.

TidyDancer · 17/08/2014 09:11

Argument aside, it does sound like she has a genuine issue with your DS's behaviour. If you two are normally quite close it wouldn't seem as though she's bringing this up out of resentment for something else. She shouldn't really have been talking about this behind your back though, she should've spoken to you directly if she felt so strongly about it.

It could be a case of her being a strict parent and therefore seeing your relaxed style being 'lax' and there really is no issue. But it could also be that you are parenting in a way that my DM refers to as "little darling is a free spirit" and your DS actually is 'causing havoc'. I'm not suggesting that's the case btw, but maybe it's how it's viewed? Only you know the truth really.

jackydanny · 17/08/2014 09:12

Gosh, where our DC are involved we can go a bit nuts.
It sounds like resentment has built up here, and she has blown her top.
Has there been other incidences with your DC pushing?
I would intervene here (pushing) and say to an older one (a year?) 'give the toy to x'
It doesn't hurt them to give way sometimes.

I would talk to your sis and ask her if there has been other incidences, and what specifically.
Then you can decide if you need to action it or not.

Andanotherthing123 · 17/08/2014 09:13

You have my sympathy - I had a similar situation with both my sisters last year. my relationship with my oldest sister who I thought I had such a close bond with has never recovered but we have pretended to shove it all under the carpet.

I'm still completely confused as to why my sister was so rude to me but she has never apologised for calling my children disruptive, especially hurtful since they both have additional needs which affect their behaviour (but still behave well IMO). I think she has issues which she let spill over into other areas of her life.

Sorry, I've no advice but just wanted to say that YANBU to feel hurt and it is your sister who is BU.

ApocalypseThen · 17/08/2014 09:15

I was going to say something similar. I have a little nephew who is a wonderful child, but has few boundaries. And as he's getting older, people outside the family are starting to comment and notice, but everyone in the family is too scared to bring it up.

If you are really honest with yourself, could that be your child?

NorksEnormous · 17/08/2014 09:26

This is one of those threads where I would love to hear the sisters version of events

FunkyBoldRibena · 17/08/2014 09:36

How about - getting together with your sister alone and just sitting down and working out a joint approach to both styles of parenting?

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