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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Weddings

13 replies

Doofer83 · 16/08/2014 21:03

Hi all,

Think I may need a bit of perspective... I'm getting married 5th September 2015, everyone knows this, I booked the venue in February,and the registrar last week. My mum got engaged a month or so before me and has decided that in the past couple of months that she wants to get married abroad she has just been on holiday to Zante and has decided that this is where she wants to do it. She is now saying that she wants to get married next August and its looking like it will be the tail end so there may only be a few days between weddings.

I just feel like it is quite inappropriate, maybe it is just that this isn't the first time one of my family has basically stolen my thunder, my sister booked her babies christening on my 30th birthday last year and at one point I had arranged a trip to London for mum mums birthday which she turned down saying she couldn't get time off work but then half way through the holiday I received a call from her saying she was with her new boyfriend in crystal palace...

My mum has always been of the opinion of 'I had you two when I was young, now I'm catching up on my youth' and I feel like sometimes that happens at mine and my sister expense

What would you all do if you were in this situation?

Thanks everyone

OP posts:
hamptoncourt · 16/08/2014 21:06

I would change my wedding date to be honest.

Maybe to DMs birthday Grin

Sounds like she is trying to compete with/outshine you?

Is she jealous?

notnowbernard · 16/08/2014 21:07

I never get involved with wedding threads, don't feel I have much to contribute as very little experience of them

But that sounds very thoughtless of your mum at best. I fear it's outright selfish behaviour though given the details you've given about her

I really feel for you, OP. Sorry this has happened.

Inertia · 16/08/2014 21:07

Keep your date, and just tell your mum what a shame it is you won't be able to make hers as they are so close together.

LadyLuck10 · 16/08/2014 21:09

Gosh op I think they are both awful for doing this. How does your mother even think doing this is ok. I would be extremely upset.

Original poster
Doofer83 · 16/08/2014 21:26

I am a bit gutted that I thought I would be able to go to her wedding but with the cost of flights, no holiday time, and the planning involved in my own wedding there is no way I will be able to attend, neither will my sister so she is risking neither of her daughter s being at her wedding...

OP posts:
icanmakeyouicecream · 16/08/2014 21:33

Seriously shit thing to do. I feel for you.

expatinscotland · 16/08/2014 21:35

She sounds like an immature narc. I'd keep my date, telling her it's a shame I won't be able to go.

joanofarchitrave · 16/08/2014 21:39

I think I would just say to her that it's not going to be possible for you to be at her wedding and ask her directly if that's what she wanted to happen.

She will make it back for yours, won't she - she won't still be on honeymoon?

Original poster
Doofer83 · 16/08/2014 21:47

That's exactly what my husband to be asked Joan. TBH I don't know exactly, I can't imagine she would miss my wedding.... I was considering asking her to walk me down the aisle as my dad is as much of an emotional cripple as she is and hasn't exactly endured himself over the years!

OP posts:
MsVenus · 16/08/2014 21:56

I would say to her that although Zante would be lovely in Oct for a wedding, she is very brave getting married in August. At 40 degrees your mum will resemble a boiled lobster in a white dress.

Bitchy comment I know but it might the only way to get her to change her mind. Unfortunately you have to appeal to her vanity rather than her empathy as that's clearly in short supply.

Chiana · 16/08/2014 21:56

OP, just come up the aisle by yourself. It's quite common these days.

Unless you've already put down a sizeable deposit on a venue for 5 September, 2015, I'd recommend changing the wedding date. If your mother then changes her wedding date again, well, you'll know for certain she's trying to steal your thunder rather than just being an inconsiderate witch.

Doilooklikeatourist · 16/08/2014 22:02

Zante ? Isn't that where the 18-30 crowd goes

Arrange your lovely wedding OP .

Explain to your mum , sadly that you won't be able to attend her happy day

Giving her plenty of time to come to her senses

MrsJossNaylor · 16/08/2014 22:03

I honestly wouldn't care. As long as they weren't getting married on exactly the same date as me, I wouldn't give it a second thought.

I'd stick with the arrangements and let everybody else do as they please, tbh.

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