To want to study now

[HabitualHobbyist]

DH and I disagree. The background...

I didn't go to University straight after my A Levels; I didn't know what I wanted to study so thought it would be better to work for a couple of years, work out what I wanted to do, then return to education. Anyway, I fell into a profession I quite enjoyed and was given the chance to study whilst working. I now have a postgraduate qualification related to my profession but no undergraduate degree (bit back to front but by no means unheard of in my line of work).

I've been working for 10 years now and every couple of years I decide that my career is really not for me and would like to retrain as a teacher, but finances have never permitted this. Instead, I've been promoted and two years ago moved employers in the hope that it wasn't my career that was the problem, more the role at that time.

I'm currently on maternity leave and having time away from my role has really cemented my view that I would like to teach - the only problem is is that I would have to complete an undergraduate degree before undertaking a PGCE as postgraduate qualifications aren't taken into consideration.

We can't afford for me to study full time, but I believe that I could study part time through the Open University whilst working and we could just about afford to do this (DF has also hinted that he and DM might contribute but I don't want to pursue this unless/until we decide it's something I'm really going to go for). I've found the perfect modules for me and this would also be a flexible enough degree for me to pursue other options if after six years, teaching really isn't for me.

DH believes I wouldn't have any time for our DS and that I would put untold pressures on the family. He's not usually closed to my ideas and is usually very supportive, so this has really got me thinking, AIBU to want to do this now?

My concern is that I leave this now, there'll always be another excuse for me to never go back and study. Many thanks in advance.

Do it! I work part time, have 3 kids and have just finished my first year of a part-time degree with the OU.

It's hard work, and sometimes after having a bad time putting the kids to bed the last thing you want to do it sit down and study but it's only October-June and now I'm on summer break I don't know what to do in the evenings!

I won't finish until I'm 38, something that fills me with dread, but I figure I'll have another 20+ years of working so it should be in something I want to do rather than the dead end pants job I'm in now!

Absolutely do it. I also have 3 children and the youngest was 6 months when I started and I am entering my final year at a brick uni part time whilst working. You will be busy but OU will give you more flexibility than I have and honestly when they are tiny it is (for me anyway) far easier than the 3 year old tearing about demanding my attention last academic year.

Good luck with your pregnancy and your decision.

Just remembered my DH wasn't terribly supportive at the beginning but now he is so proud.

Hmm. I think if you're going to do something like this both partners need to be on board as it does put extra strain on the family. What I'm wondering is why your DH is so against it? Does he pull his weight around the house or is he afraid that if you are busy he'll have to take on more around with your DS/at home and he isn't prepared to do that?

I think you need to have another talk to him and see what his real concerns are.

BTW - I used to be a teacher and would never go back to it. Have you had any experience in schools? As you say you don't necessarily need to do teaching when you've finished the degree, just be sure that it's what you want before you commit to anything.

I think you should go for it. Like you say you have 20 years left to work if not more!!! At least you won't have any regrets. Yes it will be hard work but all the best things are!

I agree with cailin but also, regrets and resentment will also kill a relationship and possibly your self esteem over the course of a life and makes me think if you've done your research and are sure, you should try and deal with dh's reservations and go for it. There's no good time to retrain with dc and I'm not a fan of pie in the sky ideas for mums with dc but this sounds sensible to me. Teaching is a hard job for the money though, I've got teacher friends and you have to be driven and a fan of hard work!

Thanks all. Yes, I've done a lot of research into teaching (mum and sister are teachers, as was an auntie - so I think I resisted it early on as not wanting to be seen as going into the family profession!).

DH is fantastic around the house, so is probably a bit concerned that he would have absolutely no time to himself as he would automatically pick up any slack, but actually getting chance to discuss it sensibly with him is proving difficult. I can see it's something he's really worried about and from what he's said so far he is genuinely worried about the pressure it would put on me (looking to go back 4 days a week) and that that in turn would impact on the family.

He's also been quite honest about not understanding why I feel I need to pursue a career I'm passionate about, not just one that pays the bills etc, as who really enjoys their job? (all feels a bit defeatist to me!)

Can you not do a teaching BA instead of OU degree + PGCE which would be a longer route. Some uni's offer undergrad degrees part time. Although if you went full time you would get a greater package of loans/grants/bursary etc.

Some people can just do a job for the money and some people need to feel it's fundamentally right. Nobody's right but you can't be the other type of person if you're not. I have similar issues with my dh, he's a work to live person whereas unfortunately I derive a lot of esteem from work. You've just got to keep talking and deal with the practical difficulties while trying to respect each other's opinions.

Hi Petallic, I've looked into a BEd/ BA with QTS, but unfortunately these are all full time (that I can see) and relocating isn't an option. Also, the subjects I'm looking at studying would allow me to use the degree for purposes other than teaching, so feels a bit 'safer' in terms of minimising risk. I would then hope to obtain a place on a SCITT/Teach First teaching qualification which allows to you 'learn' teaching whilst working.

Hi Cailin, I fully agree we both need to be on board with the idea, which I why I want to try understand if I'm being completely unreasonable about this before pushing it further with him (sorry I keep reading this line I've written and it sounds a bit arsey but I can assure you it's not meant to be). He's already said he's had sleepless nights about it which is why I've not pushed it too much recently, but I can't just go on as if nothing's wrong for me.

I took a degree with the OU and had two small children but was a SAHM . However I still had to study in the evenings and part of the weekends as the children were very young. I actually missed an exam because I was in hospital giving birth ! It is possible but you and DH have to be reading from the same hymn sheet. Anyway , because of the nature of the OU you can try it for a year just doing one module / course and see how it fits around family life. It might be a disaster, in which case you don't have to carry on . On the other hand you may cope really well and enjoy it . Give it a go or you will always regret it and might get very resentful towards your DH .

Thanks 4seasons - yes, I've tried to explain to him about about being able to bank the modules as you go along and take breaks (16 years to complete a course that should take me 6 if I do a 60 credit module per year) so can take a year off when (hopefully) DC2 arrives in a few years.

I think I need to man up a bit and have the conversation with him again, but I will try get all my thoughts and ideas together first, and try mitigate against the issues I already know are bothering him. I won't charge ahead and do this regardless, but I need to be perfectly clear with him how much this means to me.

Thanks all

I'm just about to start my 4th year with the OU, have 2 children and work, I'm studying 2 modules at a time (so effectively full time) I study when the DC are in bed and manage to balance it fine so the DC still get the attention they need, it just takes a bit of planning and discipline, there are nights where I'd much rather watch TV with a glass of wine and have to force myself to get on with studying but generally its ok.

Bramwell, that's fab, thanks! Having worked full time and studied part time previously, I know what I'm in for work wise but that was all before children, so to hear you and others managing it is so encouraging!

I've done this for the past 2 years. I was on mat leave for some of it but it is definitely doable with young children and work. It does take good time management and being able to get motivated when I'd rather chill out. I found that the suggested 16 hours a week study time was far more than I actually needed, it was closer to 10 hours so didn't take up as much time as I expected it to.