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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel like I haven't come to terms with changing my name even though its now the morning of my wedding and

38 replies

PandaFeet · 16/08/2014 05:51

I have known this is going to happen for 2 years?

I just can't get my head around it. I know I don't have to change it, but I am changing it (despite quietly disliking the tradition and all it stands for) so I have the same name as our child.

But I like my previous name, I love my signature because it flows so well, and looks all curly. New signature is clunky and doesn't work right.

Am I alone in feeling like this?

OP posts:
KeatsiePie · 16/08/2014 05:57

Oh, let me be the first to say, I hope you have a wonderful wedding day! Thanks

I don't think you're at all U to have trouble coming to terms with it. I didn't change mine. It was easy for me as we had/have no kids and most of our female friends also hadn't changed theirs; it would have been more unusual among our immediate circle for me to change mine.

I understand wanting to have the same name as your DC but perhaps if this still bothers you, that's actually not as important to you as keeping your own name? Re: my female friends who kept their names and now have kids: I don't think their children are confused by it.

I don't know British customs. Do you have to decide today?

commsgirl · 16/08/2014 06:40

You don't have to decide today.

Just enjoy your wedding and worry about the name change later.

I hope you have a wonderful day Thanks

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 16/08/2014 06:41

Have a wonderful day and work this out later!

Doingakatereddy · 16/08/2014 06:58

Have a beautiful wonderful day!

I felt like this as dud my best mate, we both kept maiden names at work and it took me two years, yep two years to change bank etc and sort my signature out.

Now, go and have a cuppa, deep breath & smile. It's going to be great x

HermioneWeasley · 16/08/2014 07:03

Have a great day!

As others have said, you don't have to decide today. And you could give your children your name, or your DH can take yours. Lots of options.

NoArmaniNoPunani · 16/08/2014 07:05

Have a great day. I'm at a wedding today too.

I didn't change my name when I married. I'm very happy with my decision. But you can worry about that later. For now, enjoy your day

ABlandAndDeadlyCourtesy · 16/08/2014 07:08

Have a fabulous day, and think about this later!

amyhamster · 16/08/2014 07:12

Good luck Thanks
wishing you a wonderful life together Panda
Cake Wine

Afritutu · 16/08/2014 07:13

Seriously, I wouldn't be worrying about this today. I much prefer my old name, but 7 years on really it is a non issue. You get used to it. Hope you have a fab day.

toomuchtooold · 16/08/2014 07:20

Like everyone's been saying: don't worry, you don't need to decide today!

I kept my name on marriage but when we had kids we registered them with DH's surname. It's never been a problem.

You could even change your name officially, but continue to be known by your "own" name, so you have no issues travelling alone with the kids etc. My boss did that, never caused her any bother.

Deftones · 16/08/2014 07:21

Have a wonderful day! Worry not about the name issue, just focus on your day and tell me what it's like cause I'm you in 3 weeks time Shock

pombearsforbrunch · 16/08/2014 07:23

Please don't stress about this today. The only time it may come up is in the speeches, and change it or not, you'll always have someone call Mrs Husbands Name, so if you don't change and it's 'wrong' during the speeches, who cares. How legible is your signature? I use my married name professionally (but not personally - a bit complicated) and didn't change my beautiful sig because, frankly, no one can read it! Enjoy today. Leave this worry for another time.

43percentburnt · 16/08/2014 07:36

Have a great day. Marriage is about two people committing to remain together for life, supporting one another. Why name changing is expected is beyond me. You can love someone even if you have different names. If name changing is so important to you oh he could always change his. I totally understand what you are saying, to me losing my surname wasn't an option. Your name is part of your identity, it has been with you for twenty or thirty years, you may be known professionally by your surname. My dh understood that and we double barrelled. His understanding of this made me appreciate him even more.

If you keep yours and he keeps his double barrel the children's. I wouldn't automatically give a child my husbands/boyfriends surname. It's 2014 not 1814.

Have a wonderful day and don't feel pressurised by the norm to change your name. Marriage is a blending of two lives - a merger. Not a takeover!

Smoolett · 16/08/2014 08:05

Have a lovely day. I changed mine I felt weird for a while, maybe a few months then got used to it. Its nice having the same name though as dd now. Enjoy.

uggmum · 16/08/2014 08:16

Hope you have a lovely day.

I changed my name but I didn't change my signature. You couldn't tell what my signature said as it was quite squiggly. So I kept the same signature. Could this be an option for you.

thatstoast · 16/08/2014 08:16

I'm reading the post as the op already has a child with her partner/husband and he has the father's surname? But either way I agree that you should think about it at a later date and enjoy your wedding day.

GoldenGoat · 16/08/2014 08:21

I've worked with 2 women who use a combination - Mrs X for family stuff and Ms Maiden Name for work. Perhaps that would allow you to retain your personal identity but still be Mrs X for school etc?

Hope you have a lovely wedding day

hiccupgirl · 16/08/2014 08:21

Agree with above, don't worry about it today. You only change your name on marriage if you go ahead and change your bank account, passport etc, otherwise you can carry on as before. As you know you don't have to change it, you just gain the legal right to use your DH's name if you want to.

I didn't change my name and we have since had a child who has DH's name. It's never yet been an issue that we don't all share the same name and I don't feel any less his mum or part of our family. It's just how it is. Sometimes I get Mrs DH by people who don't know but equally he gets. Mr Hiccup too!

CarcerDun · 16/08/2014 08:29

Also, even if you do change your name you do not have to change your signature. My signature is my previous name. A signature is a legal mark and does not have to be your name written down. Eg you can legally be named Mrs Smith but your signature can say Princess Tallulah if you want it to...

FryOneFatManic · 16/08/2014 08:33

My DCs have my DP's surname. I have never and will never change my name, it's mine so that's that.

Having a different name to the DCs has never been an issue.

FryOneFatManic · 16/08/2014 08:34

PS, meant to add, Have a lovely day Thanks

ChoccaDoobie · 16/08/2014 08:35

I double barrelled mine but don't always use it. Anyway, think about it later, have a wonderful day x

PiperRose · 16/08/2014 08:43

Hey, kick-back, get your face and frock on, have an awesome day and worry about that shit later.

beccajoh · 16/08/2014 08:47

Have a great day!

I've been married six years and I'm still not 100% about changing my name. I've changed it for some things (passport, mortgage) but not for others (bank accounts, driving licence). I've got two signatures and have to remember which names goes with which, but day to day it's not an issue at all.

londonrach · 16/08/2014 08:55

Have a lovely day. It go quick so just enjoy every single moment. X

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