To wonder if I should just start inviting myself along to places?

[HangingBasketCase]

I've struggled with social anxiety and confidence issues for many years, it's left me with a mediocre if almost non existent social life. I've taken steps to address this, I have taken up a new hobby and I've met people through that. They have occasional "socials" and things like that which I always go along to, something which would have been impossible a few years ago, but it's not enough. I can go weeks on end without properly socialising with people outside of my family.

I was brought up to believe that it was rude to invite yourself places, however one thing I've noticed through people watching is that others do this all the fine. They'll see a discussion on Facebook about a night out or a trip to the cinema, or overhead a conversation and just ask if they can go along, and the thing is no one ever says no to them!

Do I need to put myself out there a bit more and ask if I can go along to places? Obviously I'd not gatecrash a wedding or invite only event or anything like that, but is it acceptable to ask if you go along to other things like gigs, or to the pub or out for a coffee?

AIBU?

Yes, and no.

There's very specific rules to inviting yourself along based on you, how well you know the people, and how you go about asking. You don't want to become that clingy friend that everyone avoids.

So, yes invite yourself along. But don't be awkward about it either.

As someone who ALSO has social issues, I don't think so. I don't think it's always ok to join in uninvited...but sometimes it is!

This is why I frigging struggle too to be honest. I also am guilty of making vague arrangements, forgetting and then going back to remake only to find the person is annoyed even though the arrangement was not concrete!

i think if you'd like to do more, you should begin to organise things yourself. Why not say "I want to go and see X film...anyone want to come on thursday?" and send a text to various people...or put it on fB.

Thanks for the responses, I don't want to be seen as the needy clingy friend. I suppose it's about learning to judge situations and people and how they will react, some people are probably more open to others "tagging along" whilst other people won't like it at all.

I have joined a women's running group and while I find the waiting before the run starts excruciating because I just can't break into people's conversations, I've kept going. The group isn't meeting over the summer hols but there is a FB page and I've asked to join much smaller sessions supposedly to keep me training but actually I could happily go alone. I'm hoping that it will result in easier conversation when the whole group starts meeting again.

Depends on the context really. I wouldn't invite myself on someone's evening out but I have asked a close friend if it's ok if I tag along to their cake eating soft play get togethers, and that's fine with them.

This is a tough one. As others have said, there are subtle clues as to whether an invitation is a loose open one that anyone can tag along to or a more closed, specific invitation for particular people.
Generally I would say never invite yourself to someone's house as that's much more likely to annoy people.
Group things are complicated, I would say stick very much to one on one outings rather than trying to get in with a group. Any nice friendly person will be happy to be invited out by you for a coffee. Start with that and there's every chance that person will then invite you to group things.

No, I don't see much evidence of this. I think that if people want you to come, they ask you-or if they realise they should have done, they apologise and fall over themselves to persuade you up come. I think it's generally pretty poor social behaviour.

I think it's very rude behaviour to invite yourself along. If you know people well enough then it's fine, but when you're not close then not fine.
Instead of inviting yourself along, why don't you set up something and invite people? I think that's a better way to get noticed.

Why not try and create your own social event and ask them to join you. Anyone fancy seeing x at the cinema? I know this might be a big step for you but its the way to go.

I agree with nostress. I find a lot of people forget fb is so public and just aim to talk amongst themselves, not realising others may feel left out or invite themselves.

Why not text people ask for a drink out or dinner? Actually choose friends to go out with? Or put out general fb status as feelers? For example, I wanted to see Transformers 4 but no one else I automatically thought of didn't. My status was 'Anyone fancy seeing the New Transformers film at X, we can do a late showing or an early one and have food after'.

I agree you need to create an 'event', and invite them. You cant force yourself upon others.

I have social anxiety and spent this week working myself up to asking an old friend if they'd like to do something with me - even though I knew they'd love to, thinking about asking was really nerve-wracking.

In the end, I just sent a message and she replied almost instantly agreeing. Its SO hard, but you have to put yourself out there.

Oh no, I'd never invite myself to someone's else's home without an invitation first. Likewise things like parties and sit down meals in restaurants.

But when you hear about people I.e work colleagues going to the pub after work, surely that's OK to ask if you can go? A pub/bar is a public place after all.

I think that in that situation OP, you are better asking about it generally as in 'Are you guys up to anything nice after work?' If they say 'yes going for a drink, want to come then that's great. If they say 'no nothing special' then they meant it to be exclusive. You don't want to say 'I hear you are going for a drink can I come." Because honest as it is and personally I'd be happy to say yes or no to you in that situation, a lot of people would feel put on the spot and uncomfortable if they didn't want you along.

It's all about what you say and how it's said.

Plenty of scenarios where inviting yourself along is fine. I was on Facebook the other day having a general conversation and someone from my school-mum friends group said "I'd be up for the wine thing!" about wine on my deck every Wednesday and I said the more the merrier and gave her my address, which is true. I wouldn't necessarily issue formal invites but I'm more than happy to expand the group!

Countless other examples but in particular tagging along on days out with kids is never a crime to invite along if its being discussed openly, I'd say (i.e Oh I was thinking of heading for the zoo at some point, fancy one more or does it complicate things"? etc)

OP why dont you do the inviting? Say you are going to te conema/theatre/dinner and ask your friends al

Me and my mates always invite orselvestowhat ever is happening when appropriate to do so. For example a friend may say in going to the pictures,ice skating whatever on Friday with friend b it would be ok yo say. 'Hey that's sounds fun cani tag?'
However if friend says I'm going to ( someone I don't know ) engagement party on sat, it wouldn't be ok.

O often put up on FB ' I'm going ( whatever) on Sat setting off at 7.00pm it'll cost ( however much) of you want to come let me know!

along