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AIBU?

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Original poster

to expect Ds1 not to wake ds2 up?

29 replies

cheminotte · 15/08/2014 21:45

At 5am?

Ds1 (7) has been waking up at about 5am most mornings for weeks now. He doesn't disturb us and stays in his room. But he does manage to wake his brother up (age 4) either by accident (turning bedside light on, opening curtains) or deliberately.(whispering loudly - are you awake yet..).

Have tried a later bedtime, telling him no lights / curtains, gro-clock. And explaining how unfair as ds2 behaves much worse when tired, gets upset more easily etc. But he he does not seem able to comprehend / change his behaviour.

Am I just expecting too much for this age?

OP posts:
DaisyFlowerChain · 15/08/2014 21:49

I think it's to be expected given they share a room.

Could he not get up and go downstairs with either of you leaving the younger one to sleep?

Sirzy · 15/08/2014 21:50

I don't see how you can expect him to stay in his room and not disturb someone sleeping in that room

whois · 15/08/2014 21:55

Of he's awake at 5am he is going disturb his brother if they share a room. Maybe you could show him how to go downstairs and turn the TV on or something?

Trollsworth · 15/08/2014 21:56

Just tell him to go downstairs and watch tv.

Original poster
cheminotte · 15/08/2014 21:57

Well neither of us want to get up at 5am either!
He's fine about staying in his room and reading a book quietly, I don't even hear him. But DP hears him moving around and you can tell from DS2's behaviour that he's shattered.
If I said just go downstairs on your own when you wake up, I'd worry he'd ghost even if it was 3 am. We've told him its fine to come and wake me up if he has a nightmare and I take.him back to bed (after toilet) and try and resettle.

OP posts:
Original poster
cheminotte · 15/08/2014 22:00

Our tv is upstairs not down, and no cbeebs at that time either.
Currently putting Ds2 to bed at 6pm which he is happy with, but not sure how feasible that will be when school starts in September.

OP posts:
MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 15/08/2014 22:24

If they share a room they either wake each other or 7 yo wakes his brother, its unavoidable. I have early risers too and sympathise, but if you want him to stay in his room he will wake his brother - set up some arrangement which allows him to be awake in a different room (leave his room quietly and read in the living room for examle). I often have to take my 3 yo downstairs at 5.30am to stop him waking my light sleeping 7 and 9 yos.

WooWooOwl · 15/08/2014 22:33

I'm not sure I understand. Is the problem that your ds2 wakes up even if ds1 is just lying in bed with a torch?

Ds1 needs to be able to have a bit of light if he's naturally awake early, but he shouldn't be opening curtains or talking to ds2.

Could you offer a reward for staying in bed quietly until the clock says a certain time? That wouldn't be too much to expect.

ThisFenceIsComfy · 15/08/2014 22:38

Get a a groclock and leave a pile of books, a small light etc near his bed. Tell him to read quietly or try to go back to sleep until the clock goes green.

At 7yo, he should be able to not deliberately wake up his brother.

Jollyphonics · 15/08/2014 22:44

YAsort ofBU My DS1 is 8, wakes earlier than anyone else, and will either creep quietly downstairs to watch TV or will read in his room, aware that he mustn't wake the rest of the house. I'm fairly sure he's been this considerate for a couple of years, so certainly when he was 7.

However, even with a lot of effort, I don't think he could fail to disturb someone if they were sleeping in the same room as him.

But yes, at 7 I think it's reasonable to expect your son to not switch the light on or open the curtains.

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 15/08/2014 23:15

At 7 you can expect a child to stay quietly in his room, but you can't reasonably expect anyone, regardless of age, to lie motionless until some set time on the clock, without light to read or play by, for fear of waking a room mate. If you couldn't sleep, what would you do? He has to be given the option of leaving tbe room quietly if he is wide awake at 5 and you don't want him to wake his (presumably fairly light sleeper) room sharing sibling NOR either of his parents. You can't seriously ask him to lie in the dark without even a light to read by for 2 hours.

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 15/08/2014 23:19

Are you in a 2 bed house/ flat, or is there potential to re-jig sleeping arrangements? (Maybe not, but I know several families who have siblings room sharing just to allow a guest or play room or study to exist, or in one case so parents sleep separately...)

ThisFenceIsComfy · 15/08/2014 23:22

5.30am is really early though. What time does he go to bed?

WeAllHaveWings · 15/08/2014 23:58

Ds(10) went through a stage of this, we just got him to come into our bed and read quietly on kindle while we snoozed until 6:30ish or he'd quietly cuddle in with us and fall back to sleep for an hour or so, he only did it for about 6 months.

queenofthemountain · 15/08/2014 23:59

don't you have a laptop he could watch a dvd on?i

Original poster
cheminotte · 16/08/2014 08:55

Thanks for the responses

we live in a 3 bed house, but the 3rd bedroom is used for visiting family (all too far for daytrips) and for DP to work from home 2 days per week. Visiting family help out with holiday childcare a few times a year and DP does school run on his days at home, so losing that room would have massive consequences.

OP posts:
HermioneWeasley · 16/08/2014 08:58

Agree, it's not realistic for him not to wake his brother if he's staying in the room. He needs somewhere else to go in the morning. I would have thought at 7 he could go and put the TV on.

Original poster
cheminotte · 16/08/2014 08:58

ThisFence He was going to bed at 7 /7.30 and reading for a bit. We've now pushed this back to 8pm but he's not sure sleeping any longer in the morning and is getting overtired.

OP posts:
Mumof3xox · 16/08/2014 09:00

My older two share a room (5&6)

They know they are not allowed to wake each other, dc2 gets very cross if woken!

They are both pretty good at leaving the light off, looking at a book or colouring or they just come downstairs as I am usually up with the baby

Original poster
cheminotte · 16/08/2014 09:01

We've got a gro clock set to 6.20am. He still makes enough noise to wake his brother up just no light on!
I think telling him to take books to spare room may be the only solution.

OP posts:
MrsPresley · 16/08/2014 09:01

Could you not use the spare room for DS1 just till the schools go back?

PiperRose · 16/08/2014 09:03

I'm sorry but you have your answer right there. It sounds like the entire family would benefit from your children having their own rooms, and hey presto, you have a third bedroom.

Original poster
cheminotte · 16/08/2014 09:12

I said school run but in the holidays it is holiday club run. If DP can no longer work from home I have to do all drop offs and most pick ups. He works 50 miles away and would be unable to park if he didn't get in until 9 am (breakfast club from 8 am) as there are nowhere near enough spaces. He can leave early to pick up once or twice a week but not 4 x to balance out me doing all drop offs and not getting to work until 9.30.

OP posts:
annieoaklie · 16/08/2014 09:13

Put a bean bag and some blankets in the spare room. Let him snuggle in there for a few hours, but if ds2 goes to bed at 6 hes going to wake early regardless

heraldgerald · 16/08/2014 09:22

you have a room you aren't using.