to take DH's bank card and ration his money?

[DontGiveAwayTheHomeworld]

I wouldn't really do it, but it's bloody tempting some days. We're supposed to be watching the pennies at the moment because things are tight. I'm doing all the things we agreed on - no eating out, always take food with us, no unnecessary cabs/buses. He is still buying lunch at work every day, despite the fact I buy things specifically for him to make his lunch with. And I just got a phone call telling me he's getting a cab rather than walk the extra 10 minutes caused by a bus diversion. It's the same walk I do whenever I go anywhere, and I do it with 4yo DS in tow!

AIBU to have the right arse about his attitude? (And pinch his bank card, because then he'd have no choice!)

He's not a child so why would you treat him like one?

If it's a joint account and he's wasting your salary then the lunch thing would be annoying but if it's his then surely he gets a say in what he spends it on given he earned it.

How about making his lunch for him, kindness instead of criticism.

Is he generally crap with money? Dh gets a certain amount every couple of days to spend because by his own admission he cannot control his spending and it is the best thing to do for him otherwise his lunch money would be spent on a dvd or collectors magazines or something.

MY dd's dp tried to do this to her and she really was overspending. The general mnet consensus was financial abuse and she should ltb. Fortunately they got past it but no way was she goi g to have to ask for the money she earnt. She did however, curb her spending.

I understand how you feel. Why don't you suggest to him that he leaves his bank card at home and just takes a set amount of cash instead? My DH decided to do this after looking at his bank statement and realising that he spent £90 one month in the co-op next to his work on food for lunch. I was annoyed because I'd been making him lunches and he'd been throwing them away and buying food.

Why should she make him lunch - he's a grown man not a child.

If you're trying to watch the pennies, agree between the two of you at the beginning of the month how much 'fritter' money you have each. Then put the rest into a separate (inaccessible) account.

That way you both have money to spend on things that you don't have to justify on each other, and money gets saved. He's a grown up, he'll presumably be able to budget his play money - and a cab seems a lot less appealing if you want to go for a couple of drinks after work on a Friday and need cash for that ;)

If things are really that tight then yes he's being an arse. Have you actually sat down and talked about this - who decided that you needed to save money? Getting a cab to save a 10 min walk sounds ridiculous though assuming no health problems or reason to get home sooner etc.

You know you'd BU to actually take his bank card but of course you're not to be a bit pissed off. Are you a SAHM? Is there any chance of you going back to work once 4yo DS starts school to ease the financial situation?

I think LBOCS's idea is a good one. I would try to discuss this with him and agree an amount if at all possible. DH and I have done a similar thing (with money going both ways, both of us have been SAHP at various points) and it's worked well but you have to both be on board otherwise resentment builds.

Me and DH have trouble saving. We're both impulse shoppers and get sticky fingers at the stores.

We just sit down, talk about what bills are due, what we have to spend, and then talk about what should be spent on what. Even silly amazon purchases are run by each other so we're always on the same page.

My aunt had an allowance from my uncle of a certain amount he would give her to spend every week. I never understood it. They're divorced now.

So, talk to him, but you don't want to get in a power struggle with your partner. You're both equals. One doesn't get a say over the other.

Maybe find a compromise. DH always made my lunches for work, which saved us money, and they were delicious. If it were just left up to me I'd never get around to making them and then buy lunch at work. If you don't want to make his lunches, maybe set aside a time at night where he makes his lunch while you go over the finances and remind him of his goals or just general chit chat in the kitchen.

The annoying thing is, every time we talk about it, he does really well for a couple of days, then it slips again. It just feels like I'm the only person making changes so we can make ends meet.

I tried making his lunch for him, but he complained because I was doing it the night before and sticking it in the fridge. Apparently it makes the sandwiches soggy. So now I don't bother.

I'm SAHM, so it's all joint money. That's why it bothers me!

It's only fair if you both have the same amount IMO. Because you're probably resenting his attitude, thinking of the things you've given up whereas he's not suffering at all. And he's probably irritated that you're 'monitoring' him. Whereas this way you don't have to justify anything to each other :)

I am going back to work when DS starts school in September, but we'll still have to watch what we spend because childcare, travel etc means things will still be tight.

I understand OP. My H is a bigger spender too, he is trying a bit harder these days to control himself however he is a very generous person with EVERYBODY and unfortunately this include himself too.
On the other hand, he never controls any money that I want to spend or complain about anything I buy, he even tells me I should spend more, treat myself more and buy always the best! Madness really because we always have to watch pennies. If I wasn't the one trying to control everything, I don;t know where we would be right now.
My plan is to let him go overdraft and have some money problems now towards the end of the year. Than probably after Christmas he will have a pay rise and bonus, so I will try and organise finances again and give him the bank card for a separate bank acc he has so I can put his spending money there every month and leave the main acc where the bills are paid from and where his salary goes to alone.
I work too, so another trick I do is save most of my money and let him pay the bills. I know this is not popular here, but it means that I always have money when we need to buy something big/ go on holidays etc...

Lucy just because it's a nice thing to do , not because he isn't capable.

Just read your update that you tried making lunch op. Agree with both having the same fixed amount of " spending money" but only if your dh agrees. Frustrating as it must be he isn't a child and can waste money if he wants to. It is selfish though if it means the family budget is suffering as a result.

My DM did all the hiusehold acounts, in a proper book in fountin pen. Ddad then got given what he refered to as "his pocket money".

He was quite happy to admit that he spent what ever was in his wallet.

Still does if he's allowed any where near the bargin bins in Aldi.

System seems to work. They'll have been married 50years next month.

It depends if his spending on himself means there is no money to pay bills or no spare money when the DC need new shoes. Unfortunately, when the man is the wage earner and the woman SAHM, there is sometimes this attitude that the money belongs to the man and the woman should just be grateful for what she is given - so she can struggle to pay the household bills, be unable to get her shoes mended or buy the DCs new clothes when they outgrow their existing ones, while he is buying rounds in the pub every night and coming home with new computer games for himself all the time.

THis may not be the case here, but it certainly sounds as though they should agree a set sum every week/month for each of them as 'spending money' and when it's gone, it's gone.