Does anyone else have DC that go to others for attention/comfort instead of you?

[LuluCarlsberg]

I know it's an odd question. I have a DD and a DS. My son would only ever come to me if he wanted someone to play a game with him or comfort him if he fell, or if he wanted to sit on someone's lap.

My DD seems to go to any other adult but me! It could be one of my friends, one of her friends mum's, my mother in law or one of my cousins, even her teachers! She often says things like (to her teacher) I wish you were my mum!! Or to her auntie, I wish I lived with you!

She is 5 years old. It makes me feel embarrassed and awful when this happens. I'm not the most fun mum in the world, can be quite strict. But I am her mum! Is this a reflection on how I mother her, is it just her personality? It's really beginning to upset me. DD is a very happy little thing otherwise.

DS went through a phase where he always went to his DDad first - for games, comfort, cuddles.

Now he is the same age as your DD and he will sometimes say 'I wish someone else was my mum'. (He actually hasn't identified a substitute yet but I'm sure that will come!). It's usually in reaction to my being strict so I just explain that every mum would do the same. (He now says 'I wish I had a bad mum who wouldn't care what I did because then she wouldn't give me into trouble!' )

Your DD might be saying it because she knows it has an effect on you or because she's actually feeling insecure and wanting you to constantly reassure her that you'll always be her mum. Or she doesn't see them being her mum as meaning you're not her mum iyswim - she just wants a collection of mums around her. If she's happy then I'd try not to take it personally.

Thank you BookabooSue. Your reply makes a lot of sense!

Well I don't know really...do you cuddle her much generally? My Mum wasn't very hands on in that way...I can actually remember the times she kissed me as they were so rare...I loved her to distraction but didn't go to her when I got hurt as I remember.

When I was that age I told my parents I wished I was an orphan because then I could do what I wanted (because you know, no parents!). Really, I was just expressing that I didn't want any rules and wanted to do whatever I wanted. Not that I wanted them dead.