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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that the best weddings take place at local register office or church and are

76 replies

CateBlanket · 14/08/2014 11:28

are followed by a meal or buffet for close family, close friends and their offspring. Then guests are released to enjoy their evening wherever they choose and newly wed couple start their honeymoon.

Simple, relatively hassle free for couple and guests

OP posts:

Vintagejazz · 14/08/2014 16:46

I'm just thinking of brides I know who got themselves so stressed and worked up about their wedding, and whether the flowers on the tables exactly matched the bridesmaids' dresses, and whether they should hire the rolls or the limo, and should they have a sweet stall or an ice cream van or a photo booth etc etc etc that they ended up obsessed with all of that stuff and seemed to forget that this was about making a lifelong commitment to someone they loved. I also know of couples who postpone getting married for ages until they can afford all of the above.

I was talking generally, but yes obviously there are couples who can organise a big bash while remaining relaxed and looking forward to the occasion and it's significance. But if you're not like that I think it's a shame to get caught up in a big stress fest instead of enjoying what should be a happy and momentous day in your life.

iklboo · 14/08/2014 16:54

We got married 10 years ago - ceremony, wedding breakfast & evening do were all in the one place and didn't cost a massive amount. Family & friends still say it's the best one they've been to (mind you, they might say that to everyone).

BlueBrightBlue · 14/08/2014 17:03

The ones where the ceremony and party venue are relatively close by. I once had to drive 30 miles for the " do" and it was a tiny marquee next to another 2 tiny marquees next to a grand old house. The buffet was crap and the drinks extortionate.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 14/08/2014 17:16

Just out of interest; how old are those of you who speak of "boogying"?

Well I'm 36 and love dancing at a wedding. Hate a really cheesy DJ though.

Original poster

CateBlanket · 14/08/2014 18:27

No, I'm interested in the ages of those who say "boogying", not the ages of people who enjoy dancing. Was just curious.

When I say local, I mean local to bride or groom; I don't mind a long journey to one or the other's local church/register office. I just don't want a long journey to a stately home in a place that isn't connected to either party just because Jemima wants to be a princess for a day.

OP posts:

sweetnessandlite · 14/08/2014 18:39

The worst weddings are the big, fancy ones - they are all a bit 'samey' (as somebody else mentioned).
The best weddings are those that are either a bit quirky or have more of an informal feel about them. They can still be traditional, but are more enjoyable when there is less of the stuffy boring, long speeches and photo shoots and stifled receptions.

Nobody remembers the over-formal, expensive, showey-offey ones.
Even though a lot of weddings I have been to have been at different venues - they were so 'the same' that they might as well have been at the same place - as they were all the same.

Purely a case of Same Shit Different Packaging.

PuppyMonkey · 14/08/2014 18:52

Nope, sounds dull op. Have you maybe just got very boring friends and family ?

(Love a good wedding ).

Sidge · 14/08/2014 18:56

I've never been to a bad wedding. Dressing up in lovely clothes you don't often wear, catching up with people, food, drink, a good old boogie round the dancefloor and then to bed a bit tired, a bit pissed and feeling all soppy because you've spent a day celebrating love and togetherness. What's bad about that?

If I ever get married again I want a ceremony in a hotel somewhere where everyone can stay over if they want to. A bloody great party afterwards with loads of food, wine, music and fun, that goes on until the wee hours. I'll invite every man and his dog to share my special day because it's rare that I can get together with people as much as I'd like.

I wouldn't be worried about napkins matching the bridesmaids' knickers or whatever but I'd want it to be lovely, special, and just as I want it.

wobblyweebles · 14/08/2014 19:56

Only if it's Martha's Vineyard. And one of you is American. And people haven't had to travel miles.

It was. Husband is. They did mostly travel miles, but I got them all really cheap flights and paid most of their accommodation costs...

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 14/08/2014 20:05

Wouldn't be my cup of tea, but I agree about keeping it relatively small and definitely no dancing, we both hate dancing. Ours went on till about 2am with music, drinking, chatting, playing pool, darts and giant jenga.

We had the "where's local" issue too, I had lived away from home for 15 years by the time we got married, so had DH who was from another part of the country, we didn't have any real ties to the place we were living at the time and were planning to move away. Oh and we weren't religious.

ForalltheSaints · 14/08/2014 20:06

A wedding such as you describe (or similar) is something I have known some couples have. Common feature of all these couples is that they are all still together, one after over 20 years.

LokiBear · 14/08/2014 20:23

I've never been to a wedding I didn't enjoy. From registry office and buffet at a working mens club to a wedding held in a huge stately home with four course meal, hog roast and magician, As long as the bride and groom are happy, I'll be there, wine in hand and dancing like a looney!

BackforGood · 14/08/2014 20:30

I too, enjoy all weddings I'm invited to. I've been to the odd one where I've thought they've chosen differently from what I would, but I've had my turn, and this is their turn. I'm always happy to see 2 people in love, making a life-long commitment to each other in front of their family and friends.

BikeRunSki · 14/08/2014 20:33

I'm holding out for even the most casual acquaintance to announce they are marrying in a huge old place in the wilds of Scotland, with rooms for guests to stay in, and suits of amour in the corridors.

DH's best mate had a wedding like this. It was fab.

dolphinsandwhales · 14/08/2014 20:51

Yanbu. I agree totally op, no fuss, no hassle, no crazy abroad etc.

flyingtrue · 14/08/2014 22:22

YABU on the church part imo but that's because out of the church weddings I've been too (3) only 1 was beautiful and felt lovely. The other ones the churchs was cold, felt oppressive and uncomfortable. Really didn't enjoy the experience and in the case of one of the two neither did the bride and groom of one of them who felt the Priest 'did his own thing.'

The best weddings imo are ones of people you love.

LiberalPedant · 14/08/2014 22:38

Martha's Vineyard is not on Cape Cod.

gamescompendium · 14/08/2014 22:39

Our wedding lasted days. I'm from the far north of Scotland, tis tradition. So YADBU because after spending a small fortune on a party to celebrate our wedding we wanted to spend a reasonable amount of time with our guests (some of whom had travelled from America to be with us), not just an afternoon. Groomsman said he felt like he'd been well looked after, there were 3 days of partying.

Original poster

CateBlanket · 14/08/2014 22:55

It's close enough to the Cape for me, Liberal

OP posts:

LiberalPedant · 14/08/2014 23:13

I love Martha's Vineyard, and the Cape. Our niece was married on the Cape, or the Cod, as DH calls it.

Vintagejazz · 14/08/2014 23:47

It's a bit sad that people would be 'bored' if friends or family invited them to a small wedding ceremony followed by a lunch or dinner for close family and friends.
Even if you like big party type weddings, surely the above type could also be enjoyable in a different way? Why is it automatically boring just because there's no disco and dancing til dawn?

LaQueenLovesSummer · 15/08/2014 10:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Shesparkles · 15/08/2014 10:52

I have to disagree with you all! The best kind of wedding is a Scottish one! Doesn't matter where or what from the ceremony takes place, but normally in the early afternoon, then a sit down meal, followed by a fantastic ceilidh.There's usually a buffet in the evening for those who have just come in the evening, and for day guests to replenish their energy levels from dancing. Doesn't matter if you know the dances, there are always willing partners who will show you what do do, half the fun is people thinking they know the dances, then the band having to stop and explain it all step by step
The mark of how much you've enjoyed yourself is how much bruising you have on your arm from Strip the Willow
Can't beat it!

Notso · 15/08/2014 11:08

The best wedding I have been to was a massive marquee one. All the formal photos were done at the church, there was no waiting around, music was great, food was great. It was formal but relaxed at the same time.

Worst was a very expensive hotel one. Even before the day we were asked to wear a certain colour, bring a candle, buy an engagement photograph, buy a corsage, stay at the hotel at £200 a night.
Bride was an hour late, and got arsey when no-one realised she was walking down the aisle. There was endless nauseating vows, readings and poems.
The formal photographs lasted for hours and we were asked to give piggybacks, lift up the bride, stand over here, sit over there etc.
There was loads of 'entertainment' you couldn't sit down to chat without a magician popping up, someone drawing a caricature of you or the photographer taking a picture of your shoe.
Some of the guests were minor celebrities and the speeches basically revolved around them rather than the bride and groom.
In the evening the first dance was choreographed including the bride ripping her skirt off and dancing in thong and corset and then the couple sang a song, it was cringy to say the least.

ThinkingOfAUsernameIsTough · 15/08/2014 11:35

I think the sort of wedding you describe OP is fine if no one is travelling or going to any expense to attend and your guests know that it is going to be that type of wedding.

DP and I once travelled to a wedding a good 4 1/2 hours away, booked a hotel and gave the brides elderly relative a lift etc. We were the last table to go up for the buffet and all that were left were 4 sad looking chicken nuggets and some crisps, that is all we had to eat all day. It was a small wedding so it's not like we could have made a quick dash to the nearest Maccy Ds! Although to put it simply the groom wasn't all that fussed about getting married so I think that might have had an influence on the way we felt about the wedding.

We are getting married next year and because we have guests travelling we are putting on a party and a 3 course meal. If we couldn't afford to do this we would have eloped or had a buffet that was big enough to feed everyone and then some!

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