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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to be wanting a 3rd child at 37?

25 replies

MrsHelenBee · 14/08/2014 10:06

I was resigned to spinsterhood at 30 after years of being single and suffering severe bouts of depression so, meeting my now husband 6 years ago was the most overwhelming and unexpected turn of events.
I had 3 miscarriages before we were married, so children seemed to be something we weren't destined to have, but then I went full term after falling pregnant on our honeymon. It was a really diffcult pregnancy and traumatic birth, so DH had a really challenging time seeing me struggle with PTSD and depression. We said we'd never have more but felt differently 2yrs later, and our 2nd DS arrived 3 months ago. Despite having another complicated pregnancy-more so than last time!-the birth was amazing and I feel great (exhaustion aside!!!)
So, being 37, with a husband of 42 and two DS's we never thoght we'd have, AIBU to wish we could have just one more in a couple of years? I certainly won't push if DH really doesn't want it, and I know we're incredibly lucky to have the two beautiful boys we have, but agret birth experience was so empowering, and I'd love to experience it one more time. Maybe I'm too old and selfish? And greedy?!!!

OP posts:
timeforanappychange · 14/08/2014 10:09

I had my first at 37. Just sayin'.

deakymom · 14/08/2014 10:09

if you can afford it go for it ive known older parents xx (hell im 39 with an 18 month old who is my third and final)

londonrach · 14/08/2014 10:11

Too old. I'm 39 and hoping to have a child still.

Annarose2014 · 14/08/2014 10:11

Well its a bit previous when baby is only 3 months old! Grin

If you're asking if you'll be too old, then of course not. Mind you, am biased as am having my first at 39 with no particular difficulty (& DH is 43).

So you're not too old. And its not selfish/greedy to want a third unless you really won't have the money or time for three.

But the next two years will be knackering, so put it on the back burner for now. You may be heartily sick of nappies by then!

mumaa · 14/08/2014 10:11

I don't think you're old, selfish or greedy!

If you both want another DC then go for it, I don't see anything wrong in having a child that's wanted, despite your experiences, you will be the one to go through it again so if you are happy & your DH is on board where would the harm be?

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 14/08/2014 10:12

I gave birth last week at 36 to dc2.

Surfsup1 · 14/08/2014 10:14

Where I live the average age of a mum having her first baby is 38.

jacks365 · 14/08/2014 10:15

My 2 year old is cuddled up to me on the sofa watching a film and I'm 45 so no you are not too old.

londonrach · 14/08/2014 10:16

My too old comment needed ! After. You probably guessed that by me saying I would like a child and I'm 39. No way are you too old etc if it's tight for you go for it...

sunbathe · 14/08/2014 10:25

I had my third at 38, not too old in my book.

mejon · 14/08/2014 10:29

y

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 14/08/2014 10:30

I've just had DC2 at 40 - and most people (including the midwives) have asked me if I am having any more. I haven't decided yet. 37 is young round my way!

mummybare · 14/08/2014 10:31

YANBU to want another child at 37 but TWBU to have one just to experience birth again. It's great that you had such a wonderful experience with DS2, but don't forget about the realities of bringing another person into your family! Ov course, if it's a considered decision that DH is on board with then go for it!

mejon · 14/08/2014 10:31

Oops. Not too old imo. I had DC1 at 38 ans DC2 at nearly 43. 2nd one was far easier in terms of tiredness etc.

mummybare · 14/08/2014 10:34

(Sorry for typos)

Original poster
MrsHelenBee · 14/08/2014 10:34

Thanks everyone, some lovely, understanding comments.
I'm way too tired with the new one and our 3yr old to want it again just now (plus, alarmingly, I haven't stopped bleeding yet, which is proving to be the best form of contraception ever!) but I guess I thought I should at least try and work out whether I want to be back here again or not in a couple of years' time, as I'll be 39 by then.
Maybe it woldn't be playing on my mind so much if I was 10 years younger as I wouldn't feel like I'm running out of time whether I want it or not.
We're strappd for cash right now but that won't always be the case as I'll be returning to work once the new one's a bit older.
I just feel like I' not ready to say goodbay to that part of my life just yet, and while I was pg and struggling (and saying I'd never do it again!), DH was adamant he'd have a vasectomy. That really troubles and upsets me. I'm not ready for it to be a total impossibility just yet, but maybe his suggestion 6m ago means he really doesn't want any more.

OP posts:
Summerblaze · 14/08/2014 10:39

I am 36 and would love a 4th. DH not keen at the moment but i'm working on it.

Hakluyt · 14/08/2014 10:41

Well I was 37 when I had my first........

NK346f2849X127d8bca260 · 14/08/2014 10:42

My youngest 2 were born when I was 38 and 40, dh is 3 years older.
If you can afford another one and that is what you both want, go for it!

MissMillament · 14/08/2014 10:43

I had my third at 38. Would have gone for a fourth at 40 but DH put his foot down. Really the experience was no more difficult than having the first two (at 33 and 35 respectively). Obviously, if previous pregnancies have been complicated that is something that need taking into account, but I too had a traumatic birth with DD1 and then two uncomplicated deliveries.
And having three is lovely!

minipie · 14/08/2014 10:44

Of course 37 or 39 isn't too old provided your body plays ball.

But

  1. I'm not sure you've got the right reasons for wanting another. It does seem to be more about wanting another pregnancy and birth experience rather than wanting another child. See how you feel in a year or so.

  2. remember the risk of twins goes up a lot as you get older! Just saying! Grin

Thebodyloveschocolateandwine · 14/08/2014 10:50

I had my first 2 in my twenties and last 2 in my 30s.

The last two were physically harder but mentally and emotionally a breeze.

Of course you arnt too old.

Original poster
MrsHelenBee · 14/08/2014 10:58

minipie Need to thank you as you commented on my other thread regarding TT yesterday, but just wanted to say (and to mummybare too), that it isn't just because of the pregnancy and birth bit, I want to do it all again, I'd love three children if it's meant to be for me. It would complete our little family, and before we wee married we oth said we'd love 3 if we could (although I suspect won't have any hairs left which aren't grey by that time!) I just have a tenency to type too much so I left out the other bits I wanted to say. I'm not irresponsble (at least I don't think I am!) - I know a baby's for life, not just for pregnancy and birth! Grin

OP posts:
GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 14/08/2014 11:04

I wouldn't given that you've had problematic pregnancies previously. I'd focus on enjoying the children you have. It will be hard to give them all they need whilst being pregnant and ill. It's not that I think you're too old per se but more that your pregnancies have not been good.

minipie · 14/08/2014 11:26

Ah ok then Smile just sounded that way from your previous posts. If you and DH both still want 3 and finances/energy levels (!) permit then I can't see any reason why not.

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