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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

about childcare - I'm sure I'm not, but maybe I've missed something...

13 replies

Thurlow · 14/08/2014 09:47

2.5yo has been going to the same CM for nearly 2 years now. We love the CM, love her family, DD loves her and is very happy there. But the CM is the other side of town. We chose her when DD was a baby as it was convenient for work, but then the CM moved a little further away, so now it's not really convenient at all. The big issue is that the CM won't be able to do pick-ups etc for any of the pre-schools and schools DD is likely to go to - it's a biggish town with a baby boom, I've looked into it and there's no way we'll get DD into the school the CM collects from.

I've recently had contact out of the blue from a CM two streets away from us who can do pick-ups at our local pre-schools and schools. Loathe as I am to move DD from a CM she loves, the bigger picture for schools, for me maybe being on another maternity leave and all that, is that a local CM is better for us.

DP is unexpectedly digging his heels in and doesn't want to move DD. Thinks it will be too upsetting (yes, I'm sure it will be upsetting, but she's quite a sociable girl and I'm sure she'll settle in quickly - plus won't it be equally upsetting if she has to move CM at 4 as well as starting school?)

We normally agree on things like this. Am I missing something? Is he right?

OP posts:

Nicknacky · 14/08/2014 09:49

I did the same thing, moved my dd around the same age. I was looking ahead to schools and it made more sense to do it then for the reasons you have said. She coped fine and was def the right thing to do.

flowery · 14/08/2014 09:52

"won't it be equally upsetting if she has to move CM at 4 as well as starting school?"

Yes. Starting school will be unsettling, and how much easier it will be if pick ups/drop offs are with someone she knows and trusts?

I'd make sure you get references for the new CM though- the fact that she's having to tout for business by contacting people cold isn't great. Most good CMs get business through recommendation. The nearest one to us has a long waiting list.

GailLondon · 14/08/2014 09:52

I'm with you on this one. If she will have to move CM at some point anyway, and the opportunity has come up now for a much more convenient CM, then why not go for it?
It is hard to move her from somewhere where she has been really happy, but as long as you are happy with the new CM, it seems like the right thing to do. DP might just take a bit longer to come round to the idea.

Original poster

Thurlow · 14/08/2014 09:56

I was on the CM's waiting list, didn't mention that bit. But yes, at the moment it is still a moot point as we haven't met her. The principle stays the same though - I'm not sure why DP can't see that it will be better to move her now and have her settle in before starting pre-school in the new year.

Good to hear so far that other's have done the same though.

OP posts:

deakymom · 14/08/2014 10:05

move now and settle her unless your dp is planning on doing the pickups and drop offs as the current childminder cannot accommodate you at the local school

Original poster

Thurlow · 14/08/2014 10:35

Ironically he does do more of the pick-ups than I do and will probably do the majority of the school runs!

Seems like I should push this one a bit. Thanks.

OP posts:

HayDayQueen · 14/08/2014 10:50

We had this situation, CM not being able to do the school picks up without being late. But it was only for a day.

The school insisted we keep the CM for the day so that DS could settle into school first, and then once settled only then change CMs. They worked around it by looking after DS for another 10 - 15 minutes until the CM came.

Their view was only one unsettling change at a time, and I agree with that.

So plan ahead. One unsettling change at a time. Change CMs first, then change schools.

HayDayQueen · 14/08/2014 10:51

Sorry, should have been clear, the CM only had DS for 1 day a week. So it was possible to work around this for just the 1 day.

I doubt you'd be able to do that every day.

BiddyPop · 14/08/2014 11:09

We had to move DD at 2yrs 8 months from 1 crèche to another as the first was changing management and info was incredibly hard to get (all while we were on hols). As the previous management/operators also had control of another, near where I was about to move for work (both in city centre rather than near our home, 12 miles out), we'd change staff and location but same ethos etc and we were happy with them. So we moved.

DD was about to move from toddlers into Montessori anyway, and would have waited longer in old crèche to do so for numbers reasons but was so so ready for the move. She loved it in new crèche, new monti teacher was great, it was that bit smaller which also suited and also meant they could deal with her foibles better (like refusal to sleep at after lunch nap time - which was ongoing since 18 months).

New location also meant we could go back to public transport (I was losing car space anyway, and she loved the bus). And it made things easier when we did have to move again for school purposes (as we then had to move her to a crèche near home for afterschool care). In a way, if you move her now and don't have to move again at school starting, that is an added bonus because only 1 thing changes at that stage - and school is enough of a change, even when the DCs love it, in itself!

cricketpitch · 14/08/2014 11:16

Move now. We had to at similar age due to CM serious illness. I thought it was end of world. DD settled really quickly with new CM and it was crucial for pick-ups etc. Moved again 5 yrs later - still in contact with all three of the CMs many years later. ( It is just a question of making the effort to meet up occasionally).

Original poster

Thurlow · 14/08/2014 11:22

Thanks all. I will stress to DP how changing CM and starting school at the same time might be a bit too much. He is currently clinging to the argument that our current CM should be able to make pre-school near us work, which I think she might manage, but I know she'll never manage pick-ups at two schools opposite sides of town.

Such a shame Our CM is lovely. If I like this new CM, I'm dreading telling our current one that we are leaving. She has DD since she was 8mo and I know DD is a bit of a favourite

OP posts:

Nicknacky · 14/08/2014 11:30

From what you said also, the location of your current cm isn't convenient for you. That has to be taken into consideration for you also. I had to drive across town to my original one and always got stuck in traffic whereas new one is five mins away. Far easier all round.

Original poster

Thurlow · 14/08/2014 11:41

God yes. I have to walk 20 mins to get to the CM, then double back 5 mins to the train station. It adds a lot of time. We've been fine with that for the past year - DD loves her, she is supportive of DP's shitty job hours, plus I try and see it as good exercise - but the thought of just wandering around the corner would be bliss! It'll stop me stressing about having to use a pushchair until DD is about 4, which I probably would've had to do.

Easier for DP as he can use the car for a lot of his pick-ups, whereas I can't. So I think he feels the pain of that trek across town far less than I do.

OP posts:

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