Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to pull out of organising this hen party?

30 replies

dolphinsandwhales · 13/08/2014 20:21

My dsis is getting married next month. I'm chief bridesmaid. So dsis gave me a list of ten friends she'd like to come to her hen party, as well as her two other bridesmaids.

Since then I've spent about £400 pre booking dinner, a show etc for the attendees. Also booked their train tickets, all with their emailed confirmation that they'd like to come and we're happy to pay me what they owed.

Last week I emailed and Facebooked the final details and asked for payment to my bank account. So far only three of the ten have paid, the rest have gone quiet, including the bridesmaids...

Obviously I can't pull out, dsis would be upset, but aibu to get arsey with the non paying guests? I can't afford to be out of pocket by hundreds of pounds...unfortunately I don't know many of them, it's potentially going to spoil what would've been a fun night if I get too stroppy though.

OP posts:
JoyceDivision · 13/08/2014 20:26

Your dsis is getting married, not having a major op or ailment!

Tell her who hasn't paid and they are ignoring your messages,and ask your sister to get in touch with them to chivvy along payment, tell her if they don't pay you'll cancel the bookings to geta refund as you can't afford to stand the loss.

and if your dsis doesn't want to do it, cancel, get your money back, reimburse those who have paid and say you're not organsing it.

Tallypet · 13/08/2014 20:26

Send them another reminder in a group message and gently remind them they owe money etc... I would ask that everyone reply by a certain time so that you know they're coming. If they don't reply then they don't come.

It's the norm to ask/get a deposit from the hen party.

I'm sure you'll be able to recieve a refund from trains for tickets not used.

Whocansay · 13/08/2014 20:27

Send a reminder email thanking those who have paid, and asking the rest to pay asap as you have to pay your cc bill?

All is not lost!

Original poster
dolphinsandwhales · 13/08/2014 20:31

Thanks. Unfortunately the show tickets are non refundable and in their names, so my only option is to get dsis involved. I think I've been quite naive. I thought grown adults wouldn't do this kind of thing...

OP posts:
Purplepoodle · 13/08/2014 20:37

Email them all, perhaps followed by a phone call.

LePetitPont · 13/08/2014 20:42

Can you pick off the non-payers via text or email? People can be really slow with this kind of thing (myself included) but hopefully will pay up eventually.

specialsubject · 13/08/2014 20:48

time to get on the phone.

Rebecca2014 · 13/08/2014 20:52

I would never have paid anything out of my own pocket due to how fickle people can be when it comes to money. Get your sister involved, shaming time.

indigo18 · 13/08/2014 22:21

What sort of show tickets are in peoples' names? Just curious as I have never given names for tickets to any kind of show.

DirtyDancing · 13/08/2014 23:15

Wow you even booked their train tickets! Very kind of you! If you agreed a budget up front & you haven't spent £100's of thier money without asking them, then send a reminder, give them a date to pay by & if no luck tell the bride

ThistleDoMeNicely · 13/08/2014 23:29

Just out of interest did you tell them when you needed payment for?

As in "I'm going to book everything on x date so could you please confirm your place prior to me booking and transfer the money by x date"

ThistleDoMeNicely · 13/08/2014 23:49

Also were they all aware of the full costs before you paid?

Boleh · 14/08/2014 00:21

I was horrified by the way people behave with things like this, I did a block booking of theatre tickets for a group of friends in advance, a couple of them changed their minds in a week or two before and expected me to be able to sell the tickets in at that notice (managed one or two but not all) and one just didn't show on the night. Ended up about £60 out of pocket - never again! These were supposed to be my friends not to just friends of friends so I'm afraid that not even intervention by the bride will necessarily fix it. I know it's no help now but I'm afraid I make people pay up front now.

latika · 14/08/2014 00:26

Can you contact the other bridesmaids directly and ask for their ££ and then ask them to help you collect in the ££ from the others, maybe a collective group mail from the bridesmaids and a few follow up phone calls.

NellyNoodle1 · 14/08/2014 23:06

Get ratty.

I used to buy things for a group at our stable yard that were £15 each because I got a discount. Could NOT get the money out of everyone. It never works.

Get bride involved she is only getting married you don't have to tiptoe around her - you are not causing trouble

  • you are mega organised and helpful - the ones not paying are ruining it - and never, ever do it again.
KnackeredMuchly · 15/08/2014 01:32

My DH was part of a stag group on facebook, when monies weren't handed over the organiser did a Name and Shame. It worked.

clary · 15/08/2014 01:46

This sort of thing is such a pain isn't it.

I organised a gift for someone this summer and of the eight people who agreed to pay £4, three of them still haven't paid. That's absolutely the last time I do something like that, the gift ended up costing me £16 not £4!

OP I would get mobile numbers and text people directly, be quite clear and straightforward, no need to be arsy but you need to say what you want!

HannerHet · 15/08/2014 08:35

Ring them! They can easily ignore texts/emails. Sounds like a nightmare. Also get your sister involved

rollonthesummer · 15/08/2014 09:48

I'd have a mini melt-down to your sister and say you can't afford to do this. Let her chase her own friends.

Did the friends all definitely agree and know how much it was? You see people on here all the time saying (usually the week before a hen night) saying they don't want to go/can't afford it etc

trevortrevorslattery · 15/08/2014 11:37

I would do a group email thanking those who have paid and saying "x, y and z - time to pay now" but also make it clear that if anyone drops out (having previously confirmed) then the cost per person for ALL OF the other attendees will have to go up and that you won't be bearing the loss yourself.

That way all the ones who have paid will get on the cases of the ones who haven't as well - it won't just be left to you, as they will be unhappy about having to pay more.

I also think being stroppy is fine .. any effect on the atmosphere on the hen night will be their fault, not yours.

Hope you get sorted OP. Hen nights are a hideous minefield Grin

Squidstirfry · 15/08/2014 11:39

Non-refundable or not, you need to say "Anyone who does not pay by xx date will not be able to attend".

rollonthesummer · 15/08/2014 12:18

I think if you say that unless they pay by x date, they don't come-loads will drop out and you'll have to suck up all the cost.

hellsbellsmelons · 15/08/2014 12:23

I'd send a group message and thank the ones who have paid and ask the others for payment urgently as you are now out of pocket.
Tell them exactly like it is!
Then get your sister involved.
She can go all bridezilla on their asses!

HatieKokpins · 15/08/2014 12:35

Get your sister involved. I had to do this for my hen do, and I didn't mind a bit. People will have a harder time ignoring the bride's requests than yours!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 15/08/2014 12:38

I was going to come on and suggest a group message, so the ones who have paid can shame those who haven't into paying.

Make it clear in the message that you are being left several hundred pounds in the hole by these people.