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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Stressed out mum

30 replies

honeybeeridiculous · 13/08/2014 14:59

Well, I've just been out for lunch with a couple of old friends, we meet up 3 times a year for a catch up and drinks and food, all very nice,
Think posh cafe type place. It was quite busy, noticed a large table with mums and their toddlers/babies and another table of workmen popped in for lunch,
Anyway, as time went on, a couple of toddlers getting tired,loud, fractious and one in particular, aged 3 started running around, hit his head on someone's chair,threw his toy car, hit another boy, hit his mum, you get my drift. Anyway, said boy started screaming, and continued to scream for half an hour, high pitched, awful noise. The mum at any time didn't tell him to sit down, don't hit friend etc.
Well everyone started looking at said mum and boy, as he was sooo loud. The table of men all turned to see where noise was coming from.
All of a sudden, the mum dragged the pushchair to the table, plonked boy in and headed for the door. She then went to the mens table(it was by the exit) and screamed at one of the men like a banshee, 'my son is 3, I've not slept and I'm sick of your attitude' and stormed off crying
The poor man couldn't believe what had happened, we had all looked to see where the noise was coming from, he did no more than anyone else in the place,
All the woman's friends stayed put, nobody followed her out,
I am in 2 minds, was she BU? Were we all U for looking??
Part of me thinks she should discipline her child, then part of me thinks we've all been there, no sleep, screaming kid etc,
Would you have done any different?

OP posts:
DaisyFlowerChain · 13/08/2014 15:08

What awful behaviour. If she was that tired, then maybe she should have stayed home and let her son run riot without spoiling any bodies lunch.

EarthWindFire · 13/08/2014 15:11

Terrible behaviour. Tiered or no need to have a go at innocent people!? Sad

cailindana · 13/08/2014 15:11

Sounds like she was at breaking point. I wonder why her friends didn't follow her?

That said I have a "friend" whose son behaves atrociously and there's always an excuse - I'm tired, I'm ill, his dad is being a pain etc - for why she doesn't deal with it. I think if she screamed at someone like this I don't think I'd follow her out either, I'm getting quite sick of her now.

greeneggsandjam · 13/08/2014 15:12

Do you think she was married to him?? (Kidding).

No excuse for screaming at a man if he hadn't said anything at all to her. I thought it was a table of men, why did she just scream at one man?

Anyway, you don't go around screaming at strangers for no reason. I am sure she feels quite silly now.

GoringBit · 13/08/2014 15:14

Aside from the very poor behaviour, she let the child scream for half an hour without trying to soothe or quieter him? Well, maybe she is stressed, but it's the sort of thing that makes done people so against children in coffee shops, cafés, whatever. She WBU.

Original poster
honeybeeridiculous · 13/08/2014 17:34

The poor bloke was Shock when she put her face in his face! To be honest she probably would have shouted at whoever was nearest, this man was nearest her exit!
I did feel a little bit sorry for her as she pushed the buggy up the road crying, but honestly the behaviour of the child was awful, and the only time she tried to get him to sit down he whacked her round the face with his car and she sat back down and let him run around Hmm
The whole cafe was looking at them to be honest,
It just surprised me that none of her friends followed her, but maybe it's a common occurrence Grin

OP posts:
amyhamster · 13/08/2014 17:42

I wouldn't judge her tbh
I'd assume she was having issues, mental health ones most likely
She's probably at home crying her eyes out
Did none of her friends follow her ?

Gen35 · 13/08/2014 17:42

It does seem odd re her friends, I've certainly had days when I've felt like that. Maybe the boy had behaved so badly all day she was worn out telling him off. In any case it just sounds sad and desperate. Obviously you don't scream in someone's face if things are all ok but without knowing more I'd generally feel more sorry for the mum if she was well past her limit of coping...

Sirzy · 13/08/2014 17:46

If that was one of my friends I would be worried about her and chased after.

She shouldn't have responded like that but unless it was normal for her then I would worry about what had caused it.

LadyLuck10 · 13/08/2014 17:48

It was horrible behaviour on her part. If she is having such a bad time then it's her bloody issue to deal with and not scream at someone for no reason.
I would have been giving her looks as well if she allowed her child to behave like that.

Original poster
honeybeeridiculous · 13/08/2014 17:53

Definitely nobody followed her. We were there another 40 mins after this and nobody went after her. The Friends were all still sat there when we left.
The waitress actually went to the mens table to see if they were ok!
Hopefully someone rang her later. I just keep thinking about her. My friend said the child was awful and needed to be disciplined etc etc, but like someone said we don't know her circumstances.
He was ruining everyones lunch tho!

OP posts:
Tryharder · 14/08/2014 08:36

Perhaps the men were making judge comments and giving her "looks"

I have a very difficult 3 year old. I truly sympathise with this lady. If your child behaves badly in public, it's like you are in a spotlight with people judging your reaction and your child's response. Sometimes it's easier to go all ostrich like and do nothing than actually do something.

One or two of the responses on here only prove my point.

Hurr1cane · 14/08/2014 08:43

Oh poor lady.
I know she was being unreasonable, but she burst into tears. Clearly she was at breaking point.

Her friends should have followed her.

If I was there without my DS I probably would have gone after her (but Otherwise I would have worried about her all night)

PumpkinPie2013 · 14/08/2014 08:47

She shouldn't have screamed St the man but it sounds like she's at the end of her tether Sad

I hope one of her friends rang her later.

Rebecca2014 · 14/08/2014 08:51

I feel really sorry for her. You said she did try stop him once but he hit her in the face so maybe she was embarrassed to try and stop her son again in case he hit out at her in public again?

I have a 2 year old who can be a nightmare so I feel for the mother.

Original poster
honeybeeridiculous · 14/08/2014 08:53

I have been thinking about the woman all night! Hoping one of her friends called her,
She must have been at the end of her tether to flip like that.
We were sat closer to the mens table than she was and they did no more than anyone else in the place, everyone was turning to see where the screaming was coming from, the men certainly didn't pass comment to her.
I think she just picked on them as she had to pass their table on her way out!

OP posts:
londonrach · 14/08/2014 09:00

She behaved very badly, poor man but sounds like she needs help. She was totally in the wrong allowing her child to scream for 30 minutes and shouting at random men but why didn't her friends go after her. She really sounded like she needed some support. Shocked her friends just let her leave unless this happens a lot... Poor woman. Hope she managed to get some sleep.

ThisFenceIsComfy · 14/08/2014 09:06

I once shouted "Why don't you take a photo, it'll last longer" at people who were staring and tutting at me wrestling DS into his pushchair after an epic tantrum.

Poor woman. Sometimes you deal with naughty behaviour all day every day relentlessly and you just want to sit and have one conversation.

Original poster
honeybeeridiculous · 14/08/2014 09:06

It was strange, she stormed off and everyone was Shock then my friends and I suddenly realised that nobody had followed her! which was also shocking.
Like I said, either it's a common occurrence or they were all too shocked. Don't know what to think really, there was about 6 other mums with their toddlers at the same table so you would have thought one of them would of helped her?

OP posts:
ThisFenceIsComfy · 14/08/2014 09:07

I have to say I'm not proud of shouting btw. Was just highly stresed

BeyoncesCat · 14/08/2014 09:15

She was UR and needs to get her child under control. Who wants to go to a rather posh cafe for lunch to be greeted with a screaming toddler and mother?!

Id like to think I would of said something but i can imagine its one of those situations where you're too Shock to get words out!

coolaschmoola · 14/08/2014 12:55

I'm on the fence here. Yes she should have disciplined her child. No she shouldn't have shouted.

But....

Imagine being her. Out with six friends whose children are behaving and yours is refusing and behaving appallingly. You are becoming more and more aware that people are looking. You know they are judging you. Then your child hits you in the face in front of everyone and people are STILL looking. You feel embarrassment and shame creeping through you, you go hot, flustered, you are trying not to cry as you grab your still misbehaving child and shove him in the pushchair. And everywhere you look there are people looking at you, watching you, silently judging you and your clearly shit parenting....

I can't say I wouldn't snap in that situation if I was tired and my dd had been wild all day.

I feel sorry for her. How awful to be stared at by everyone. OP the kind thing to do would have been to look away and ignore not keep looking. Poor woman.

maninawomansworld · 14/08/2014 13:13

and the only time she tried to get him to sit down he whacked her round the face with his car and she sat back down and let him run around

And that's most likely the problem. The child has learnt that if he just defies her she'll give up and he can go back to doing whatever the hell it is he feels like.
What she should have done was plant him in the pram, take him home and early to bed (or something similar) and he'd learn that next time he's tempted to smack his mum round the face that there will be consequences. Eventually he'll realise that he just has to behave because he won't win!

Doingakatereddy · 14/08/2014 13:22

I've been at that breaking point & think some responses here are harsh.

Sometimes children's behaviour is so poor for so long that combined with sleep deprivation it is too much.

Her friends are remiss to not help or follow her, and so she shouted at a bloke - he'll get over it.

Walk a mile in her shoes before you judge, one day it may be you

Gen35 · 14/08/2014 14:03

Yes I agree, a nice lunch ruined vs someone who obviously needs help not appearing to get any...possibly her parenting is part of the issue but children can be relentless and help is pretty hard to find.