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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

aibu to think that people should never give anything decorative for the house as a present?

58 replies

dalziel1 · 13/08/2014 14:47

unless you are certain that the other person explicitly will like it, and has space for it?

I especially include things like pictures, lamps, ornaments, curtains and anything else that will take up space, isn't a consumable and will be in the way be noticeable if the other person doesn't have it on display for years to come?

Smaller stuff, less obvious stuff like paperweights are ok, however.

OP posts:

HippityHoppityLaLaLa · 13/08/2014 20:58

I am familiar with the problem.

One year, MIL gave us a lamp. It suited one of our rooms which didn't have a lamp in it. I liked it and told her so when I thanked her sincerely for it.

The following day, she arrived with a second, identical, one, that we didn't have space for.

specialsubject · 13/08/2014 21:05

oh gosh, yes, life lesson not to do this. (sorry for anyone given crap in the past...)

policy now is that all presents are things that will disappear. Food, flowers, wine, things like that.

ShadowStar · 13/08/2014 22:36

As a general rule YANBU.

But SIL surprised us a year or so back - she got a photo she had of DS1 printed onto one of those massive canvas thingys and presented it to us. That was a lovely present.

Strictlyballroom · 13/08/2014 22:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Notso · 13/08/2014 22:57

YANBU at all.
MIL gave us a man made out of plant pots, which mercifully sadly fell off the wall,
we got a canvas with 4 month old DN's footprint made into a Christmas tree from BIL and SIL, WTF do we even do with it? I don't have stuff like that from my own DC never mind other peoples.

The Christmas before we first moved in together MIL decided she would buy us load of stuff for our house and ask all the family to do the same. She didn't consult us at all as to what we liked, she just bought what she liked so our first home was chintz ahoy
I remember waking up one night and ripping the 12 inch lacy frill off the nylon duvet cover in an almighty rage, it was so scratchy.

Gemling · 14/08/2014 00:43

My MIL is a lovely, lovely woman, but gives awful gifts. She must think our minimalist decorating style is down to lack of finances rather than our preference and keeps buying china ornaments for us. Crinoline ladies type of stuff, or creepy sad eyed children. I don't display them at all, she either doesn't notice or has decided to carry on regardless.

mumminio · 14/08/2014 00:53

Ha! My darling dad who is a packrat just phoned me yesterday to tell me about a poster of a pop group from the 50s which toured the city I live in. He asked whether I'd like him to buy it for me, and I said no thanks, but appreciate the thought. He called again today to say that he had bought it, and that we could sell it if we wanted to. The thing is that he will be bringing it with him on his next visit, which means he'd be carting it half way around the world. I'd feel a bit awful to sell it after that...but I don't want it, have no possible use for it, and am trying to keep the house decluttered. Sorely tempted to sell it.

SecretWitch · 14/08/2014 00:55

My ex MIL gave us this planter thing that looked like two hands coming out of the wall. I think the hands were in a prayer position. It was creepy. Unfortunately, creepy hands broke when they fell off during a thunderstorm.

YellowTulips · 14/08/2014 00:56

In general I think OP you are right - but I have to say that from my Mother, MIL and some close friends I have been bought some lovely home items.

The original oil painting MIL bought as a wedding present is just beautiful (contemporary abstract of the Tyne bridge where DH grew up).

Equally my BF gave me a painting done by her aunt of the NorthYork Moors for my 40th - stunning.

My mother got me a piece of Starbay furniture I had been lusting after - even though I hadn't told her.

Upshot is I suppose we all have similar taste. I would buy (and have) home items for all of them.

However I wouldn't buy something like that for someone I wasn't close to and felt I really understood their style.

NerfHerder · 14/08/2014 01:08

Secretwitch- did it really fall off the wall, or was it helped?

SecretWitch · 14/08/2014 01:17

Nerf, my ex did the sticking up duties...I'm certain he took great care with that single nail.

lordStrange · 14/08/2014 01:22

@ this thread

stinkle when you say Fortunately, she won't darken our doors so we don't have to give any of this shit house room out of politeness

is that because you have actually killed MIL? So sorry if I've misunderstood, but that line read to me as a little sinister

ZenGardener · 14/08/2014 01:27

MIL gave me a display of fake roses in a large glass case. It definitely wasn't my taste and fortunately unfortunately one of the kids broke it.

She wanted to get some furniture for DS's room and was quite put out when I declined.

FixItUpChappie · 14/08/2014 04:20

MY MIL, who is an amature painter, tops it in my opinion by always giving people (including us) her own art work. We have probably 8 of her pictures which are not even slightly to my taste but which we feel obligated to find a space for since she made them. Think amature oil fruit bowl, amature water colour birds type work. To me it's a bit presumptuous. One special piece okay.....a dozen pieces - NO.

Bluegrass · 14/08/2014 05:34

YANBU.

Interesting that the majority of stories are about unwanted gifts from MILs though!

Assuming that it isn't just MILs that give gifts does that mean that most people's own parents are just better judges of their children's taste (and does that mean there is another potential thread where the DPs of people on here are complaining about having to find space for all those gifts!).

Glastokitty · 14/08/2014 05:47

Isn't it funny how many of these things meet a sticky end?

Original poster

dalziel1 · 14/08/2014 09:56

There was a conversation once with SIL, where she "inadvertently" told me that she does not like my taste. She actually recommended that we re-decorate our house, even though she knew that we'd only just finished decorating it! There was an implicit acknowledgment that she has generally better taste.

DH is her younger brother and I think she still thinks that its ok to put him right about things things, the way she might have done when he was 10 and she was a grown up.

So, since then her gifts have taken on new meaning. She isn't picking things that she thinks we will like. It is more she is choosing stuff to try to make our home look more the way she thinks it ought to look!

OP posts:

Surfsup1 · 14/08/2014 10:11

My parents recently went to a photography exhibition and bought me this huge blown up photograph of their local beach because the photographer had captured a shot of our children swimming in the rock pools at the end of the beach. Lovely! Except they aren't our children.

They are so pleased with the happy coincidence and I haven't the heart to tell them. It actually makes me laugh every time I walk past it - I suppose that makes it worthwhile after all!?

ToBuyOrNot67 · 14/08/2014 10:22

YANBU - I've been given some corkers in my time. There is a website dedicated to hideous "what were you thinking" type of gifts. Worth a look - it might make you feel better!!! www.whydidyoubuymethat.com

Stinkle · 14/08/2014 10:28

lord . No, I haven't killed her, however tempting

Although I reckon no jury would convict me after the light up monstrosity

She refuses to visit us - we moved to a place she doesn't approve of, and 12 years later still hasn't stopped sulking about it

PetulaGordino · 14/08/2014 10:31

i love being given stuff for the house like that, but i'm lucky enough to have people with similar tastes, or with enough perception to take on board my/our tastes

trevortrevorslattery · 14/08/2014 10:52

YANBU at all - especially A3-size wooden plaques with whimsical sayings on them take note BF and MIL

ZenGardener · 14/08/2014 11:03

I know I sounded really awful declining furniture from MIL but DS's room is quite small and we need to measure furniture very carefully. From experience MIL does not agree with this. She will buy the furniture she likes without consideration of size, colour, design etc and I will be considered rude if I complain. Better just to decline it now and save the bother. I'd rather get something cheap that fits well.

A friend of mine told me how she got into quilting and made a quilt for her mother, then another. After 8 quilts her mother finally asked her to please send no more quilts. The friend was actually quite offended. They were huge things as well.

My DS is quite destructive. It's great for unwanted gifts. I just tell him not to touch something as it is very valuable and he is guaranteed to break it. The gifts I actually like have been sequestered away until he leaves home.

WhatTheFork · 14/08/2014 11:08

Due to his line of work, DH has been gifted large framed prints of work vessels used in his business, several times. They're beyond grim, but he always wants to display them. Next round of decorating I predict they'll get lost in the muddle.

jellybelly701 · 14/08/2014 11:11

When I first moved into this home we received gifts for the home from most family members.

My canvases, lamps, bedroom furniture, rug, photo frames, bed linen, candles, vases. Luckily they were all cream, beige or chocolate so matched the walls perfectly.

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