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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ban TV completely?

58 replies

Bustermqc · 13/08/2014 14:17

My DS never used to be that fussed by TV but in the last couple of months has become
OBSESSED. I am desperate to have it to give me a bit of a rest but it always always always ends in tears. He has never once happily turned off the TV. It is always an absolute screaming tantrum. At the moment he probably watches about an hour maybe three or four times a week. I was going to let him watch more when on mat leave with next child (maybe an hour a day) but now I think it is toxic because he just can't be measured about it and jut makes things miserable.

I have tried all sorts of tactics, making very clear to him when we will turn off, putting a timer on, all the things I can think of.

So am I better off just saying no TV at all and
Hoping I can cope?

OP posts:
Original poster
Bustermqc · 15/08/2014 07:22

V interesting points about the iPad from people. I didn't really think of that but it's probably true that it is much more intense. Ipads etc are a more weird kind of screen I guess than a TV which is more cosy. I think I will try a ban for a couple of weeks and maybe then reinstate with real TV. I do hate it though. Don't get me wrong I absolutely love relaxing with a few programmes sometimes but I hate that it becomes the focus of the house. FIL came over the other day and said 'but what do you do in the evenings?'. Fair play to them if they like it but it's a grim concept to me that people can't fathom what you would do without one.

Fairylea not knocking what you do, whatever works for your family but I would feel really depressed if I had the TV on all day. What's your reason for doing it? Is it like having the radio on? Ie having a bit of company sort of thing?

OP posts:
fairylightsintheloft · 15/08/2014 08:38

We have it on a lot as well. OP can I ask if you'd feel the same if it was reading books or doing puzzles or painting? Is it the tantrum over the loss of the activity that's the problem or the fact that its tv? We have had issues with this with ds (dd will wander off after a while) but ds would watch or just move onto the wii or ipad if we let him. We break up his screen time with board games, train track, going out etc but he has never been interested in crafts or lego or playmobile. During term time when we are all out all day he has v little tv time but I think people have a weird thing about screens that they don't have with other activities.

combust22 · 15/08/2014 08:41

fairy- I think it's interesting to have the tv on all the time. Don't you find it disrupts conversation and intrudes on the peace and quiet?

Altinkum · 15/08/2014 08:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TeenageMutantNinjaTurtle · 15/08/2014 09:26

My dd (2.6) is getting a bit tv obsessed. We generally let her watch one 10 min program in the morning once she's dressed and ready for nursery and then one in the evening before going upstairs for a bath.

She knows she has to get dressed, brush her teeth etc before she can watch anything and she's allowed to pick one program. It goes off at the end.

I would agree with a total ban though if it's unmanageable. When he watches TV, does he pick a specific program or is it just whatever happens to be on??

SavoyCabbage · 15/08/2014 10:20

We do TV before bed only. It's always worked for me as they know that they will get some TV later and associate it with pajamas/ milk and the end of the day and therefore don't ask during the day. In the same way you wouldn't ask for cornflakes for dinner.

zippey · 15/08/2014 11:32

I think if you make the tv an issue by limiting it, then it can cause issues. I also think that television can be brilliant for children and there should be no upper limit, as long as everything is in moderation.

In our household, we do not set limits for tv watching, instead, when it comes to doing other activities, its generally accepted that the tv is switched off and we go out, do baking, build lego etc. The only exception to this is bedtime, but even then we say "one more episode of peppa then bed". We dont make the television a big deal is what Im saying, and generally this works.

mumminio · 15/08/2014 18:10

My MIL has the TV on all the time, in the background. My husband was the same when we met, but now we don't have TV on at home, and he says he gets much more done.

What do we do in the evenings? Talk, play and sing with kids, catch up on work/home admin/cleaning, prep lunch and dinner for the next day, etc. Come to think of it, I can't imagine how people have an hour in the evening to just sit and do nothing! Wink

Summerblaze · 15/08/2014 18:24

I'm with fairy on this one. We dont limit tv but also dont have it on all the time and do plenty of outdoor/out of the house/meeting up with people activities. I do find that kids get really over excited and obsessive but they also get bored.

My DD is 10 and we finally relented and put a tv in her room last xmas. For the first 2 weeks she watched a dvd every night before bed. Since then she has had it on about 10 times.

Making something forbidden/limited just makes it more interesting for kids.

If my 2 yo was throwing a tantrum after turning it off, he would be put in the naughty corner just like any other tantrum.

If he threw a tantrum because he doesnt want to eat his tea then you wouldnt ban eating tea as it caused the tantrum.

combust22 · 15/08/2014 18:36

I don't get this "in the background" thing- what's that all about?

dietcokeandwine · 15/08/2014 18:39

I limit screentime for my DC, I could never have the TV on all day and almost never watch it myself BUT I do think fairy makes a good point about it having become such a 'holy grail' for your DS. And about the Ipad being more anti social than a TV programme watched in a communal room.

I do wonder whether limiting the screen time in the way you are doing it (ie allowing it on selected days only) could well be escalating the problem.

I would say either try a complete ban OR try what another poster does i.e. one short burst of TV every day. When my eldest was 2.5 he'd watch a half-hour of TV after tea and before bath. Same every day, he knew the routine, once the credits rolled it was bathtime.

This might be worth a go. I do think that at this age they can cope more readily with something that happens on a daily basis than with something that is offered (in their eyes) fairly randomly. It could be that part of his tantrum is that he has no idea when he'll be allowed to watch again.

If that doesn't work though I can see why you'd want to ban it.

mumminio · 15/08/2014 18:51

Combat it's like having a radio in the background but far more annoying

mumminio · 15/08/2014 18:52

Sorry Combust22 (still thinking about my annoying MIL!)

hollie84 · 15/08/2014 18:52

I think I come down on the same side as Fairy with this. We don't have the TV on all the time, but generally if DS wants to watch something he can. As a result maybe it isn't such a special thing and he spends a lot of time doing other things and is fine about switching it off.

Eva50 · 15/08/2014 19:00

I agree with fairy. I have never restricted them watching TV. We don't have it on all the time as it would drive me mad but they put it on and off as they desire. These days only really ds3 (8) that watches it and not that often.

Fairylea · 15/08/2014 19:07

I nearly hid this as I genuinely thought I'd get absolutely flamed as I know people on mn have a very strong opinion on tv, stronger than anyone/where else I've ever talked to in real life.

I genuinely don't know why I like having the tv on all the time.. I suppose it's the way I've grown up. It's not really a company thing as actually I'm a very antisocial person. I just like having it on in the background, I don't have it on loud enough to intrude or take over, if we want to talk to each other we do - the tv is background noise. If there's something particular we want to watch we'll turn it up - like a film or something then dc want to watch. It's loud enough to key into but not to take over.

I usually have it on cbeebies for ds during the day and if he gets bored and toddles off to play with toys (in front of the tv, we do everything together in the living room) then I might put something on for me while I carry on talking to ds.

TV isn't exclusive in our family. We all just continue around it. The dc have never ever had a tantrum about watching tv and we just have very active lives as well. We go out everyday at least morning or afternoon, lots of chatting and playing etc. But when we come in the first thing we do is plug the tv in.

Obviously if we have visitors we turn it off. And oddly Christmas morning when the dc open their presents etc tv is off until lunch. Just a routine I guess.

I am only strict about two things in our house - bedtimes (luckily both dc sleep 12 hours a night- ds goes to bed at 7 and dd at 8.30 to read for an hour - she's 11) and tidying up after yourselves :) (well not the 2 year old much.....!)

The rest I am very laid back.. I genuinely think life is too short to have battles over things like tv.

mumminio · 15/08/2014 19:54

12 hours a night at 2 years old?!

Phineyj · 15/08/2014 20:13

I think ipads are addictive full stop [I have never been off the darn thing since DH acquired it] and DD, 20 months, clearly sees it and the iphone as much more desirable than the regular TV or laptop. The screens are so pretty!

I am not anti-TV, but my younger niece became almost addicted in the way you describe. My DSis took a hard line on amount of viewing and DNiece got over it and has a range of interests now.

OP, I think if I were you I'd get a basic TV and one of those IKEA cupboards to hide it away in, and let your son watch it for a specified time each evening as a treat, as others have suggested. Banning it will shoot yourself in the foot when you desperately need half an hour's peace with the new baby.

somewherewest · 15/08/2014 21:39

Anecdotally some two year olds just can't handle screens. We don't let our 2yo 9 month old DS anywhere near them at the moment because of similar issues to the OP. DS is incredibly easy-going normally but turns into a nightmare when screens are involved. A friend has a DD of a similar age who nags her constantly to put the TV, even though she's only allowed two thirty minute slots at specific times.

Siennasun · 15/08/2014 22:21

At 2.5, threats about removing next days TV privileges are unlikely to be effective. Rewards/consequences need to be immediate at that age.
Maybe choose an activity he really likes to do when you turn the TV off ie "TV times finished and now we are going to do x". Or plan TV time to finish as you are about to eat or leave the house (to go somewhere he likes).

Siennasun · 15/08/2014 22:23

I agree with Fairylea that TV is a bit unfairly demonised. I hardly ever watch TV but it is always on in the background. I actually feel a bit uneasy if it's not on. When I was a kid I used to sleep with the TV on. It really hasn't ever caused me any problem. I did well academically. I have a professional job (in education). "Too much" TV hasn't harmed my attention span or my DS's. I sometimes turn the TV off if I'm trying to do something specific with DS and the TV is distracting him, but in general he has really good attention control for his age so I don't limit or worry about how much TV he watches.

People are all different. Some of my colleagues ask parents to turn the TV off when they do home visits but it would never occur to me to do that, unless it was obviously affecting the child.

combust22 · 15/08/2014 22:25

I would be wary about using TV as a reward or privilegde. That is just reinforcing the allure and priding TV as something to strive for. It isn't- a lot of it is banal, repititious and mind numbing/

But then I don't reward or punish.

LST · 15/08/2014 22:26

Our tv is on all the time in the background. DS rarely watches it. It's me. He too busy playing or in the garden.

HaroldLloyd · 15/08/2014 22:31

Buster I let my DS watch TV and he is totally fine when it goes off, however, if I let him watch TV on the iPad and take it away, he has awful tantrums.

If your happy for him to watch the amount he is watching I would try a TV.

CustardFromATin · 16/08/2014 00:05

[http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/aug/11/want-to-silence-a-two-year-old-charlie-brooker This] is how we felt about it...

We stopped all screen completely recently, it was a painful couple of weeks but it's much better now, even if I do occasionally miss a bit of down time, and it's good to do it before winter starts. We started watching more TV when we had 2 toddlers and a newborn, but ds1 became obsessed. It wasn't about seeing screens as 'evil' or anything like that, simply that there could never be enough of it, he would never beg so much for more park time / books or puzzles!

With having it all the time - we looked up quite a lot of the research before stopping it (because we were initially also of the view it wasn't harmful, especially because it wasn't replacing play times, just letting me actually feed and clothe all DCs!), but there was a lot about reduced chance to talk and interestingly about reduced focus by the parent more than the child... And we've all been there, where we realise that we are actually the only one watching Peppa flipping Pig any more.

Turning off made our lives so much easier, at least until ds1 works out that it isn't really broken and only able to show football games. Smile