AIBU to think it's mean to leave a toddler hungry in the morning...

[ReputableBiscuit]

because you want a lie in? Friend's DD (2.5) wakes at 6.30 every day. Friend thinks this is too early so leaves him crying/roaming the flat until 8.15 when she is prepared to give him breakfast and change his nappy. When her DS was just two and her DD was newborn, she had been up doing feeds in the night so left her DS hungry until 10. When he cried, she yelled at him to 'eat a fucking banana'. She told us this by way of an 'amusing' anecdote . AIBU to think that little kids do wake early but tough, you have to get up to them?

YANBU. That poor little toddler. She actually swore at her 2.5 year old to "eat a fucking banana". And she thinks its acceptable to ignore a crying toddler in a dirty nappy. What a horrible person she is.

Did anyone say anything to her when she mentioned this?

I feel really bad for that little toddler.

I don't know if the 10am breakfast was a one off. She told us about it when we went round to meet her DD/congratulate her on the birth so we weren't really in the right mood to flame her, though it's played on my mind since.

The ignoring the child for 90ish minutes every morning is definitely routine - she often mentions it in a despairing 'he wakes up so early!' way. (It's not actually that early - my DC often wake at 5.30.)

She's got a few odd personality traits, such as not being able to keep a secret ever, and dumping friends when she finds a better one. She's also witty and good company. I know that before I met her, she had an accident that involved head injuries bad enough to leave her in a coma, so I sometimes wonder if some of her stranger behaviours might be a result of slight brain damage?

Anyway, next time she is complaining about her DS wanting fed, I am going to remind her that he is pretty much a baby and shouldn't be ignored.

Dad leaves for work before 5 btw. Builder with a long commute.

yanbu.

dd2 used to wake at 5 from about 12 months and we kept a basket of toys plus things like bananas and brioche in our bedroom so we could hold off taking her downstairs (going downstairs would wake the dog, and consequently dd1)

Until your last post I thought might be your friend through the summer holidays and on weekends, if my 5 and 3 year old get up before 8, they are told that there's fruit in the bowl and water on the side, they can play quietly til I get up . I then doze until eightish - they come get me if I'm needed and the house is child safe and locked. I don't see a problem tbh. If I come down and they've each had some fruit, then I wouldn't do breakfast straight away as they'd had a snack - I'd probably wait until half nine/ ten and have late lunch/ brunch.

If I told it as an anecdote to another adult I would probably say- " I'm so fucking lazy I don't even get up with them in the mornings " it would be a joke, I might also joke that " they can get their own fucking food- fend for emselves!" But again it would be a joke , when I speak to adults and friends I swear like a sailor , it's almost punctuation, that's not actually how I speak to my children.

But obviously I am alone in this and bu and neglectful. Thank god mumsnet in anonymous or someone would be tracking down my hv and reporting me to ss

I think she's being neglectful. I'm of the view that if a child is crying you do your best to sort it. Lying in bed leaving a toddler to cry and wander about isn't right. I've got a 2 year old and thyroid problems and pituitary problems and he's woken everyday at 6 am for most of his life but I couldn't just ignore him and leave him to it.. not any longer than 15 mins or so anyway while he's happily playing with his teddies and i'm coming to.

The leaving till 10 am and shouting at him to eat a "fucking banana" when he's crying and hungry is just awful. :(

Agree entirely pregnantpause. I expect most was figure of speech.

Personally, My kids are 9&6 and at weekends and holidays we sleep til 8am. If they get up before 7:15 I send them back to bed! They always fall asleep. Even though mine older I have always done this and have never encouraged waking before 7am. Before 8am they can watch tv or play in their room.

I hope she was exaggerating.

I leave my DC to forage for their on breakfast. But that started only recently when the youngest was 9. They're fine to be unattended, and safe in the kitchen. It's not on for toddlers.

The comments and way she described it is dreadful. However the waiting for an hour and a half IMO isn't so bad.

DS wakes up at half seven, nappy usually not full so I wait for his morning poo before changing it. Usually have breakfast around 9. But in between we are together waking up slowly, I would NEVER let him just cry.

So from that angle, a big YANBU, poor baby.

Oh and DS is 16 mo so still in a cot, where I leave him as long as he is happy. He plays for about 30 mins before wanting out usually.

I also give him a drink first thing.

The other day he had breakfast at 10 I was shattered after being up administering him with meds all might (teething and temperature) and had terrible morning sickness and couldn't face any food. I brought DS downstairs and we both fell asleep cuddling on the sofa watching frozen. DH found us at ten and brought us toast. Was absolutely lovely.

Growing up we had to fend for ourselves quietly until 9:00am on weekends. We had the options of cereal, cartoons, or video games until the parents got up. We also had quiet activities to do, like drawing and coloring.

But I think I was 4 or 5 when that started, not a toddler. Come to think of it, I don't remember a single instance of adults getting me food in the morning, it was always fend for myself.

I'm not sure how I feel on a toddler doing that though. In theory it sounds great to create a schedule like that. But if she's not going to get up, she should at least leave out a bowl snack food for when he gets up or a baby gate to keep him in his bedroom where he can't get into anything dangerous.

Our two are allowed to go downstairs and watch some TV, read, or play in their room until 8am at which point they can wake me.

They have access to the fruit bowl and the kitchen tap.

It does them good, I hear them discussing what they can do quietly and how long it is until they can come and wake me

They are 6 and 3 - and this is a new thing this summer holiday.

I think he should have access to a drink of some sort first thing.

DS1 gets up before I'm ready and sits down stairs watching TV. I sort him out with what he needs before returning to bed. The acoustics of the house are very clear, and DS is happy. If he's not then his needs are addressed. He's now 3, and this has been happening since he was 2 when pregnancy insomnia/ SPD/ slow recovery from birth/ night feeds/ continued SPD have all conspired to make that extra bit of rest for me essential to being a pleasant and functional parent. Even now, my body is still physically sensitive about rest as a legacy from the SPD, and it hasn't realised that it was a pregnancy condition that should have left me alone 15m ago. It's not daily as I have to be up before him on work days, and the way DS2s feeds fail to syncronise around that contribute to my long term sleep deficit. DS1 is happy to entertain himself, abd that extra bit of rest does a lot to make me a calmer, happier parent.

I wouldn't leave him if he was distressed, and I hope the use of fucking was part of the anecdote and not said to him. That is the part that is not reasonable.

Ds 2 is 3 this month and some days up at 4.30, we have two dry biscuits on waking first breakfast at about 6.30 when we can both stomach it and second breakfast about. 7.30 when ds1 wakes up, ds1 just has one huge bowl of cereals. I've often had to pick hubs up on it though as he won't give ds anything until about 8 other than milk, which I feel is too long but he thinks if dis doesn't ask he's ok from 5-8

I certainly think at 2.5 years he shouldn't be alone roaming, one of us is always up with the boys even if in some early morning cases we are dosing on the sofa next to them watching a film. Why doesn't she let him watch. Film in her bed with some bel it's or such to tide him over? Until she's ready to get her lazy butt out of bed.

Yanbu

Fucking lazy parenting. It really is.

Mine were always very early risers, tbh I wouldn't be able to go back to sleep if I know a 3 year old was up. There are serious safety issues allowing a little one to wander about unsupervised.

Combust, if she's in a small flat it could be well and truly baby proofed though?

I do wonder how much of her story was a bit of an exaggeration, or a one-off case of exhaustion? Most 2.5yos can certainly get themselves a banana and mine certainly always had a water bottle available. Are you SURE the child is wondering around crying and not just wondering around?

Wander not wonder - duh.

Combust, if she's in a small flat it could be well and truly baby proofed though?

No I don't buy that. You can never forsee every hazard- a button may have popped off someones' shirt and lain unnoticed on the floor, babies often like to climb, so unless you only have carpet and no furniture there will always be hazards.

A baby could even choke silently on a piece of banana while a lazy parent slept.

A two year old needs supervision.

this is so awful.

We leave our DSs to play when they wake up but as soon as they start sounding whiny we get up and see to them. DS2 (17 months) is going through a phase of waking at 6am right now. You just have to suck it up don't you? Both of mine get a cup of milk in their room first thing, this tides them over till breakfast which tends to be anytime between 8 - 9 depending on what we're doing.

She sounds like she's either struggling or she's a touch neglectful. Either way it's not great for the little one. 2.5 is far too little to be wandering around alone and hungry.

Where's her maternal extinct to actually feed her baby? What a hideous person you're friends with!

Maybe she is still suffering effects from the coma, it is possible. Iirr, empathy capacity can be damaged after brain injury.

However. She is being irresponsible and down right nasty. I would say she is abusing her power of parent to a young child. There are plenty of ways of dealing with the usually short term annoyance of early waking without leaving a toddler to wander hungry for that length of time.