To have read the riot act to ds (8)?

[JulietBravoJuliet]

I usually love having ds at home, but this holiday, so far, he's been acting like a rude, spoilt, entitled little brat, and I'm just about at the end of my tether with him tbh. He's currently undergoing assessment for possible ASD, so I do make allowances for some of his little quirks, but there's not a day gone by without us having to talk about his attitude towards me. He's answering back constantly, interrupting me, answering with "Whatever" or "Blah, blah, blah" to everything I say and it's getting embarrassing when out in public and bloody irritating in the house, especially when coupled with tutting, sighing and eye rolling whenever I pull him up on it. I feel like I've done nothing but shout at him so far, and I'll be glad when he's back at school, which is something I've never felt before.

Anyway, an hour or so ago, the post arrived and there was a new headset I'd ordered for him for his xbox, as his old one broke. He was very excited and asked if I'd set it up for him. As I was trying to plug it into the tv, he said, "I can't see the screen with you in the way!" and flung his controller down in temper. I switched the xbox and the tv off, put the headset back in it's box, and gave him a damned good telling off. I told him he was behaving like a spoilt little brat, and who did he think he was talking to me like that when I was trying to do something nice for him? Not that he deserved anything nice when he couldn't treat me with any respect. Xbox is now banned for the next few days, until I feel he has earned time back on it, and he's currently in his bedroom with a book for company until he can come and give me a proper apology.

I rang his dad (we're separated) and told him what had happened, mainly to let him know of the xbox ban, as he has him for a couple of days at the weekend, and he has said I've been way too harsh on him and he's just being a typical boy apparently!

I can cope with a bit of general over exuberance and excitement, but I will not tolerate rudeness and lack of manners. Have I been too harsh? I'm at the end of my tether with his behaviour at the minute and don't know where to turn.

Not too harsh imo.

No, I'm a softy and that seems fine to me.

"being a typical boy" is a dreadful excuse for poor behaviour in boys. Do we really think so little of young men that we feel they cannot be expected to behave in an acceptable manner? What message does that send?

You are being absolutely fair and I'd have blown my top too.

Dear 8 year old DD
I have paid a small fortune for your dance and activity camps for the next three weeks.
I told you that they all start at 9am.
The least you could do is get up, eat and get dressed so that we can leave the house on time.
I'm sick of having to say this every bloody day.
OP YANBU. 8 year olds think they know it all...it's like they're teenagers already.

YAnBU.
But I bet his dad doesn't respect the ban.

Yadnbu.
Seems exactly right. His dad needs to respect the ban and back you up, even if he doesn't agree with you.

You are making a rod for your own back here. You are running the risk of raising a child who respects you and knows he can't speak rudely to you. Is that what you want? Really?

You're doing the right thing, and your ex is wrong.

YANBU. You did the right thing.

YANBU. You behaved appropriately.

YANBU, I would have done the same thing

YANBU
I once rouded in DD2 and told her to stop being a bitch, the world didn't revolve around her and to get rwady to be out the house in two minutes or else.

I think she was 9/10 rather than 8, but a similar long stretch of attention seeking, ungreatful, general awkwardness.

There is nothing wrong with firmly saying enough is enough.

And for what it's worth DD2 is a much nicer 13y, than she was at 9.

Not too harsh at all

I have 3 'typical boys' and woe betide any of them if they treated me like that

"And for what it's worth DD2 is a much nicer 13y, than she was at 9."

Oh, thank god.

Yanbu. I'd have done exactly the same. I won't tolerate any disrespectful talk now as I think he will get the idea it's acceptable and be even worse as a teenager.

Sounds fine to me. I can't stand hearing children being rude to their parents, especially when they are not told off afterwards.

Yabu to expect his dad to keep your punishment.

YANBU and your ExDH doesn't sound like he's helping

Thank you all for the unanimous verdict :) I just feel like I'm banging my head against a brick wall sometimes; his dad has him usually one day a week yet criticises everything I do as obviously he could do better!

His behaviour has got noticeably worse this last year and I think some of it is that he's just not able to do some of the things that his peers can do, like riding a bike, scooting on his scooter etc., which I think he's starting to notice and is finding frustrating. He struggles a lot with social skills, especially in groups of kids, and I think he's getting cross about this a bit, as he feels uncomfortable and stressed in a lot of situations. I think the reason he behaves like this with me is because he feels comfortable with me, if that makes sense, but I just feel like he doesn't care about upsetting me, and it's as frustrating as hell sometimes!

If you think his dd won't back you up and carry through the punishment, you can say that he doesn't get the Xbox at your house until,you have seen enough days of good behaviour - so essentially the time at his dad's would be irrelevant, for the purpose of the punishment.

Why can't he ride a bike or a scooter?

My two boys have ASD (14yrs and 11yrs) and I've done exactly the same as you've done.

My reasoning is that they're not going to learn the social rules of what is or isn't acceptable unless they are taught. I'll happily go down the usual route of explanations and warnings first (just in case they genuinely haven't realised that their attitude/behaviour was wrong) , but if nothing changes then they lose their internet access/game time etc.

The feeling safe with you is almost certainly right.

DD2 was an absolute angel at school, but felt perfectly safe being a grade a pain at home. In fact she'd started as she came out the school gate.

If he does have ASD or similar problems, he's going to find school and other people hard work. However, it's not good for him or the rest of the family, not to expect a certain basic standard of behaviour at home.

YANBU or harsh. If your ex is not particularly cooperative I wouldn't bother trying to get him to back you up tbh. At 8 he can understand that different rules apply at his dad's. It's more hassle than it's worth trying to exert control over what happens with the NRP in my experience!

Also, I hate this 'boys will be boys' attitude. My dd is quite boisterous and forthright and I've noticed her behaviour being judged more harshly than the same behaviour that's just seen as 'to be expected' from boys.

Sorry, missed your last post!