To not ask for mainenance for children.

[NacMacFeeglie]

I couldn't think where best to post this. Basically my mum and my partner think my ex should pay for his four children.

When we split we had an agreement. He didn't keep to his side of it to I went to csa and for a few months he paid. Then he lost his job and payments stopped. For the last two years he has been working full time. I haven't claimed maintenance because I wanted to work too and he agreed to have the kids every weekend so I could.

I am now about to go full time and I can manage without maintenance. I've been managing for two years. However my mum and my partner both feel that he Should be paying regardless. As they are his children too.

He will be having them alternate weekends now I have a week day job. I am not rich. Money comes from benefits obly just now and I buy a lot of things second hand etc.

Should I claim maintenance or not. I don't know what to do for the best.

Don't be a martyr, it's for the children.

Grandad you may well be right but that seems a bit surprising - after all benefits are means tested so you'd think someone with more coming in (from maintenance) would be entitled to less.

Unless they calculate your benefits assuming that you are getting maintenance whether you are or not (to put the onus on you to claim it)? In which case OP is really losing out by not seeking maintenance.

I had the same issue many years ago for my DD - for ages I didn't bother as he was working sporadically and it would have caused major upset.

However, someone very wise told me that I didn't have the right to decide not to claim the money as it wasn't mine, it was DD's. Even if I just put it in a bank account - she could decide to return it when she was older but it had to be her choice. It made a lot of sense to me.

Ah got it - thanks chunderella.

It's not your money. It's your children's money.

Nobody should be viewing his contact with the children as him doing you favour so you can work to support them and yourself- they are his children, they are entitled to contact with their father. Remember you care for them during the week to enable him to work- where's the payback for you from his job?

If you are able to keep it to an amicable agreement and would prefer not to go through the CSA then fine- look up what he should be paying, agree between you to deduct any amount that he already pays out for holidays, clothes etc, and then see what the difference is. There's a lot to be said for making an agreement between you if you're on good terms, but your children have the right to be supported by both parents.

My ex has never paid maintenance for the last 9 years - for about 6 years of it he has been a recovering alcoholic, unemployed or a student. He earns very little even now, so the whole thing has seemed futile. If he had a normal wage I would not hesitate to claim. He appears to have no moral sense whatsoever.