Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

to be fed up of neighbour telling me my house is small

45 replies

m0therofdragons · 12/08/2014 23:19

She's retired and has a different style house to mine. Hers is a standard 3 bed new build where as ours is a town house. Both 3 bed rooms but my master bedroom is big. My kitchen is smaller than hers but actually has more work surface and cupboards just less floor space. Overall I think the square footage is similar. Her garden is bigger and she has a garage... She paid £20,000 more than us so fair enough.
Anyway she is constantly remarking about our small house - which we actually love, can afford, and are really happy in even though having had twins as my second pg means they have to share a bedroom. Today's comment, "your always out and about with your dds... mind you I supposed you get too crowded in that small house."
I'm seriously losing patience. It's not a mansion and has a small garden, but I hate garden type jobs and bigger house means more cleaning. Don't want to upset an old lady/neighbour but polite responses aren't working!

OP posts:

Chippednailvarnish · 13/08/2014 06:46

My neighbours are always passing comment on how they would have never have paid as much as we did for our house. How they would never be comfortable with a mortgage as big as ours.

Given that they were given a plot of land by their parents and they don't have a mortgage because they inherited a couple of hundred thousand pounds I have a tendency to think they are full of shit!

OhMyArsingGodInABox · 13/08/2014 06:53

Bizarrely I get this from my sister. She plays a weird competition that she has tried desperately to involve me in for years. It goes like this.

Years ago, I rented a flat and she bought a house. A lovely 2bed terrace. All was well with her world.

Then I bought a 3bed semi. She spent a year telling me that my house wasn't really any bigger than hers when you take xyz into account, and that my house was too small for my children, and that it was cramped and messy.

Then she bought a HUGE 3bed semi, the same style as ours (same road) but extended to twice the ground floor area. All was well again with her for a while.

We have just bought a big 4 bed plus study detached. She is spittingn nails. She had at least been very open about the fact she is seething with jealousy but some of her comments have been hilarious. She has so far pointed out my TINY garden (it really isn't), told me my walls are too thin and generally been scathing about whatever she could be.

I just laugh now. And we're taking bets on how long it takes her to buy an even bigger house. We won't ever be moving again as we have enough space now. So she can buy a mansion and 'win' and everyone will be happy.

OhMyArsingGodInABox · 13/08/2014 06:56

I should say that I don't involve myself in her competition at all, because I am not a psycho. I've never been anything but complimentary and positive about her houses, which have all been beautiful.

It's a pathological need for some people to remind or convince themselves they have the best and the biggest.

merrymouse · 13/08/2014 07:02

Of course the sensible thing is to just quietly nod and move on.

However, you could make politely 'concerned' remarks about how lonely she must be rattling around in that big lonely house next door and how young people these days just don't seem to care about their elderly relatives.

I think the best thing is to make the remark about her being tragically lonely in your head, feel sorry for her, nod and quietly move on - but perhaps throw in a concerned, pitying look.

AndIFeedEmGunpowder · 13/08/2014 07:05

My MIL is a bit like Spoon's and might say something tactless a bit like this but wouldn't mean to be rude. She would be mortified if called on it.

Next time she says something I think I would say something about how you actually much prefer your house to the bigger ones, and isn't it good that everyone has different taste?

GranitaMargarita · 13/08/2014 07:57

I'd play up to it by agreeing politely that it's an absolutely miniscule house, and it's a wonder you can all physically fit through the door. In fact, you've been starting to suffer from headaches and you think it might be lack of oxygen caused by the tiny house...

I think you could have a lot of fun...

WildCherryBlossom · 13/08/2014 08:17

I really wouldn't let this woman bother you. Your house sounds a lot bigger than mine, and I have the same number of children. We love our house with a passion! We really don't need more space. I am outdoors a lot too, but mainly because the children are happier and sleep better if they have had plenty of fresh air and excercise. We also find the small mortgage a weight off our minds. And our children like sharing a room. As for your twins sharing - I have a friend with b/g twins who lives in a very big house and the twins are repeatedly offered the choice of a room each (with their own decoration / colour schemes etc) but refuse as they want to be together!

Glastogirl · 13/08/2014 08:24

We bought a new house fairly recently and a work colleague came round to visit. Her first words were 'it's much smaller than it looks from the outside isn't it' which annoyed me no end as I thought it was rude and it's twice the size of her house

AlpacaYourThings · 13/08/2014 08:26

YANBU, this kind of behaviour really ticks me off.

I would just give her a half smile, not say anything and then walk away. I wouldn't even give her a response.

hoboken · 13/08/2014 08:28

Tell her a house is a base, not a prison, that fresh air, trips out and activity are the spice of life and staring at 4 walls, even if they are in large rooms is simply not good enough for your family.

KERALA1 · 13/08/2014 08:35

My friends neighbour told my friend they were moving because they had outgrown the house, it was ok with young children but now her two were 11 and 13 it was too poky - onwards and upwards. Yes you've guessed it my friend lived in identical house with 2 children of 11 and 13 no plans to move...

erin99 · 13/08/2014 08:44

Breezy "you think so? I love it." "You think it's small? We are really happy here." Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

Bonkers and rude lady but I don't think cutting remarks will 'win' here.

Catsmamma · 13/08/2014 08:50

my ma can be like this about houses... sometimes it's more prestigious to have more rooms, another time she'll witter on about the size of rooms.

I think it can be a generational thing....obsessed with property and bettering themselves.

I'd let it wash over you with maybe a "just as well we like it" comment....unless you want to tell her to shut the actual fuck up. :o

80sMum · 13/08/2014 08:59

Why does it bother you OP? You've already said that you love your house, so it's not as if this person is rubbing away at a sore point. Just take no notice. It's clearly not intentional on her part to upset you.

DownByTheRiverside · 13/08/2014 09:10

Had an American friend visit, she walked up the path and ito the house. Then she did a double-take, walked out and looked at the house from the garden again.
'You live in....half a house?' she said, with the incredulity appropriate to 'You live in a hobbit hole?'
Yes, it's a semi-detached. Never seen or heard of one before and she was amazed.
Ignore your neighbour, she could be complaining endlessly about your children instead.

DownByTheRiverside · 13/08/2014 09:11

Oh Granita, how did I miss your post?
Yes, the possibilities are endless!

ouryve · 13/08/2014 09:22

What a bore. You could comment that the house is just right for you but you're not so pleased with some of the neighbours.

LeezieLindsay · 16/08/2014 07:52

Next time put on sympathetic expression, tilt head.
"Oh dear, you do seem to keep repeating the same things about our house. It might be worth mentioning this symptom to your doctor. I mean this in the nicest possible way of course. I dont feel any normal nice neighbour would be so rude or so obssessed with how we live"

minibmw2010 · 16/08/2014 09:16

SIL said similar to me once. She was living in a small flat with her DH and 2 kids.

We bought a 5 bed, 3 storey double fronted house and first time she visited said 'oh it's like a tardis, so small from the outside and bigger inside'. It's not small inside or outside !!! Now she often mentions how it's 'deceptively small'.

victoryinthekitchen · 16/08/2014 09:30

you love your house, you're happy there and you can afford it, maybe that reminds her of when she was younger and it makes her sad? Anyway life's too short so I would just ignore her :)

Flip

1 2