To think that encouraging a five-year old to grow up to be a supermodel isn't a good idea?

[KirjavaTheCat]

Recently my SIL and I had a heated discussion about this. She has a 5yo daughter, my niece, who is tall for her age and very, very slim. She gushes about how slim she is both to my niece (who then goes on to show everyone how slim her tummy and legs are) and to anyone who'll listen.

The last six months or so she's been prompting my niece to tell everyone she's going to grow up to be a supermodel. "Go on, tell them what you want to be when you grow up! She's got the look for it, don't you think? Look how long her legs are" - "She's got such a pretty face and is so slim, she's going to earn big money"

She does stretches and 'exercises' with my niece that seem to form some sort of daily routine. All designed, SIL says, to tone and lengthen her proportions. Mhm.

So she was talking to me about it and I muttered something about it not being a great thing to encourage her to do, and we got talking. She was really defensive.

SIL has money troubles and is very stressed, so her main argument was that anything my niece can do in her future that will ensure she's taken care of, and will mean she doesn't have to struggle is a good thing, regardless of what it is. She says niece is keen, she doesn't force her ideas onto her and that it all comes from niece (which I don't believe is true at all) She eventually told me to mind my own business.

I know that many successful models are encouraged from an early age, but 5? Niece is so aware of her weight and what size clothes she wears (she can fit into 3yo summer shorts so she tells me) it seems so bizarre and inappropriate to me.

I'm aware that I may come across as a judgmental busybody btw... Just wanted to get some thoughts on this I suppose.

I'm with you completely, how about encouraging her to do well at school so she can get a good well paid job instead??

Your sil sounds like a moron and your dn will grow up thinking being pretty/thin is the only way to be worth anything, very sad

Oh my word.

Your SIL is clearly a poltroon

Very odd indeed - poor little girl

How tall are her parents? I can work out how tall she's likely to become

Ooooh dear. This will not end well.

Your idiot SIL is storing up a whole herd of problems for the future. Your poor niece

I don't think there's much you can do in the face of such determined idiocy. Step back from crazy chops whilst trying to be a source of advice and support for your niece? She'll need it.

YANBU. It sounds horrible. And also, being tall at 5 certainly doesn't guarantee being tall when older.

My dd is 4 ....this makes me cringe

YANBU, poor kid.

5yr olds should be slim anyway

Does your SIL have a weight problem/obsession?

Every time I heard it, I'd probably say something to your niece like (tone of extreme excitement) "That would be fun! You could travel round the world with your friends! What else would be fun? I think it would be fun to fly the plane that goes around the world. You'd see lots of new places and you could do loop-the-loops in the sky. Then I'd like to fly in a hot air balloon across Africa, taking photos of animals!"

It won't end well.

I was tall and slim at 5.

Then puberty hit with a sledgehammer at 9 and it all went out the window. Everyone else kept on growing and I remained 4ft11 (and a bit) and put on weight.

YANBU!!

Focussing on appearance and body image when she's barely started school - what great parenting!

Any chance anyone in the family can have a quiet word with SIL's husband about it?

At five I wanted to grow up to be a fairy or run away to the circus or possibly be a ballet dancer. My Dad told me that I couldn't join the circus till I was seven. They never told me I couldn't be a fairy. Needless to say I didn't grow up to be a fairy and I dropped ballet early teens.

I know many boys of five, six, seven that are dead set they're going to be pro footballers and very rich. I know some parents who actively encourage this belief.

Is your niece being told that she doesn't need to learn to read and write or apply herself at school because she's going to be mega rich based on looks? That would be a major concern.

If you feel the need to say something could you point out the successful supermodels who are highly educated and how thats helped them manage their careers and finances like these seven

Both SIL and my brother are tall, but there are also a lot of shorties in my family (me included) so those genes could come into play too, who knows.

SIL did a small amount of modelling in her late teens and appeared in an advert or two as well. I think maybe this drive for niece to be rich and famous stems from that.

When I mentioned that a lot of models are encouraged to starve themselves thin from a young age she said I was exaggerating the issue. I don't think she's thinking this through.

Weird.

At five I too was very tall and very slim.

I am still very tall.

Even if she remains tall and slim as she gets older (no guarantee of that), it takes a little bit more than that to achieve "supermodel" status, does it not?

My 13yo is tall and slim, and beautiful, although I'm obviously biased but supermodel material she ain't.
How many are?

Well, there's nothing inherently wrong with being a supermodel.

There is something very wrong with making such a young child so body aware though.

I think your SIL is bonkers. becoming a supermodel is based on so much more than height and weight, and none of those factors (facial proportions, how a face reflects light, how the camera 'sees' a face) are under anyone's control. You hit puberty and you either have it or you don't.

Poor DN. OP if you want to set out some alternatives, there's a site called A Mighty Girl on Facebook with has ideas for books, role models, etc. it is American (so not everything is available here) but it will give you some good ideas for birthday presents, etc.

I have friends and family in the entertainment industry it is NOT easy to get work. Also, this career will only last until she's 26. 30 at the very latest before they move onto a younger model.

You need to have good business sense as well as good negotiation and contract skills. Being pretty isn't enough, there are thousands of pretty girls out there and if DN isn't willing to do something else questionable there's hundreds of girls that will and jump at the opportunity to do so and for cheaper. It's like freelance work, you only get paid when you land a contract. It's not reliable or steady income, and the market is over saturated.

In any case, if DN wants to do this, let her dream. She's 5. In a year or so, she'll want to be something else. By the time she's a teenager, she's not going to sit there letting her mum tell her what to do with her life.

Just be supportive and when she changes her mind (or in this case makes her own decision), be supportive of that too. That way she knows you always have her back.

How about encouraging her to do well at school so that she can get a well paid job instead?

Just as not all kids will be able to be a supermodel due to (lack of) talent, genes and luck, the same applies to the above statement.