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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WIBU and racist?

21 replies

jammygem · 12/08/2014 19:56

I was talking to my colleagues today about a job I had as a teenager at a cafe. It was run by a family from Kazakhstan, and the staff was mainly made up of their friends and extended family. I mentioned how I left because I didn't really get on with one of the owners, but also because I felt really uncomfortable when the staff would only speak Russian - knowing I didn't have a clue what they were saying.

One of my colleagues was really shocked when I said this and said she couldn't believe how 'racist' I was.

Is it really racist to feel uncomfortable to spend your day working with a group of people who will only speak their native language in front of colleagues who don't speak it? For me it was probably more a social anxiety thing too, where I would be convinced they were talking about me, but that's a different issue altogether...

Basically, WIBU and a racist bitch?

OP posts:

ithoughtofitfirst · 12/08/2014 20:00

Um.... no??

saadia · 12/08/2014 20:01

YANBU at all, that would make anyone uncomfortable.

mumteedum · 12/08/2014 20:02

Err no. Think that's an over reaction. You were a teenager! We all have hang ups at that age. I'd say to enjoy your work, esp if it's a fairly low paid job, then at least a bit of chat with colleagues helps.

I don't think it's reasonable to expect family to speak English all day either but then not unreasonable for you to not enjoy job because of that either.

flyingtrue · 12/08/2014 20:04

YANBU, next time ask her just how it's racist to feel that way- i expect she can't back it up.

ReadyToBreak · 12/08/2014 20:08

Oh christ, do you know my sister?

P.s. Not racist at all!

MollyHooper · 12/08/2014 20:12

See, this is what happens when thick people act sanctimonious, it never ends well.

No you were not remotely racist.

HaroldLloyd · 12/08/2014 20:12

That's not racist.

EarthWindFire · 12/08/2014 20:14

Nope not racist.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 12/08/2014 20:17

Not racist from you at all.

The fact they were happy to speak in their native tongue and ignore you says more about them.

Your friend is daft.

MrsTerryPratchett · 12/08/2014 20:17

I don't think 'Russian speaking' or 'Kazak' is a race. At worst you would have been possibly prejudiced or xenophobic but I don't even think that is the case.

ADHDNoodles · 12/08/2014 20:20

It's possible to have a legit reason to dislike someone because of what they did regardless of whether they are a protected class or not. It really is. As long as you dislike someone for what they do and not what they are, you're fine.

DH worked in a small family restaurant where the owners and workers spoke a different language in front of him. He had more of a "Fuck it, if they have a problem, they'll say it to my face" attitude. They ended up getting along really well in the end before he left.

gamerchick · 12/08/2014 20:20

Russians aren't a race are they?

WalkWithTheLonelyOnes · 12/08/2014 20:38

I worked in a cafe owned by an Iranian couple. They were lovely but when their family popped in they all started to talk amongst themselves (I don't know which language it was ) it made me feel really excluded

Joyousthings · 12/08/2014 20:42

IMO yanbu or racist at all. It made you uncomfortable and feel excluded just like in-jokes would or if a group of two or more spoke in your own language but knowing that their expertise in a subject deliberately excluded every time and they kept doing it. I don't like it when mums in playground do it after all they can understand me so why when i am part of the group do they choose to exclude me or/& others in this way?

Original poster

jammygem · 12/08/2014 20:44

Glad to hear you all agree that I'm not being racist! My other colleague was a bit when she said it, but she was just so outraged at what I said that it had me thinking she might have a point.

WalkWithTheLonelyOnes I think that's exactly what I was trying to describe - feeling really excluded... Especially if I was working for 8 hours without being able to be part of any of the conversation. Makes you feel a bit lonely really

OP posts:

StrawberryMouse · 12/08/2014 20:45

Nope, you weren't racist and they were quite rude. My DH is Welsh and he and his family speak only Welsh at home (well, his parents') but when I'm in the room they speak English so that I can y'know, understand and be included.

HaroldLloyd · 12/08/2014 20:45

It's normal to feel excluded when everyone is speaking a language you don't understand. It's not at all racist.

grannymcphee · 12/08/2014 21:06

No, they are the same race as us. Too many ignorant people think that anyone from another country is of a different race when, if fact, they are of another nation. Public bodies and the media constantly make the same mistake and it infuriates me. How can anyone be accused of racism when they are of the same race? It beats me!

Alisvolatpropiis · 12/08/2014 21:07

Your colleague is an idiot.

ilovesooty · 12/08/2014 21:24

Idiots like that make tackling genuine racism more difficult. You weren't at all unreasonable.

treesntrees · 12/08/2014 21:28

I used to attend a class which was about half and half English speaking and Urdu speaking. Every time the Urdu speakers lapsed into Urdu the Urdu speaking teacher at once told them to speak English. She had the right idea. It was a leisure class and gave both groups the chance to get to know each other.

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