to ask how much money you would need to stop working?

[bedraggledmumoftwo]

Or if you already have, at what point was it manageable financially?

returning from mat leave after second baby but don't think i can go back part time so it is all or nothing. I am lucky in that i have a successful career, am senior qualified professional, but even so i will only bring in about £1k a month after childcare for two toddlers and commuting costs. I realise i am lucky to actually make a profit at all after paying for childcare, but i do question whether it is worth the stress and commute and being away from my babies all week, when my dh has just got a big promotion and could afford to cover our living costs.

at what point would/did you decide not to work any more? And if you are a sahm do you plan on working after the kids are grown up?

It comes down to what makes you happiest. If you have a choice (lots of people don't unfortunately) then you have to do what is best for you and your family. If that means giving up work for a few years, then do it. It can be hard to get back into the workforce, but not impossible. You have the rest of your life to work if you want to. However, if you love your job, and the thought of doing full time childcare makes you want to die inside, then get yourself back to work asap!
I think that money is important, obviously you need to be able to cover your basic living costs, but you can't base such an important decision purely on an arbitrary amount of money. I have friends who are worse off in work than they would be as sahm's but they work because its fulfilling and they're better/happier mums to their dc when they work. I'm a sahm, and wouldn't contemplate going back to work for at least a few more years even though we would be moderately better off if I did. I miss my job and I worry about going back eventually and having to drop a level/take a pay cut, but I'm happy with my decision because overall it works for me.
Having said all this, if I won the lottery I would get myself a nanny at least one day a week so I could please myself for the day, but it definitely wouldn't be so I could work!

I think the fact you mention in your post at 19:27:26, that you can take a 5 yr break and still be able to go back, changes the question immeasurably!

That is a luxury most people don't have.
I'd take that then.

Ive thought about compressed hours but it would only be me doing the nursery drop offs and pick ups

Why? You have a DH - why can't he do one or the other? He's a parent too, do men have such Important Careers that they can't possibly participate in menial tasks like this?

I'm not having a go at you, OP, I'm just getting more of a feminist as I age! I wouldn't put a baby and a toddler into full-time nursery or with a childminder. If I were in your very fortunate position I'd be discussing with my DH how we could have a nanny for 3 days a week and one or the other of us cover the other two days.

Two weeks after I (fairly unenthusiastically with the secret plan of giving it 3 months and announcing it wasn't working and giving up) went back to work with dc1 my dh was made redundant. In a "go to his usual 10am Monday morning meeting with his boss and be escorted out of the building by 10:22am" kind of way. In the 5 years he had been at the company he had been promoted 3 times and he had just been given a very favourable year end review by his boss. We were not expecting it at all.

It all turned out fine but it taught us a good lesson.

I now have 2 kids and will always work. Not for the money although it is very nice but for the security. We each earn enough so that we can pay our mortgage and feed ourselves if the other one gets made redundant. That is very important to me.

So I would need to have my current income in an annuity for life before I would give up.

DS is 3 and I've recently become a SAHM. After mat leave I went back to my job in retail for just one day a week and earned £200 a month. I worked on DP's day off as I would have actually lost money once childcare was paid for, so it was not justifiable to go back any more than one day.

I hated every minute of it but sucked it up, despite coming home unhappy every time I went. Before I had DS and worked there full-time, I didn't love it, but it was all I had and bills needed to be paid. After DS, I hated going in and I missed out on the three of us getting family time together. Once DS started nursery, I missed that time even more. DP then got a small pay rise which covered the £200 I earned, so we made the decision for me to be a SAHM.

I love it and have no regrets. It's lovely getting a day off with DP at home, so we can be lazy or go out as a family.

I did the five year career break option. It worked well for us.

Cate, my dh works very long hours, usually away from home in a hotel during the week. He is very occasionally able to do a 7am drop off, but never a 6pm collection. I am happy to support him in his career as he loves it and is doing very well for himself (and us)

I am still holding out hope that my parents might move here ( they have been theoretically doing so for three years, and my mum is very keen to do some childcare) but unless pigs fly she can actually get my dad to move, then it is all down to me!

I wouldn't want to stop working, but might be interested in having enough money to pursue other (worthwhile to me) interests. However enough money to me is replacing my current income, plus the additional income I hope to make as I continue to progress in my career, plus a good pension until I die. Which would be a lot of money! Realistically possibly 2-3 million in order to get a secure income stream.

dh on the other hand is a more short term thinker (less career orientated and not very happy in his current job) and would happily stop work or downgrade for a few thousand a month.

I'd be careful with a long career break as to whether you can really get back to a good career afterward. Five years is a very long time - would your qualifications and experience still stand (some industries would require significant retraining) would you be treated seriously after that sort of break or be put on a 'mummy track' and would you care?

I'd also second the recommendation to check out the possibility of a nanny. We had a live out nanny when our two were small, cost was comparable to two lots of nursery fees and it was much more flexible.

I couldn't, I am the sole earner so it would take a serious windfall for me to stop working.

However DH stopped working when I went back after maternity leave - in the sense of stopped working at a salaried job. He still works :) he is at home with the children, doing the school runs and the homework and the after school clubs and playdates and generally making sure one of us is always there. I'm there a lot given how many hours I work, but it was important to us to have one parent at home while the boys were growing up. Given my salary was always more than DH and always going to be, it made financial sense for him to stay at home - it was financially viable as soon as I returned to work.

There isn't a specific figure after which it becomes financially manageable as so much depends on your existing commitments in terms of mortgage, savings, cars etc. However I would say that one parent working and one parent at home works very well for us and the boys love it. If you could have a career break to stay with them then go for it :)

In terms of pensions / divorce / illness - I am insured and have critical illness cover, plus some income protection planning. Pensions I am contributing to for both of us and in the case of divorce - well, haven't really bothered to think about that. DH would be RP as their primary carer and I'd pay for his and the boys' upkeep. I'd also live with them so I could see the boys as much as possible, we'd end up remarried before too long :)

I wouldn't stop working I run my own company and it's like a baby to me, ironic because I take my babies both furry and human to work with me!

It would have to be a very difficult situation for me to stop working. There is no way I would give up if it's £1k a month after commuting and childcare! That's a lot left over. Even if I win the euro millions I would still work. I love it. I can't imagine staying at home doing nothing. (I'm not the art and craft mummy type. More the lie on sofa look at iPad type).

But I have a different situation from you. I have a daily 2 hour daily commute each day. DHs job is local but have times he has to travel but it's not a lot. If he is in the country. He works very very 8.30 to 5. He's home before 6 and drops DD off to nursery. If I'm stuck in traffic he can still get to nursery before 6. So the childcare pressure is low. I can understand it's hard if you have one partner who's never there. But with your income I would get a nanny to take the stress away.

My mum was a dreadful SAHM until I was in primary. She is just grumpy all the time. I don't miss her a bit when she went back full time. We had a nanny and loved it. I have a good relationship with my mum.

From my growing up experience, it's just SAHM isn't the only factor to a happy childhood. It seems to be implied here on MN

The difference will be a bit more than 1K because the Nursery will cover food and activities. If you dont work you will need to go to some groups and classes or havea coffee.If all the other mums go for lunch in the soft play you feel left out if you dont join. I would say 1,200K.

It depends what is left after bills if only dh works.

When DW was on Mat leave she was thinking of not going back so we put her maternity pay into an account and 'pretended' it wasn't there to see how we coped without it.
In the end we coped just fine but she loves her job and trained long and hard to get it (consultant neurologist) and wanted to go back after 9 months so she's gone back 4 days a week.

Similar position (lawyer) but luckily I was able to go back 3 days per week. I could have given up work, it would have been tough, but we could have managed. For us, the decision was a combination of short term pain for longer term gain (my salary will continue to increase), I do enjoy the mental stimulation of work, have seen lots of people struggle to get back into work / be viewed as committed (and therefore get quality of work after extended mat leave) and H wanting to be involved in the children's daily life. He has stayed at a smaller firm in order that for these early years, he could drop them off and some days be home for bedtime. If all the family finances rested on his shoulders he'd have to work really long hours and wouldn't see much of the children during the week. Neither of us wanted that so we've found (kind of) something that works for us.

Having said that one of my very good 'mum' friends is an ex big 5 accountant. She gave up when she had children and has her own business now which she fits around her school aged children - tax returns for local businesses, accounts for local rugby club etc. Is that a possibility?

Did some rough calculations and i think just on dh salary after paying bills and trains and food and wine and running cars etc, we would have around £2k left a month. We don't really go out anywhere since having kids lol! So we would still be pretty comfortable. In practice we are overpaying on the mortgage to get it paid off early but would still have £1k more than we need- and if we pay off the mortgage then our living expenses will obviously drop substantially.

i assume i could go back to work if i chose to after a career break- i am a civil servant so generally have quite good job security.

Mandy, i could potentially do some local accounts but although i am qualified i have always worked in the public sector, so don't have any small business accounts experience- would be possible but i would need to do some retraining.

No amount of money - windfall, inheritance, lottery win, whatever - would make me give up work. I enjoy working and having a separate life outside the home. I think it is beneficial for my child, too. Being a SAHM just doesn't suit me. I work part-time.

The situation does sound tough on you, OP: as though all responsibility for the cost, logistics and day-to-day management of childcare is solely yours. It doesn't seem very fair that it should be your career that suffers.

I won't tell you how much but DH's wages can cover the outgoings - mortgage, utilities, extracurricular activities, and we are just careful with the rest on food and clothes. We don't have holidays but do trips out and look out for special offers or discounts on entry to theme parks etc.

I will be returning to work when the dc are older. Over the next few years I will be going to college and Uni to retrain.

bedraggled if you do love working and that you don't plan to stay at home forever, then definitely think long term. If you believe it is easy to get back in then a few years out wouldn't be a problem. Or if there is a realistic prospect of being self employed in a professional role like mandy's friend.

My DH is like mandy's he chose a shorter hour career so he can be with DD. He did bath time almost every day. He loves dropping DD off to nursery. I can't imagine how hard it is if it's all on your shoulders. Have you read lean in? She openly acknowledge 50/50 childcare and housework is the secret to her being able to stay competitive in the workplace.

Basically I think everyone of our situation is different. You aren't in your shoes. (My neighbours mum is here everyday looking after her 1yo. Sometime from 7am when I leave work. Ofc it would be easy if you have family like this)! In the end you have to choose what's jest for you and your family. One thing that many making the decision missed is how hard it is to get back in once you give up.

purpleflamingos but that's the thing. Not everyone suits going back to college and uni to retrain. I already have a phd and I don't think more qualifications help. If anything I'm overqualified! I want to stay in my professional field (software development). Only up to date work experience is useful in where I'm positioned.

I would imagine that's the same as qualified doctors, accountants, lawyers etc.

Yes if you have the option of an up to 5 year career break, and can go back "where you left off" iyswim (ie no big demotion for having been away) then that changes things a lot. In that case I can definitely see why you might take a couple of years off - you can still have the long term upsides of working without having to stick with it in the short term.

I still wouldn't myself, but that's because I really don't enjoy being a full time SAHM and I don't feel I'm missing out by working, but it sounds like you are different from me there.

Think i am going to go back ostensibly full time but using annual leave to do part time at first and see how i feel about it and put in a part time request and see what happens. If it gets turned down (likely) then i can always put in for a career break at that point if i cant face full time.

thanks for all your input!

I stopped working at the point where one child in nursery plus commuting costs would more or less equal my earnings. I liked my job but wasn't especially attached to it. I was pregnant again when DD was 9 months old so would only been back at work a few months before a second lot of mat leave. Two children plus commuting costs would have been considerably more than I earned. So my SAHM status came down to simple mathematics. We can afford to live on DH's earnings but couldn't afford to subsidise me working from his salary. He's freelance and works different days each week, so we couldn't have worked out us both working part time either.