Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

family holiday

13 replies

mommy2ash · 12/08/2014 13:16

I am fully aware I am probably being unreasonable.

I used to go on holidays twice a year with my mam. this year my financial situation has changed so I haven't gone on holidays as yet.

my mam came to me and said my sister who I am pretty much nc with wanted to go as a lot of our family members will be at this place at this particular time and could I afford to go too.

I worked out the numbers and if we pay a third each for the room I can afford to go. they are saying that's not fair as my dd will be there I need to pay half the room and they pay a quarter each. I have said I cant afford that so they can go on their own. they don't want to do that as it's too expensive for them to pay half each and as I go with my mam each year it would look bad to other family members if I was left behind.

the only reason I suggested we the three adults split the cost is that I have helped them out massively in the past. my mam has owed me money for almost seven years now and I get it back in bits and pieces. when we went on holidays in the past I paid for the hotel and my mam just paid for her food over ten trips now. I have also taken my sister on holidays for free in the past when she was younger. when my sister had her dd I stopped looking for work so I could help her out so she could work so I babysat her dd for up to sixty hours a week for free and no thanks. when she went on holidays I had her dd for a week when she hadn't even asked me just told me it was happening I even loaned her 500 pound to go and again I didn't even get a fridge magnet or a thank you on her return.

I stupidly thought that family help each other out. I don't mind not going. the options I have given them are either we all pay one third or I can't afford to go sorry.

also before anyone mentions it I am being unreasonable to go on holidays with someone I am nc with its for my dds sake really.

OP posts:
TheEnchantedForest · 12/08/2014 13:20

YANBU.You have given them the options that are acceptable to you. Up to them if they take you up on it or go without you. They can't demand that you come up with money you don't have in order for them to save money.

YouTheCat · 12/08/2014 13:20

Your dd doesn't need someone like that in her life, even if she is family.

You can't afford it. They aren't going to pay you back what they've loaned and they will just continue using you.

I'd have nothing more to do with them.

WorraLiberty · 12/08/2014 13:20

It sounds as though none of you can afford this holiday

Is cheaper accommodation an option?

WorraLiberty · 12/08/2014 13:22

YouTheCat are you really suggesting the OP goes NC with her Mother over this, and that her DD has nothing more to do with her Grandmother?

A bit strong over a disagreement about holiday accommodation

Heels99 · 12/08/2014 13:24

Have a cheaper holiday with your dd without mother or sister. All of you sharing a room with all these issues wouldn't work.

YouTheCat · 12/08/2014 13:27

That would depend on other issues but it sounds like there are plenty of reasons other than this holiday.

CleanLinesSharpEdges · 12/08/2014 13:27

This has the potential to be the holiday from hell anyway, and that's without you all sharing a room.

Don't go. You are not obliged to and it doesn't sound like it will be enjoyable for you anyway.

LIZS · 12/08/2014 13:31

yanbu but think even if you went along with each paying a third they wouldn't cough up equally and you'd end up resenting subsidising their holidays and b) you will fall out big time, be trapped and miserable. Take your dd away yourself to a youth hostel or somewhere where others will be around.

WorraLiberty · 12/08/2014 13:32

Well she's close enough to her Mum to holiday with her twice a year

BerylStreep · 12/08/2014 13:34

Don't go. They only seem to want you to go to subsidise the room and for appearances sake.

Stop loaning money to your family and doing favours which aren't returned. They won't like you more for doing it, in fact, they seem to treat you with contempt.

It might be worth having a long think about whether self esteem issues make you feel you need to keep giving to these people.

WooWooOwl · 12/08/2014 13:44

Stick to what you have offered them, assuming you actually want to go.

They can either accept or decline.

Then stop letting them walk all over you.

Original poster
mommy2ash · 12/08/2014 21:46

thanks everyone for the replies I really thought I would be told I was being a bit too cheeky in asking them.

I'm not too worried about going on holidays with someone I don't get on with. there will be twenty other people there I know and I know the place well enough to go off on my own anyway

I tend to treat my relationship with my family and my dd's relationship with them separately as long as they aren't outwardly hostile to me in front of her I wouldn't allow that. to be fair to them they do all have a great relationship with my little girl so there is no need to cut people out of her life. I wouldn't hurt her like that.

the only issue really is the price which they can easily afford by the way they are just used to me being too generous with my money. I feel better now about on offer so it's up to them whether anything goes ahead at this point.

OP posts:
Whocansay · 12/08/2014 22:06

I suspect that if you go, you will be under pressure from them to be 'generous' for the entire trip. Don't do it.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page