To want things to go back to how they were?

[HadEnoughOfItNow]

Have name changed because I'm about to post a lot of identifying stuff.

I had a little girl nearly 2 years ago now, was tentatively diagnosed with PND shortly after but things got much worse after a year, and I was started on ADs and referred for CBT. I think I was on the mend, and was thinking of reducing the ADs soon, but in the last month or so things have come crashing down around my ears and I've just had enough.

At work I've been with the same team for numerous years but the boss has decided to have a shake up. In September I will be working with a new team, one of whom I really can't stand and have already had run ins with (over things she's asking me to do when I don't work for her yet, and the way she speaks to me). So I'm dreading September coming and having to work with her day in day out.

A chronic health condition has started flaring up, possibly due to stress or it could be hormonal (people often flare after having children, I've been lucky to stay well this long I guess).

We're supposed to be moving house, in fact we should have done by now but there has just been one issue after another, and lots of delays, and we still don't have a moving date.

This one sounds very minor but it's pissing me right off, I've pulled a muscle or something in my shoulder, just over a week ago now. It's bad enough to stop me sleeping properly, so on top of everything else I'm absolutely shattered. It was incredibly painful for a few days- even codeine wasn't taking the pain away- started getting better, but is getting worse again. So now I'm worrying that it isn't in fact a pulled muscle, but could be something a lot more serious. It might sound daft, but I'm terrified it's multiple sclerosis, I am under a neurology team and being monitored due to being at a high risk of developing it in future. I've been trying to get a doctor's appointment to get it checked out, but no luck as yet.

And here's the big one, my SIL has just been diagnosed with a rare form of cancer, and we are now waiting to see what treatment she can be offered.

All I want to do is hibernate or something, and come back out when things have settled down, when we are in our new house and SIL's treatment has started, and I can sleep properly again. I'm feeling so sorry for myself at the moment, and then I feel like shit because what have I got to feel sorry for, at least I'm not the one with cancer.

There isn't even anyone in real life I can discuss this with, my husband is my rock but I don't want to burden him when he's so worried about his sister, and my mum is on an extended holiday, and I don't have any really close friends, no one close enough to share personal stuff with.

I feel like shit because what have I got to feel sorry for, at least I'm not the one with cancer.

Well I happen to think that any stresses take it out of us and the last time I was minimising my aches and pains in front of someone with cancer she said kindly but firmly,
"Me having cancer doesn't mean everyone else in the world's troubles are no longer significant".

In fact within reason hearing someone else's problems can be a welcome distraction. So keep that in mind.

Vent away on here.

Regarding work. Would you say you have a good working relationship with the rest of the team? Don't worry yourself sick about the one person. She may have an unfortunate manner with everyone she comes across. Assuming you are the same rank and she isn't entitled to boss you remember the old MN favourite,
"That doesn't work for me" .

Look her in the eye stay calm and don't feel you have to justify yourself. The word you must avoid using with a bully is "Sorry".

Any awkward conversation or monologue from her make a note afterwards. Practise looking at your watch and saying, "You'll have to excuse me I don't have time for this".

Or fob her off with "Let's ask our manager about that shall we?"

Still posting and bumping until the cavalry arrives.

Losing sleep with some pain - not good. Frightened as you are do mention it to your GP. If you are being investigated for something you might as well keep your medical history up to date. Phone the doctor's and ask for a phone appointment if you don't think it's worth going to see them.

House buying - grrr - totally sympathise but you or DH have to chase the agent and solicitors or elsr the other clients who shout loudest get dealt with first.

Thank you.

Unfortunately woman at work is my direct superior and therefore it's in her job description to boss me around, and in my job description to do as she says! When I tried to get assertive she got very shirty with me. Conversation went along the lines of
Me: out of x and y, which would you like prioritising?
Her: they both need doing.
Me: I understand that, and I will do my best to do them both. But which one would you like me to do first, in case I don't have time?
Her: they both need doing.
Me: I am doing as much as I physically can.
Her: everyone else has already done x and y, I don't want to have to go to the manager to get things done that should be done.
Me: everyone else is full time, I am part time. So which would you like me to do first?
Her: get. Them. Both. Done.
Me: (walks off and reports conversation to manager)

Fortunately for me, our manager is on my side and has said she will back me up. However, that doesn't make things any more pleasant in the meantime, seeing as we don't actually see our manager day to day, and I will be working alongside this woman the entire time I'm at work (and it's not always possible to go get my manager then and there, it usually has to wait until lunch time).

With regards to the house move, we are shouting and chasing things up ourselves, sometimes several times a day, which is stressful in itself. Some of the delays can't be helped though- things like we received some paperwork which had the wrong information on, so we had to phone up and get it changed, we are now waiting for the correct stuff to be sent out before things can proceed.

The problem with the doctors is that we have a 'phone on the day' system. They open at 8am, I phoned repeatedly until 8:17 when I finally got through to find no appointments left. The other day, I overslept (rare thanks to dd) so didn't even wake till 8:30, and I know there's no point phoning then. Hopefully I will get an appointment tomorrow, it is unusual for them to be full several days in a row, and midweek tends to be better than Friday/Monday.

I hope that things take a turn for the better soon. Try to allow what you are feeling to "sit" within you without fighting it or telling yourself off for what you feel. Pain is pain, but the self-criticism is the greater problem. The key to this is self-compassion.

Sorry, that sounded a bit patronising!

She's your direct superior, okay. Well you can't change other people, but you can change the way you react them. She sounds the sort of person who doesn't want to be told anything unless it bigs her up or is "Here you are, job done". Some bosses do think part-timers only put in 50% of possible effort.

Keep a record of any conflict. Date and time when you receive work, note phone calls, log any hassles along the way preventing you from carrying out work. Any colleagues who witness difficult exchanges, remember who was present.

Any problems, go to her with a solution in mind before you utter the words, "I'm having trouble with...". She won't want to hear bad news.

If after six weeks you are struggling can you see HR?

Try not to act submissively. Easy for me to say. But if you can't put up with it you might have to look elsewhere.