To think DH is a dick and will soon be ex DH

[Wanttokillthesod36]

Changed names as I know DSL in on here and my name would out me as this post prob will but never mind
Had a health condition for over 10 years that effects me on a daily basis. DH knew all about this when he married me and was always supportive

DD came along 15 months ago and suddenly he is not as supportive (I have epilepsy) which seems to be common as another lady has said her DH is the same with her epilepsy
During the last year I have had a bad time with the NHS appointments and
EEGs (test of the brain to hopefully see what mind of fits you are having) being cancelled all the time. I was accused of being abusive over the phone when I got upset that an EEG was cancelled (I was not at all I just cried down the phone and said I was desperate). Specialists secretary then got on the phone to say that I had been struck off his list.

Had a conversation with GP after all this and she said would re refer me to specialist. In the meantime I was put on anti depressants by GP

I have lost all faith in my local NHS as one minute they say I have epilepsy and one minute I had non epileptic seizures so my mum and dad offered to pay for me to go private which I have gratefully accepted

Fast forward I had a GP appointment this morning with the same GP I had talked to previously and my DH insisted on accompanying me which I had no problem

I asked her about referral to specialist at preston asthey can provide some of the test i need and she said no referral nessacery as I am still under my original specialist so I explained again about the accusation of being aggressive and she said "there is nothing down here and I can remember speaking to you about it" (fair enough it had been over six months but I little put out that noone had bothered to let me know I was still under said specialist and that his secretary had told me I had been struck off)
She then asked why I had not ordered my antidepressants and I said it was because I had loads left and she said you must not have been taking them all as you would have run out of 20mg two weeks ago. Puzzled a said I had a box full but would take a prescription.

Got home from GPS and DH has at me saying I must have cancelled all he appoinments because I don't want treatment and I can't be trusted. And I have not been taking my antidepressants. I explained that the original dose had been 10ml and they had put me up to 20 I had two boxes left and for a while took two tens.

He then kept going on at me calling me a liar so I said its thats how you feel I will go. He said he did not want me to go so I said "do you believe me" he said "no" so I went to my mum and dads with DS

Later he is on the phone saying I don't know if I belive you but I will decide in a few days. I lost my rag and told him he either believes his wife of almost 10 years now or our marrage is over. He also informed me that his parents where in the middle of cancelling my train ticket to London (a trip we where supposed to be going on this weekend) so it has been decided by DH and his parents there was no chance of making up before Thursday.

I jus can't be with someone who would accuse me of makin all this stuff up. He even said at one point I could be delusional and could have cancelled the appointments myself while making myself beleive that the NHS had done it

Sorry re the long post but please give advice

I also pointed out that if I had all this stuff to hide then why would I have let him in the appointment with me and why would I be letting my parents pay for me to see a private doctor
It is not the first problem we have had with my epilepsy since DD was born and always seem to argue after I have a seizure or he gives me the silent treatment for a while and accuses me of ruining our family time.
He also throws things in temper (not at me and not at DD) which really gets to me.

YANBU!

When you suffer from complex medical issues that by their nature are hard to obtain firm scientific and conclusive diagnosis you relay on those close to you to be supportive and to above all else believe you. I know that is important in every case but there is something about complex hard to diagnose contortions that can leave you feeling disbelieved by profetionals and friends and in turn has you questioning your own symptoms. The support from your partner is so massively important it is hard to articulate. As you may guess, I have been there (still have the health issues but have thankfully progressed a little when it comes to the accusations from seemingly all round that it's all in your head, sometimes those accusations are real, sometimes perceived but that just makes the support of those closest all the more important).

This is a deal breaker and a half and I'm afraid that it wouldn't be something I could move past or forgive. The way he spoke to you is disgusting, even if he had real concerns about your mental health or the way your condition was effecting your memory he would be going about helping you in exactly the opposite way.
The long and short of it is that you simply don't treet somebody you claim to love with so little respect , understanding and trust.

I am so sorry.

Oh dear. Are you ok? Throwing things in a temper is never ok. Its abusive behaviour.

I dont quite know what to say but didnt want to read and run. Stay at your parents for a while. Ehat have they said about this?

I'm sorry this is happening to you, it sounds like an incredibly stressful situation. I can completely believe that the NHS have messed up your appointments, it happens frequently. It also sounds like your GP has been a bit unsympathetic so can you see a different one? Your husband should be more supportive yes and I can understand it's hard for him but he can't accuse you of lying. Can you have a serious chat with him about it and say you need more support from him? Or has it gone beyond that now?

It has gone beyond that now I think. As soon as he said I am a liar and not to be trusted. I have even told him I will make another appointment with GP that he can sit in in to try and sort this mess out.
At the end of the day we have been married nearly ten years and have given him a beautiful child. Yet he would rather believe that I am lying.
To tell you the truth I think it is all an excuse and he has wanted out for a while.
I asked him a bit ago of my seizures are still like this in a year will you still be with me. He said "I don't know".
He knows I am serious as I have made an appointment with a solicitor as this is not the first major incident and I want to know where I stand as he keeps saying I am the one who can look after DD as I have epilepsy but yet he has always been happy to leave her with me and even bugger off for a week with work. Ok I did go to stay with parents but that was my choice and he said he would have still gone if I was home with DD on my own.

My mum and dad are furious at him and my mum asked him when he dropped me and Dd off if he was calling her a liar as well as me, because the phone call were I got upset due to the EEG cancellation came through when I was with her and she told him all about me getting upset and how I had fought for an appointment

Sorry that was meant to be he says i can't look after DD due to epilepsy

There is also a counselling appointment that I am desperate for that has been mucked up. All in all about three different appointment have been cancelled and mucked up which I know sounds a lot.

At one point I was crying on the floor begging him to believe me (which I now want to kick myself for)

Something I forgot to mention was he says he came to the appointment to "catch me out". Like I would have let him in if I had loads to hide.

I could be wrong but I think all the above has been renforced by his parents and the plan to try and "catch me out" may have come from them too as believe it or not I don't beleive DH is that vindictive

I just hope that in six months or a years time I will have been finally put on the right medication or treatment after seeing the private specialist, be back to my normal self and he will see what he has thrown away.

The more you say the worse it gets, he is a dick of the highest order who I'm afraid wants out of your relationship but isn't man enough to admit it is him with the problem.
He has been just so vicsious in his accusations that it makes me wonder if he is the one with secrets and things to hide and also sounds luck his family are also horrible and egging him on. I know you don't want to believe that he is as vindictive as his behaviour suggests but even if his family where the ones to come up with this master plan of dickey I'm afraid anybody who would go along with it, anyone that would do that and say those things to another human being be it there own idea or someone else's is I'm afraid very vindictive.

You really need to get a free half hour with a solicitor to get legal advice as sounds like he is going to say you are not able to care for your dc. You need to fight him head on and not let yourself be put on the back foot. Also would recommend going to CAB to find out exactly what you are entitled to.

Could his parents be encouraging him in this behaviour as they think he will get custody of your child? Not saying they would, but they might think that. Are they possessive about your DC?