to not want to do a birthday party at home for our almost one year old

[BBQSteak]

I find parties stressful

I do not enjoy them

dh thinks its infair not to do one as we did one and have always done one for dd
I think we know more now and best to not start all that until Bout age three

I have suggested having a day out or meal out instead in dh is pissed off with me

I've tried to explain
I wouldn't enjoy it
I would find it stressful its aLot of money
and cleaning before and after.
Our house isn't that big.

Excuse typos on phone

cleared off to bed as he's been doing my head in

If he wants a party why cant he do all the organising and cleaning?

We re just having the grandparents and close friend, my brother and wife and his baby.

I am not making a big deal of it. Just telling people to call around for a t o cake and mug of tea.

I don't want a huge fuss, SIL is a snob and make snidely comments and everything has to be designer type shit. So that will be it.

I'm currently having the same trouble but it's me battling with myself

On one hand I really don't want a party, I'm sick of parties this year! But on the other hand he's only going to be one once so I'm also thinking it might be good fun!

He won't he doesn't care if the place is messy

Yanbu

DSs first birthday will be the day after DDs 6th, providing she will share some of the limelight, it will be a joint party.

If that wasnt the case I wouldn't be doing one

First birthdays are surely only interesting to your close family and friends? So no party necessary, just adult friends you already know. Your baby won't notice.

Tell him to pipe down unless he fancies organising it himself.

YANBU. Parties for very very young ones (much like holidays) are a complete waste of time and are more trouble than they're worth as the DC's don't have a clue what's going on and don't remember them.
Our twins 1st birthday back in February was marked by the mine and dw's parents and siblings and a few other close family coming round for a Sunday lunch. To be honest it was more of a nice day for us grown ups with some cards and presents for the boys.

If your DH is desperate to have one the tell him he can go and buy all the supplies, get the house ready, do the hosting and clear up the mess afterwards. He'll change his mind.

I've just recently had this conversation with DH. We did a first birthday party for DD, more out of family obligation than it being something we really wanted to do for ourselves. It was AWFUL! With DC2 on the way he was surprised that I assumed we wouldn't do a bday party for their first - like your DH he says it feels unfair to DC2 when it's what's been done for DC1 and in spite of how unhappy and stressed out we were he still wants to have one for DC2.

This is one of those areas where I really feel as much as possible there should be compromise. In your case if your DH really wants you to have this party then he needs to address all of your concerns and minimise the stress for you. So for instance, he can be responsible for the organising, preparation and clearing up after the party. You agree an acceptable budget and he must stick to it (no, parties don't need to be expensive). If your house is small then there has to be a limit on guest numbers - or you hire a village hall or something but doing so would have to still be within the pre-agreed budget. Also will setting a time limit on the party help with your stress levels? If he's not prepared to do all of that then I don't see why you should agree to a party.

Yanbu at all. I sort of loathed doing parties when Dd was little for all the reasons you describe. I think we did do them because Dd has such a huge family it was one way of including lots of people who all wanted to see her but I did find it onerous.

First birthdays are just for the adults so I'd normally say not to bother. However if you have done it for previous children with photos of the the day then you really have to do it for the siblings too. Subsequent children can already feel left out without adding to it.

Bloody heck I didnt even sleep well last night feeling all stired up aboutthis

dh simply woukd not do all the work

he would probably say he woukd but wouldn't

even when ds was born
and we had visitors
he wouldn't even do a quick tidy
I could as I had cs

his reply was weve just had a baby peopke expect it to be messy

so he wouldnt do all he work For it at all