To think there is no kind of rejection quite like..

[PourquoiTuGachesTaVie]

Being rejected by a cat who doesn't want to be stroked or held?

The way they go all folded up and backwards if you have hold of them and then duck so your hand misses their back as you try and stroke them.

They're basically just telling us to Fuck The Fuck Off.

My cat would only come to sit on my lap when it suited her and then she would make sure I had a face full of asshole for a good 5 minutes before she sat down tidy. And when I slacked on stroking her she would just dig her nails into my flesh.

R.I.P "the little one"

My cat was an absolute aloof biter bastard (dark tortie too, never knew that about them!), I thought it was because she was dragged up, she was greasy and filthy, in a stinking house, when I paid a fiver for her. That fiver still rankles!

Then she got herself lost. We had moved, and I kept her in for a month, she went out happily for a month, then she was gone.

I'd given her up for dead after pestering the council and leafletting the area for weeks. She was finally let in and fed by some cat-loving people, a mile away from me, in the direction of our old house. They read her tag and rang me and I got her back, she was starved and weak, wobbly weak, poor girl. She's only got one eye so is a piss-poor hunter, unless it's baby mice.

Ever since then she's been a lovely diamond cat, comes for a stroke, sits on your knee and bites no more.

So what you need to do is lose then for a bit and then they'll turn nice

My cat is a dick. He's a big ginger and he gets the RAGE! He'll often stomp in the room me and the dog are in and bite the dog. He intimidates a large dog! He fights all the other cats in the neighbourhood and is the reason I know how to burst and clean abscesses. He is also ridiculously passive aggressive and if you are busy doing something and he wants to go out, he will sit as close as possible and yawn at you. Continuously. Until you give in and stop what you are doing and let him out.

But I love him, I inherited him from my mum, and at 17 it's probably too late to work on his attitude. My reward for my cat servitude is the occasional head rub.

Ah kleptronic bless.

I hear dh whisper to her sometimes whose my girl bastard competitive parenting.

My friend has a dark tortie who is horrible too. Definitely will be avoiding those.

My in-laws had a beautiful tabby who hated everyone but me. Noone else was allowed near her but she would come to sit on my lap within minutes of me sitting down on the sofa. I kinda hoped I was a general cat approved person, but I can now see that is unlikely . I've wanted a cat for ages and am gradually wearing DH down, if I get one and they like him better I might have to get him to move out .

I want a dark tortie now just to see if I can get a nice one.

Mine is white with black splodges.

When I say our dark tortie was surprisingly sweet it is on a scale containing only tortoiseshells. She still had a bloody and malicious reign of terror in our street. Many unwitting victims lost skin, our dogs used to slink past when she narrowed her big green eyes. She once took a lump out of our sweet, gentle Staffie's cornea.

She was little, but damn she was mighty.

My cat purrs beautifully, runs against you. Turns around 50 times on your knee, repeatedly making your legs more comfortable with his claws and then will nudge you to let you know clapping can commence. You are allowed to clap his head, behind his ears and that's it. Anywhere near the tummy and you get a proper bite. Stop clapping before time is up and you get a warning feeling of teeth on your hand.

He was fierce as a young cat and even attacked a poor fox in the garden once. I was about to shout 'my kitten' when he ran forward and swiped the fox in the face. Poor fox did a runner. He has mellowed a little in old age.

Awwwww I feel bad now, I do so love my dark tortie and she's not mean, she never hurts, she's just grumpy! And they are so beautiful, aren't they?

My Tortie with white is adorable- affectionate, cute, thick as a brick shit house and she 'bree's' a lot, like 'yours' winni and is teeeeeeny tiny.

I haven't, so far, mentioned Dave. Ah, Dave. Dave is a different kettle of -fish- cat altogether. A sort of tabby, lots of white, heyooooooge and...as evil as they come. Purr purr purr, stroke my lovely fluffy belly then BAM, you're in a and e on Christmas Eve with a swollen up cat bite wrist. And yet he's still here and I still love him.

They're all rescues but the girls were rescue kittens and so hadn't been taught the ways of the cats-above-humans world. Dave, however, wrote the sodding rule book.

FABCat was a tortoiseshell with white and was the best cat ever born. She talked and was so beautiful. She died last year and I miss her so much.

We know have GirlCat who is a tortie and BoyCat who is ginger. GC is more a home bird and gets cross if I am not home by 9.28am on school days. She spends most of the day in, will sit on command to be fed and likes to sleep on my bed, the computer chair, in a shoe box and on top of the chair. BoyCat is a hunter and out loads. Treats my house like a hotel and is very funny.

Last week we went away Sun-Sat and since we have been home neither cat has been out! BC has just sat on me for over and hour which is unusual and I think they both really missed us. GC was hanging around all Saturday and I am sure she sensed we were coming home. She appeared at the door about 10 minutes after we were home. BC was not seen until 11am the next day .

The point of all that is to say if you want your cat to love you and sit on your lap, go away for a week!

Our cat (well, really dd2's cat) doesn't like me, though I'm the one at home most, with the food!

I'm mildly allergic (if he's spent the day sleeping on our bed i need a piriton at bedtime) and I can't stand the feeling of his rough tongue licking me, it really makes me writhe.

So he loves dd2 with a passion, and dh. Tolerates dd1 and ds, and definitely shuns me.

Brat!

Cats tend to gravitate towards people who don't like cats for a very good reason.

People who don't like cats tend not to look at them, much less look at them in the face/eyes.

This is good cat body language. It attracts them.

My cat pulls this face if I dare speak to him when he enters a room. Its his "piss off minion" look.

GC was the friendly one in the rescue place. BC was shy until 5 days later DH went to see them alone and he was all over DH. Since we have had them - 14 months now - GC is definitely a dog in disguise, accepts affection on her terms for about 1 second and BC is so loving and confident and a really lovely boy.

Still love FABCat the best though. It is different with GC and BC, couldn't be without them.

Our open fire is lit. First time since May.

Both are stretched out in front good as gold.

Out for the count.

Autumn comes.

Mums cat, jet black muscley hunk of ebony, still thinks he is in Ancient Egypt. We are all obviously here to serve him while never looking him in the face. Or he bites you, I dared to look at him and he slashed my shoulder. He is awfully gorgeous tho.

My cat, I rescued him at 5 weeks and spent the next month hauling a kitten everywhere with me as the vet said he needed to be kept warm. Problem being he is now fully grown and still thinks he has to sleep in my bra. He won't be stroked at all and all but me are merely here to feed him and open doors.

Why did no one tell me about dark torties? Evil cat is a beautiful deal tortie, massive and malevolent, she hates me, she's gone to live in a neighbours shed. Like a mug I go down there and attempt to catch her every day for food, sometimes I'm successful and she growls at me all the way home, I feed her then she fucks off again. Little cat is lovely but there's nothing to be done with evil cat, she's just a bastard. Even as a tiny kitten she used to attack us. I still love the stupid cat but the feeling is NOT mutual.

One of mine is definitely the exception that proves the rule then! Dark tortie, soft as butter Follows me everywhere (even when I'm having a bath), lolls around on the floor with ds2, butting him for head/tummy rubs. Currently squeezed into a shoebox his smaller sister was in yesterday- although he broke it in his effort to curl up in it.

His sister is a tortie-and-white- very pretty but frankly, a little bit stooped. They're both very loving cats though- they used to curl up, as kittens, on my bump together when I was pregnant with ds2.

I made one of my cats wait just a bit too long to be fed earlier, so he bit me on the knee. While I was sitting on the loo. Little bastard. Apparently I should have finished weeing sooner.
And he's a fat sod, he isn't going to die of starvation any time soon....

Grumblepuss is a Tortie with white patches and white whiskers. She's my baby, she sits on the sofa between us and will sit on our laps. She also shouts, demands food and her litter tray changing.

Grumblepuss' arch enemy is a dark tortie, who snuggles up to us in the garden, purrs and rolls around the grass looking cute.

Mrs you are a poor deluded fool, she will suck you in and spit/scratch you out!