Swimming pool and a 5 year old......

[cathpip]

Well my dh thinks i am being over cautious and a dick! We are on holiday, villa and shared pool. My ds (5) likes to collect the zoggs from the bottom of the pool, he can swim 10/15 metres but does predominantly like to be underwater and really only surfacing for air :). In total there are 4 children all jumping in and out of the pool, other parents are there watching too. My dh thinks it's perfectly safe to read a book and look up every so often to check on our ds, I think it's not safe to read and keep an eye on him at the same time. So who is right, who is wrong or is there a suitable middle ground. (He's managed to read two books by the pool so far). :(

Please watch him. My friend has a pool (this will out me if she's here! ) I stood next to it chatting while ds was in the pool next to me and noticed other ds laughing . Looked round after several seconds to see why and realised ds was actually slowly going under and unable to come up for long. Ds hadn't realised.
I feel sick just typing that again.

My DP often says I'm over cautious about DSs safety, yet while we were away he absolutely agreed to take it in turns to watch DS in the pool. The one watching wasn't to take their eyes off him until switch over.

It's just not worth the risk. You can drown so quickly, in less than the amount of time it takes to read a page from a book probably...

Why don't you do half an hour shifts? You read 1/2hr, while DH watches and minds baby, then swap.

I was in PIL pool with neice and nephew and had popped niece on the steps behind me while I turned to her brother. As I was looking at him he said, look at A, I turned and she was under the water doing the goldfish mouth, taking in water. No noise, no splashing, completely still. Frightened the life out of me.

I like this idea. One parent gets to relax, read, chill out and the other parent gets to watch the baby while supervising the older child. Where do I get me some of that sweet parenting action? Unless I'm the one doing all the work, of course. That would be shit.

Tell DH he's selfish and irresponsible from me. He does care, he just knows you'll do it.

YANBU

Could your DH live with himself if your son drowned? Is his book reading worth that risk?

Oh god, this is my dilemma...actually when DSS was 5 he was still in armbands and we were always in pools with lifeguards, but I still felt iffy about one of us not constantly watching him. Whereas DP has your DH's attitude. And it's his child so I tended to go along with it. Now DSS is 9 and can swim, I pretty much relax if he's in a pool with a lifeguard, but do still have flashes of panic and 'what if...'. God knows how I'll cope if/when I have a child...

I'd probably read a bit.

To those who say watch like a hawk at what age can you take a step back? It's interesting that reference is made to a childcare knocking themselves out - surely that could happen to any person at any age?

Yes anyone can knock themselves out but it's more likely to be kids mucking about, running round the pool, diving without realizing how shallow the water is or doing flips / somersaults into the water that result in heads hitting concrete than adults.

How old is the baby? Could one of you be in the pool

Sorry ... Could one of you be in the pool watching ds with the baby? Babies love water too.....

We used to take it in turns to be vigilant when ours were younger as Dh and I were once happily sitting on our sun beds when I notice Dh was sound asleep!! Hence splitting the duty to be in watch!!!

PastPerfect Of course, it CAN happen to anyone at any age. However, if you are the responsible adult, how can you justify reading a book over caring for your charge? Will you be able to say, with a drowned child in your arms, "Oh, sorry, I was reading. I thought it was safe to take a step back, he/she seemed old enough to look after themselves"

I would always be watching - or have agreed with another adult (that I know and trust) that they will watch.

I read about cases in Australia where a couple of teenagers drowned because they were trying to see who could swim the furthest under water. I imagine a younger child trying to retrieve zoggs could get into similar difficulties.

My 5 year old can swim 20 lengths in a lesson, If we are swimming for fun I wastch him like a hawk even when there is a lifeguard on duty. It only takes a second to get into trouble and even 5 year olds who can swim well are still 5 and need adult supervision at all times.

Thank you ladies, dh certainly knows my feelings on the matter now. We have had a very difficult few months after the sudden death of our 3 year old dd, and the thought of anything happening to the other two terrifies me, I ended up quite tearful on the matter. He was also told swimming lengths in the pool was also not watching either! He has promised not to read and watch at the same time ever again.

Oh, God, Cathpip - so very sorry to hear of your daughter, how awful, and totally understandable how frightened you must be.

So pleased that your husband has come round to your way of thinking (sometimes they just need reminding). Mission accomplished! and a hug

Cathpip so sorry about your DD, in the circumstances I totally understand how anxious you'd be

evans a little dramatic no? Besides my question remains, at what age would you stop watching? You don't change from all to nothing overnight.

Sorry for your loss, Cath.

How can your husband take such a risk having already lost a child?

My 13 year old is a total fish, my 11 year old is a good swimmer, my nine year old has no fear, can swim but no way could not be watched. I watch all of them on a rotation basis. I once watched DD for a few minutes and then realised it wasn't her and had a real panic when I couldn't find her. I have only taken them swimming on my own a few times in the last year as too nervous too before. I can swim but wouldn't say I was a strong swimmer. Last time we left when 71 children arrived. No way could I watch all of mine of 100 kids in the pool!

Evans - a little dramatic no?

I'd say " A little dramatic? No!"
(It's all in the punctuation)!

You stop watching at the right age. The right age is not 5 or 6 years old. The right age is when they have reached a certain swimming level and age combined. And you don't just decide one day to Stop Watching! It is a gradual thing. The fact remains, young children need to be supervised. No question, no dramatics. No??

Always know I can expect a coherent, well thought argument when it starts with criticism of my grammar

I live in Spain and we have a pool as do most of our friends and places we go.

When the kids are in the pool they have to be watched constantly by an adult. (Ours are 3 and 6. Both swim well, especially the 6 year old, having had regular lessons at school and outside of school).

I am petrified by the culture of "adults being around" and therefore it´s OK for kids to be in the pool. This is SO not right in my view. Someone has to be responsible for watching the kids - someone who is not chatting, not going to get drinks or foods, not taking phonecalls, not reading, etc. Luckily out here most parents agree but I have been to a few pool afternoons/pool parties where I am stuck sober at the pool the whole afternoon as no one else seems to be worried about the kids.

You are totally reasonable.

I don't think it's an age, it's confidence backed up with ability. We live in a hot country and we've always had a pool. My dd2 can swim well and I will pop inside to make a cup of tea (can always see the pool from kitchen / living areas but my attention isn't on her). It's turning away bit by bit as they gain in strength, knowing what they are capable of and having a bit of gut instinct. I think swimming a couple of 25m lengths shows a certain amount of strength and would feel that a child cope alone for a minute or two.

I don't let my kids dive in or do flips when I'm not by the pool though as when you can swim, the concrete edge and bottom of a pool are the most dangerous parts ....

It actually wasn't criticism of your grammar, PastPerfect - I Never criticise anyone on that, or spelling, ever. I do hate the passive-aggressive thing of making a statement followed immediately by the word No? I have only ever seen it on this forum, and find in incredibly annoying. Nothing do to with grammar at all.

Anyway - I think I answered your question.