Childhood trauma - AIBU to think that the past was a dreadful time to be a kid?

[shareacokewithnoone]

I haven't thought this through logically really but from a mishmash of ideas - I was born in the early 1980s and corporal punishment was abolished in schools but gosh, I remember some nasty, sarky teachers. I remember one boy being made to stand in the corner and when he cried being told 'turn around, no one wants to see your ugly face!' (this was in RECEPTION!) That's one example, but there are countless more.

Pre 1960s (?) children were smacked pretty brutally - not just a tap on the bum but pants pulled down and smacked repeatedly? Humiliating as well as very painful, surely?

Children were sent to hospitals alone, and I don't know 'put up and shut up' was the order of the day. We had a teacher who used to touch us inappropriately but none of us girls would have DREAMED of challenging it or telling - you just didn't. And this was early 1990s.

I guess - AIBU to think it's really only the last decade where safeguarding and child protection have emerged? And what brought it on?

My schooling started in 1971, the infants was ok, even though I spent much time away from my peers with support workers.
The juniors and my secondary school I can only describe as horrific wrt physical and emotional abuse.
There was a thread on here not long ago that was started about something different and lead to many talking about their time at school and there were some sad stories.
It was good to know that I wasn't alone and there were many others, but yes OP those days were dire for many of us.

It does sound pretty rough , however I feel the pendulum has swung far too far the other way. Kids seem to rule the roost (just have a look at some of the threads on mn fgs)!

I think it's exactly the same now as when I was a child in the sixties - most children have a happy, loving, protected existence, some have appalling experiences. Fortunately there's a greater awareness of abuse, hopefully this means that it's more likely to be spotted.

I went to school in the 90's and some of the teachers were a bit mean. But that's a child's perspective of not like getting yelled at. I'm sure they were fine in actuality.

I do remember a time in Kindergarten (Y1 in UK), that a teacher yelled at a kid in gym class about not wanting to jump rope. The kid started crying and he told the kid to go to the nurse and get some diapers on since he was being a baby and not to come back until he was wearing diapers. He ran to the office and came back a few minutes later saying he was wearing diapers. I asked him if he was really and the nurse told him to just say yes. My parents took me out of that school though, apparently there were plenty of stories I was bringing home.

I remember hideous teachers.

I also had a night in hospital alone. It wasn't too traumatic. I remember lovely nurses. They seem terribly overworked these days, though.

When I was at school teachers used a leather belt to hit children- most teachers had rgem, both at primary and secondary school.

What sweeping generalisations!
A male relative, born 1905, was sent to an Isolation hospital with Diptheria aged three; I , straight out of training college and full of maternal deprivation theories, was deeply shocked and said how unhappy he must have been. He said, not at all, I liked it; there were other children to play with, new toys and lovely grounds to play in; the nurse was with us all the time and read us stories and took care of us.
His father cycled five miles there every day to stand on a chair outside the window and wave at him, then five miles back home.
I grew up in the 1950s; I was never physically punished at school (state); corporal punishment existed but was rarely used. When two boys were caned for writing rude words in the lavatories we were shocked, not by the caning but by the fact that they had done something so awful to warrant this punishment.
I was punished, usually deserved but sometimes unfairly, but it gave me the strength of character to stand up to and overcome a bullying boss later in life.
I am very grateful for my happy and secure pre 1980s childhood

YABU purely because kids today know they can get away with pretty much anything at school and their teachers can't to jackshit about it.

When I was at school if a disruptive student refused to leave the class and go to the designated place for disruptive people they were physically escorted. Non of this whole classes being disrupted by a couple of kids as the teacher can't do anything other than ask the child to do something.

And primary aged children in the 1990s (at least the ones in nice villages) didn't know swear words so there was non of this telling teachers and other students to 'fuck off' or 'go fuck themselves'

Thankfully the primary in our village is just as nice as the one I went to so no need to home ed. just yet :-)

I was a 70s child. I don't remember ever feeling unsafe. Kids knew where they stood in my world. Only the VERY naughty children were ever punished pyhsically at my school, and even then it was light tap with a ruler. If you were well behaved you were were treated well and teachers were mostly fair in my experience. My parents smacked, but rarely, and only if I deserved it. I knew the boundaries and toed the line.

I see lots of statuses on facebook, about growing up in the 70s/80s and being taught respect and being stronger and I think yes, maybe you were, but... alot of people were totally traumatised by their childhood and are broken adults as a result of it.

I have far too much respect though to actually say that on facebook!

I think that everyone sees their childhood as 'the way it was'. If you were abused, unhappy, deprived then to you the 60s, 70s, 80s were a dreadful time to be a child. If you were loved, happy and nurtured then your childhood was wonderful.
My own dc grew up in the 70s and early 80s (born 1970 and 1974) and both say they had an idyllic childhood. Their schools were good, they camped in the fields behind the garden, they played out with their friends. They also had an invalid father and a mum who worked ft but that was life not the times.
Now I see my grandsons being taken cycling, camping, swimming etc. They have 'playdates' and after school clubs. They go to a lovely village school.
I think all 3 generations had/have wonderful childhoods. It is circumstance not history that makes the difference.

Exactly, thegreylady

I remember my teacher in Year 3 getting a red-haired boy to stand on the table and saying "in her day" he would have been called carrot-top and getting us all to laugh.

that would have been about 1988 so not exactly ancient history.

Well, yes, some things were pretty awful but there weren't suicides due to online influence, free access to porn, the world seen as too dangerous for DCs to venture out alone, etc etc

I feel sorry for DCs now!

I think for children who need to be in hospital for a substantial time, as long as they have loving parents, are much better cared for now than in the past. There was no such things as play therapists to explain to children what was going to happen to them, and visiting hours from parents were very limited.

OP, I'm so sorry about your cousin.

There are swings and roundabouts, I reckon, but the quality of pastoral care in schools now compared to my 80s/90s childhood is unrecognisable. I am constantly amazed at the efforts made nowadays to support children, imperfect though services are.

I have had moderate/severe depressive episodes pretty much all my life. My first clear suicidal moment was after Brownies one day. And no one ever did anything about it. I even asked for help from my GP and got nowhere. I was 30 before I got proper, useful support, by which time I was socially and physically affected for good.

I would hope now that school staff would not let a young child or teenager sob in a corner all day and just ignore them or tell them off.

I was at school from mid/late 60s to 1980 and personally can't fault the system.

At my first primary school I remember being aware that they had the cane but don't ever remember it being used on anyone or anyone being hit with anything. Yes, people did have to stand on chairs sometimes, or outside the door (i.e. in full view of anyone passing) but I wasn't aware of much else. The fact that the threat of the cane was there probably helped a little bit but I certainly don't recall problems with discipline. Teachers were pretty nice as far as I can remember - certainly I'm not aware of them singling out any particular children.

I also never experienced, or was aware of anyone else experiencing, any form of harassment or molestation.

Also the hospital thing. From my limited experience of having a sick little sister in the early 70s, my mum was always with her when she was hospitalised. We frequently woke up in the morning to find them both gone, although granted, she rarely had to stay in more than a couple of days.

So, no. In no way was 'the past' a dreadful time to be a kid any more than it is now.

There are good and bad in every era, I have some lovely carefree memories back in the day, at school they dident treat you as well as they do now. I was thick, lazy because I was dyslexic and have dyscalculia.

Greenshadow, your sister was lucky then. That must have been the start of a parent being allowed to stay with a young child. But in the early 70's my mum was not allowed to stay with me. She could only visit during very restricted visiting hours. And I have spoken to many people who had the same experience.

the past (say 60's to mid 80s) was definitely a worse time to be a kid in some respects, because abuse (physical, sexual, emotional) was not widely recognised and absolutely not readily believed back then. Back in the 60s and 70s, many children who did speak out were actually punished (and abused even more) for doing so. In many respects a child had a "lucky escape" if all they suffered was just not to be believed when they disclosed abuse. Too often their disclosure of abuse would actually mean it got back directly to their abuser and they abuse was stepped up. So in that respect we have came a long way in the last 30-40 years. And in that respect alone yes the past was more dreadful than the present.

But on the flip side, kids have bad things now that us back in the 70s never had to contend with (like peer pressure to be skinny, internet stalkers etc). I feel sorry that kids now have so little independence to play outdoors and go explore the local woods and caves and quarries the way we did back in the 70s and early 80s. Not necessarily that playing in woods/caves/quarries are more risky now than they were then, more that awareness now dictates that the risk of abduction is now so wodely known that no parent in their right mind would let their 10 yr old play in the local woods/caves or quarry without parental

oops. missed the word "supervision" on the end

That must have been the start of a parent being allowed to stay with a young child. But in the early 70's my mum was not allowed to stay with me. She could only visit during very restricted visiting hours. And I have spoken to many people who had the same experience.

It was the norm as far as I know too.

My husband was hospitalised for more than a year as a child (this was back in the 70s) and his family (including parents) could visit twice a day for 1 hour at a time. On special days like Christmas and birthdays and some public holidays, small allowances were made for "extra" visiting hours. But they were very small allowances, like 2 hours in the afternoon instead of 1.

It was the same when I was in hospital as a child for far more minor things that only involved a stay of 5-7 days. 45 minutes visit in the afternoon, and 1 hour 45 minutes in the evening. And no more than 2 people at the bedside at any one time.

In fact this rule was still in place when I was 17 in the mid 80s and spent a fortnight in hospital. No one could visit me in the day time as everyone had work or school, and in the evening the visiting was only an hour. Mind you, 17 isn't exactly child, but there were two kids under 10 on that ward too at that time, and they were subject to the same visiting hours as 17 yr old me.

In many ways, yes you're right. Childhood abuse is taken much more seriously these days and that's all for the best.

However, in other ways, I'm glad I ain't a kid these days. Too much pressure to go to university (my 19 year old nephew had to fight not to go-he wants to be a chef), then starting working life in debt as a result, only never to be able to buy a house cos they're too fecking expensive!

Fortunately I was not abused as a child (though do remember being smacked by the head teacher at school age 7 for the crime of hiding in the toilets on a cold playtime) so for that reason I think life is tougher for kids these days than when I was young.

YABU - I was a 70's child and my childhood was brilliant. I'm glad I am not a kid now, it's far more restricted.

In other ways though, yes of course it's better to be a child now, I'm just talking about the trivial stuff.

Grew up in the 60s and 70s - absolutely no comparison. It was more fun, no bloody phones and freedom to explore and learn independence. Before the H&S Gestapo and killjoys got involved in every aspect of life, and you were considered an adult at 18 and could make decisions for yourself, shock horror!!