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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be a bit wary of surprises?

5 replies

snakelady · 10/08/2014 14:01

I'm very prepared to be told I am BU here but wanted opinions anyway...

It's my birthday soon, and my closest friends are organising a surprise day out for me, which is really lovely - we've had to adapt it slightly as they'd forgotten that we'd originally said we'd go out for dinner with some other friends, but I think we've sorted that (although I do feel like I was being a pain in the backside rearranging their plans, even though they assure me I'm not!)

The thing is, I'm not sure I like surprises. I don't mind surprises (as long as they aren't huge, everyone jump out at me type things, which I would HATE) as long as I know nothing about them - however, I know that this is happening. It would be fine if I just got told not to make plans for that day, but I'm finding it difficult dealing with the constant talking in code, knowing looks and half conversations that are occurring. I feel left out and awkward - I never know what to do with myself and just end up looking silly as I can't join in with the conversation. Also, I can't help but then start putting the pieces together in my head to try and work out what's going on, to try and give myself a bit of a heads up and be prepared.

I find it difficult dealing with the unknown - I'd experienced an incredibly close bereavement recently-ish which led to anxiety - my friends know this. Since then, the unknown scares me - even when I know it's going to be a good unknown! I know that the reaction to bad unknown (such as bereavement and uncertainty surrounding that time) is the same chemical reaction as a good unknown and surprise, so I know I'm not losing my marbles, but I can't help having such a reaction to times such as this.

The thought of it makes my stomach churn and my heart pound - admittedly, not as much as last year when something similar was organised (and was a lovely, lovely day) I'm getting better at telling myself that it will be a good thing, my friends would only organise something I would enjoy and it's been done with such love and good intentions. I think they would surprised if I told them I don't like this kind of thing anymore as before the bereavement I was incredibly laid back and ran with anything, I think I'm just good at hiding it!

Am I BU to be wary of the surprise (and I guess a little hurt with all the whispering and not so subtle conversations)?

OP posts:
snakelady · 10/08/2014 14:23

That was a bit longer than expected!

OP posts:
LindyHemming · 10/08/2014 14:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Amy106 · 10/08/2014 18:00

YANBU. I feel the same way myself. I guess you either back out or trust that your friends will plan a good surprise. Happy birthday! Cake

amyhamster · 10/08/2014 18:04

If it's causing serious anxiety I'd have a word with your closest friend in the group & ask her nicely what's being planned as your feeling very anxious
A good friend wound understand & not tell the others

Minions · 10/08/2014 18:05

Sorry to hear about your bereavement, I can understand your anxiety Thanks

Your friends sound lovely so I'm hoping they would understand if you said to them surprises make you nervous. Perhaps you could thank them for organising a lovely day out but you'd like to know what's planned so that you can look forward to it and not be anxious. I think half of the enjoyment is looking forward to the event anyway. They might be upset to find out afterwards that their surprise caused you anxiety when they are trying to do the opposite.

Hope they understand. You deserve a lovely time with your friends, happy birthday when it comes :)

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