To be sad DD has a new cousin I'll never know

[Fanfeckintastic]

I'm most shocked with myself for being upset about this! I just got the news that exDPs brothers girlfriend had a baby and was so excited! I have no siblings so he could very well be DDs only cousin. I was on the phone to DD who is in her dad's and was saying how exciting it is etc but it hit me then that I'll never even know him

Sounds ridiculous but I was with ex for so long and know his family since my teens but this just feels like the start of her having this great big family that I'll have nothing to do with, next will probably be siblings if her dad gets serious with someone.

It's not jealousy or anything just sadness really, I'm so happy for her because I never really had any family and it's so important to me that she does, but I just feel so sad that I'll never be part of that part of her life.

Ugh I realize I probably sound barmy!

if you know her and relations with ex are ok get baby a little something and ask to pop round.

If there is no reason why you can't, I would contact her and take something over for the baby. Would be lovely if you could still be part of the extended family.

I guess your separation from your ex is adding to things here, plus the fact that you admit you have little experience of a wider family set up. It isn't impossible that you might see the child occasionally I suppose, as you say you have known his family for a long time.

My children too have cousins they will never know. Basically, my BIL is rather an unstable person who has wobbled his way through many relationships. He also had one short-lived marriage which resulted in a daughter being born. My daughters did know her for about 3 or 4 years and it is just about possible that they might meet again, but BIL's unreasonable behaviour (too much to go into here, it would take forever) ensured that for the last 6 or 7 years he has had no contact with his daughter.

We also know of at least one other child of his, a boy, from a previous relationship. The boy would now be 18. BIL never had anything to do with him, we have never seen him and don't expect we ever will. I would not be at all surprised if I ever heard there had been other offspring too.

I guess your daughter may well see this cousin from time to time, because of her dad. It is always sad when family relationships make things difficult though.

Oh I'll definitely buy something for the baby and give it to ex for his brother and the girlfriend when he drops DD home later but it would be a bit too much bringing it around myself as I haven't been to the house for over a year.

Ex said he'll worm me into the next family occasion or next time the baby is in his house I really do sound mad Haha I just would love to meet the lovely little fella! I suppose I will invite him to DDs birthdays etc so I won't "not know" him completely.

Aw Topsy that's awful, it's so unfortunate when children have to miss out on relatives because of their parents. I could have had lots of lovely cousins growing up but my parents were huge drinkers and cut us off from all other family, we reconnected in recent years though which is nice but a bit too late to form really close bonds etc.

And I've never met the girlfriend so it would be a bit invasive!

It is very unfortunate and sad, but I really can't blame my BIL's ex-wife for what she has done. I know him very well now, he has always been the same and to be honest I'm amazed she stuck it out for as long as she did.

Originally she did try letting him have weekly contact with their daughter, who was then two years old, but he was too irresponsible. Can't go into it all here, or too publicly. Very long story.

We are occasionally having to deal with him at the moment following the death of my MIL earlier this year. We are selling her house to split the proceeds equally between her three children (including him) as per her final wishes. He is totally impossible. Can't wait until the process is over, which should happen in the next few weeks.

You do not sound barmy. I know EXACTLY what you mean. And I do not want my x back.